I'm 21 and gambling for 4 years now. It started with small amounts because I didn't have much (it was lunch money in highschool). That days I was buying some things with my mom's Amex on ebay and found out about online sports betting. That's where my life turned upside down. I started betting every day on live betting and I was actually winning. I had huge money for an 17 year old but luck passed me and I lost everything. After that loss I was mad at myself and didn't know how to get money back so I took my fathers credit card and lost all of his money. I didn't know how to get money back so I stole gold in house and sold it so I could gamble and get back my debts. My parents found out and somehow got through that when I promissed I won't do it again. Two years have passed and I did it again in April 2014., but now with my salary which was not so big but they found out. There was anger, shouting and my promising again. Then it stopped for some time, I was doing great, got a good job, amazing girlfriend who I can't imagine my life without. Everything was great. But then something happened. I started thinking how I should buy a car, save some money to get an apartment in my girlfriends town(54 kilometers separates us) and started gambling again. It was in January when i lost my whole salary which was pretty big, so to get that money back I took my dad's credit card and of course I lost money. Parents found out, I promissed I won't do it again and even I gave some money back to dad from my next salary. I couldn't stand that I owe him money so I did it again. With my mom's credit card. Just 2 weeks after screw up. She's getting her credit card statement these days and I don't know what to do. She asked me few times have I done something with her card and i sad NO. She trusted me again. In January she told me she'll tell everything to my love and knowing her, she will leave me for good and parents promissed me to kick me out if I do it again which I did. I'm so scared and don't know what to do and have nowhere to go if they kick me out. The worst thing is that I can see what have I done to my family and to myself now and I'm ready to STOP it and I would get my parents money back in few months but I'm 80% sure the will not have understanding for me this time. The only thing that could save me is if someone would loan money to me so I could give it to parents and apologize for everything. Not to mention that my parents have their credits to pay and they don't have big salaries. I can't describe how much I despite myself for what I did to them. The most painful thing for me is that my love will leave me and I can't imagine life without her and I'm scared that I'll get mad at me so much that I could do something to myself.
Okay. Wow. You're so young to have such problems. Do you think your parents will still kick you out when they find out , if you go online and install betting filters such as k9 which I've heard is free, right in front of them so they see you're serious and that you won't be able to do it again? Since it sounds like all your gambling is done online? I know they said they'll kick you out if you do it again but if you explain that you found out about a way to stop. Tell them you want to do it with them right there so they can see you're serious. Google it or research it together and install it together. That is my suggestion. As a parent they may feel the need to follow through with kicking out to prove a point it's called tough love. I am a stepparent, I can't have children of my own, but I can see where they would be coming from. But if you showed a resolve and found this way to really make sure you can't do it again. And did it with their help, right in front of them, and asked them to consider not kicking you out because you're taking this step. And you really are serious about quitting. Maybe they would give you one more chance.
And honestly, I think you should tell your girlfriend. About your problem. I know it's hard. But if you haven't taken any money from her why would she leave you? Do it after you install the k9 then you can tell her that you've gotten help and the things you're willing to do , The length you are willing to go to to stop. If it is right she will respect you more and it's better than someone else telling her. Trust me.
Hello zvezek,
Welcome to the forum and well done for posting.
Clearly you're feeling anxious about some possible consequences of your recent behaviour, in particular the potential impact on your relationships and accomodation. You say that you're worried that you may 'Do something' to yourself. If you're worried about self-harming or if you have suicidal feelings, please talk with your doctor so you can benefit from professional help in managing your feelings.
Are you using any professional or peer support locally, to help you overcome your gambling problem? It sounds like you might be based outside Britain, if so, please look at our 'Links' page that details contact numbers and websites for services in other countries, for example the U.S.
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/about-us/links-other-support-agencies#.VPck5_msV1Y
Jenilee has shared some advice about putting blocks in place to prevent further lapses. That is a good idea; most of our forum users find it sensible and practical to protect their recovery with arrangements that limit their freedom to bet instantly on impulse, like self-exclusion agreements, blocking filters and limited access to money.
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VPcqMvmsV1Y
If you like you can start a diary in the 'Recovery diaries' section of the forum, as a way to share peer support on a regular basis.
Take care,
Forum Admin.
Zvezek,
You and your parents have had a difficult time but you can put it all behind you and still have a great future. Take the advice Forum Admin and Jenilee have given. They know what they are talking about.
Best Wishes.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
