Well i thought it was all over but it returned

Hi Matt, welcome back to the Forum; I remember replying to you previously.

It is important to remember that self-exclusion and blocking software are just preventative methods, and not a cure.

I feel that you find it difficult to maintain all of these positive thoughts and feelings; you must accept that there are going to be some bad days, but as long as you "ride the storm", tomorrow is almost always a better day.

You know where you went wrong my friend; you know what happened - there was a time and a moment where all of what you had been through, and everything you had learnt, went out the window and far away. This is what you must analyze very, very deeply my friend - not that time in your life but the moment itself; whatever it was, you have to learn from it and ensure it doesn't happen again - if not, then it may be another couple of years, and yet another post along these lines; by which time, things may be too much for those around you.

I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago. I went to GA, but this Forum was more of a help long-term, purely because it was accessible 24/7, and you can speak to anyone anonymously about anything - this is such an isolating illness because so few understand; this is why it is vital to keep the contact up (the Recovery Diaries section is very popular) - don't feel bad about posting; tell people about your good days, tell them about the bad - it may well stop you crossing the line my friend.

I also feel that you are all over the place at times; you must try and focus my friend - don't allow yourself to let things consume you; think of the future, think of the life you are creating with your partner, think of what you want to achieve in life; there are going to be some days when that all goes out the window as I said but that's ok, you are only human - just find a way where you can cope well enough to get you through to the next day; since stopping, I do charity work, write, sing, go hiking and so much more.

Your girlfriend does deserve you - there is nothing wrong with you as a person my friend; the problem is that gambling makes you do bad things and make you take bad choices - if they banned it tomorrow, worldwide, then you would see an instant change; that isn't going to happen so you must reach that place in your own mind. If not, then people will only know the haunted reflection of the real you.

Draw a line under this experience; this isn't Day 1, this is your Part Two my friend - learn from your Day 1, use the negative experience that you went through when you started gambling again and turn it into a positive; if this experience was the final hurdle, the one final thing that made you stop altogether, forever, then it would have been completely worth it - this is what you must do my friend, give this negative experience meaning, make it a step forward instead of a step back.

JamesP

Thank you James for reply. I think at times I just need reassuring about what needs to be done. As my girlfriend says were a team and we will get through this together.

I'm even more determined to completely avoid gambling this time no matter what it takes.

I contacted a local member of my GA who explained at any point he will be on the other end of the phone if needed. So it is reassuring that a complete stranger is willing to help out at all hours

I've recently agreed to coach some rugby which will take up a week night and a Sunday. I currently play right myself so I'm pretty active however the seasons over so now I just have free ti!me which needs filling.