Hi,
I'm pretty new. Only found out about my husband's gambling last week. He's already booked in with Beacon and I've chatted to an advisor here who's told me to speak to Beacon about my own counselling and to CAB about finances. I will be doing both but just wondering in the interim if anyone can offer advice.
Husband has agreed for me to transfer what's left of our savings into my name, for me to have access to all of his accounts and his credit check history. The only thing we can't work out is the house.
It's the most important thing to me, as it's the roof over my young daughter's head. However, how would transferring it into my name work? He paid the deposit for it and pays half the mortgage every month. He's therefore a bit reluctant to just say, 'ok have it, I don't own half of it anymore' and I sort of understand that.
He's happy for the mortgage to be in my name but him still legally co-own it, for example he'd get £ if I sold it.
Is that even possible though? And does this protect me in anyway? I can't risk him losing our house.
Hi JazzMax.
Its a difficult situation but when he is ready to stop, he will understand thats its not about treating him like a baby. Its about saving the quality of life for both of you.
You need financial advice but I would think that full control of the finances should be enough without transferring mortgages into one name. From his point of view I would naturally be wary about that because I have lived where my name was not on the housing agreement and that was precarious for me. I can understand his reluctance because he still understands the importance of a proper legal arrangement for something he has paid towards
However It is about protecting yourself. We are not financial advisors here and you do need professional and impartial advice preferably with both of you present for the discussion.
If your husband is prepared to take the main steps while his mind heals Im sure you can sort all of this out. There is no room for complacency and Im sure he will understand that.
You may need to see a solicitor based on advice but I hope that you can start to sort things out with your confidence that you do have control of finances and the credit file.
Its a learning process and you will be learning more about this addiction. You may also need some counselling and plenty of support. I do respect that its not your fault and it is entirely your decision how you deal with your relationship.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi jazzmax, as joydivider says we are not financial experts. Debt camel is apparently a good website for info. We tried to transfer our mortgage to me but as my husband was the big earner they wouldn't. If you can cover mortgage on your salary they might. Seek advice, ask your lender questions. Don't make any rash decisions. Once everything is in your name you are then responsible. Salary straight to you is the best way to ensure everything gets paid. Just remember debt of any kind in your name means that you take the risk. If you remove him from mortgage he then may have no responsibility for it. He needs to be accountable. He still needs to contribute, his gambling debt is last on your list. Initially we all freak out about money and debt, but think very carefully before you do anything that puts the financial burden on you. Taking control of finance is key, no loopholes. That doesn't mean debt. Good luck!
I think you probably need to take professional advice for this scenario but in the meantime so long as you are 100% on top of everything financially he shouldn't have much scope to cause further damage. You will also need to run credit checks regularly, to make sure there aren't any secret accounts being opened. They are all free via Noddle (Callcredit), Clearscore (Equifax) and Experian via MSE's credit club. I pay for Noddle alerts which will notify me if anything changes in between report updates.
When you say he's allowed you 'access' to his accounts does that mean you're operating them? Because that's how it needs to be. Mr L had a bank card to the joint account back fairly quickly as it was about the only thing he hadn't abused but he does all his spending through it. No cash (= no FOBT) and I see every receipt to make sure no cash is going out under cover of legitimate spending. I have the card to and operate his sole account which is a basic, no OD bank account purely for receipt of his salary which I transfer to my account on receipt. I then pay the bills from there. A similar arrangement might mean you could relax a little about the mortgage payment among others being made.
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