My First Post

hi Mike, to block yourself online there's a gambling blocker called ' TXNogam ' (google it) it offers a free 28 day trial if you're skint at the moment. that'll stop you online.

Think about self excluding at the bookies near your work, go in (without cash) & ask for a self-exclusion form.

Can you ask your partner to look after your cash / cards etc for a while ? just carry a small amount of cash with you & leave your cards at home.

As you said time with your daughter is very precious at the moment, it's valuable time try not to waste it! I grew up with my single mum gambling every day always on the phone to her bookmaker, i remember opening a statement from them showing losses when i was about 8, as i was suspicious. That didn't stop me from gambling later on. Her gambling meant she was emotionally absent / neglectful of me, as well as not taking me out to places etc. We used to use the same t****g over & over again!

So please value the time with your daughter, you'll never get it back.

Maybe there's a responsibility issue with a partner & child ? do you feel you're carrying too much weight on your shoulders ? so you ease the burden through gambling to take the pressure off ? the problem is that just makes things worse, through the financial loss & emotional pain / absence that gambling brings. It ends up adding to your responsibility not reducing it.

The obsession with gambling will greatly reduce over time the more / longer you stay off it. Even after a few days off your head will be a lot clearer, gambling takes up a lot of head space while you're doing it. You'll feel much more balanced even after a few days, so plse aim for that initially. one day at a time as they say in GA. tc

Davey

Thanks a lot for writing it means a lot.

I don't feel like I'm carrying too much weight on my shoulders as my fianc is fantastic looking after our daughter and I get involved as much as I can I don't tend to gamble on weekends it's mainly during the week at work so I will see about self exclusion today thanks for the tip! The problem is I spend all my money in the week and can't afford to do things with the family at weekends which I hate myself for!

I'm feeling much more positive today! It's day one and as you said take it day by day!

Thanks again for writing

TC

Hi Mike, welcome to the Forum,

I have to echo Davey's comments in respect of carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders my friend; it isn't the responsibility itself as you seem to have that well covered, but your thoughts about your daughters long-term well being and security (and how it could be affected through gambling) is clearly having an effect, consciously or subconsciously.

I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago - there were a lot of false starts before those five years started; the problem is that relapse can be a shattering, soul-wrenching experience; you feel like you have undone all your hard work so it doesn't matter if you fall deeper and deeper down that dark hole.

But all your hard work hasn't been in vain my friend; you have learned a great deal, had a good period of abstinance, and you should be very proud of yourself. Ok, you have slipped, but that doesn't mean you have to push it beyond the point of what you can handle; make this your "Part Two", not your "Day One".

This is a precious time in your life; if you stop now, then your daughter will never know, or feel the after-effects of your gambling. If you carry on, her whole life is likely to be affected, one way or the other - that is not a judgement on you my friend; I am saying this because most people (myself included), come here when it is far, far too late - so many people have posted when the family has gone, or the bailiffs are at the door, when they are homeless, or when they have stolen from their employees - I am saying what I am saying because I want you to cherish and value this opportunity to get things back on track.

You are clearly a good, kind and decent person; gambling makes you do bad things and, after a time, that is all people will see and know. You have a golden opportunity to put things right and turn your life around - these thoughts about Blackjack and other games will dissipate again in time, they always do - "ride the storm" my friend, get through the day and things will become easier for you again in time.

Well done for your progress so far, this is your Part Two my friend as I said - use what you have learned, remember what you went through when you relapsed, and remember that you have a chance to have a life where none of this has any relevance anymore.

JamesP

Hi Mike,

Welcome to the forum, and well done for posting here.

I’m glad that you made the effort to take the necessary steps to do something about your gambling problem which you reckon is beginning to surface again.

It is also good that you’re reading the postings from the forum for strength, and learning about strategies to help you overcome your gambling addiction problem. It seems the ball has been set rolling already with the response and advice that you’re receiving from the forum.

In addition to paying your bills and mortgage at the end of the month, I’ll advise that you give your partner the money for your outings for the month so as to stop yourself from using it to gamble.

Alternatively, you can discuss and ask your partner to take control of all your finances until such time that you feel well recovered to manage your finances again.

I do agree with you that with such a young family, you need to spend the money and time with them instead.

Do try and let go of your losses; focus on your recovery process, and also look forward to a gamble free life for the future. It’s doable, and you can overcome your problem gambling by observing the strategies and keeping to the boundaries.

I’ll also suggest that when you go for Self Exclusion, you exclude for a long period of time like 10years/ indefinite; this is to give yourself enough time to get used to the idea of not gambling.

Perhaps it’ll be advisable to contact our free phone Helpline on 0808 8020 133 to have a 1 to 1 chat with one of our specially trained advisers for more help and support.

Thanks again for using the forum, and please keep posting as often as you can.

Best wishes,

Beatrice

James P

Thank you so much for that message that really made me open my eyes! what you said makes so much sense and I agree with everything you said 100% so I thank you again part 2 it is!!!

Beatrice I'd also like to thank you for your message I have self excluded myself indefinitely from the online sites but the bookies needed 2 passport photos so I'll have to do that Tomo

Thanks again to you both

Mike