My own worst enemy...

Oh really sorry about that. >.<

But I have to say people have been so nice and supportive so far. So glad I found this site. <3

Hi Kibble, good to see you have told your family & great that they are able to return some of the support you are giving them 🙂 They can also use the site to get support & learn how they can best support you if they need it.

Can I suggest that you maybe consider getting your dad to scratch the CVV number off of the back of the card (assuming you don't know it)!

Also, no disrespect to Spraggy but given that your profession is so demanding I would recommend that you also have a chat with the helpline & give some one to one counselling a consideration. You obviously love your father but that doesn't mean you don't harbour some regrets about being the main care giver & as a family member you probably don't get anywhere near the right support that you should!

This is a great place to be when you need to let off steam & go you with the sketching (I colour, badly, to keep busy), the avatar is v cool 🙂

Time to start living - ODAAT

Thanks for the kind words ODAAT and your advice, it is greatly appreciated.

I feel so much better for having come clean (it was a comment about needing to be honest about it in order to recover fully) that made me realise that if I want to get a grip on my problem, I need to be totally honest.

I even told two of my close friends last night. Thankfully they were supportive, something I should really have never doubted for a minute, but you know how our minds work heh.

I would get my dad to scratch the back of the card, but I know the number as is. But I don't remember the long number so as long as he keeps a hold of it I should be fine as all my bill payments are saved so I don't have to enter any new numbers etc.

I think you are right, with regards needing to talk to someone professional, especially considering the fact I am a carer. I do have some support, my stepmother has some physical capablities so we can tag team to a degree, but again I provide them physical support and they support me when it comes to my mental health so it balances out. BUt yes, I should contact the helpline, I guess I am just... I just feel there are people who probably need their help more than me... That and perhaps I am a little scared to make that call as it were...

Oh and thanks. Drawing I have always found to be theraputic, its kept me going through some dark times. =)

-Kibble

Just been browsing the thread and noticed you live in Nottinghamshire. Me too 🙂

I'm the broxtowe side, are you anywhere near there?

Hi Pinky. Erm nope. Never been there either. Im closer to Sherwood Forest

Everyone on here deserves the help of the helpline, regardless. Don't let addiction or your mental health do you a disservice & tell you you are not worthy...You are! Addiction doesn't want you to get help but facing your fears & picking up the phone to do something that may help gives you back a bit of control. You don't have to fight alone!

You do a job that I simply couldn't do & despite the support you all can give each other, the demands on each of you are sometimes relieved by having an outside ear.

Drawing is such a safe place to be, it helps you express your emotions...You have a talent, enjoy it - ODAAT

Thank you again for such kind words, ODAAT. I know I shouldn't think that way about getting help, but as you know the mind can be your worst enemy.

I think I just have to keep telling myself that in the end, this isn't just about me. I need to be strong for me, but also others because if I can't help myself, how will be able to help anyone else.

I almost called the helpline last night, thoughts started popping into my head. Thankfully I remembered I had self-excluded lol. CAn't play no matter how much them demons keep trying to tempt me.

- Kibble