My recovery

Hi there to introduce myself my name is Rob, I am 28 from Manchester & I have been a gambler for 8 years (6 1/2 years of that have been problematic) I am not new to the site but have returned under a different alias.

Just to sum it up I first started gambling when a friend of mine introduced me to online casinos who is also a gambler himself. That night I turned £20 into £7,000 & then lost the lot. Little did I know that would be a sign of things to come in the future.

To explain my background a little I suffer with autism I wasn't the most social person when I were younger. I didn't go out very much & preferred to stop in watching TV & playing video games & the like. I got bullied a bit in high school for being in the lower tier classes if u like but then after leaving school I got in with the wrong crowd, began drinking, smoking, taking drugs etc. Then began working after that I left my first job after 3 months I weren't really cut out for that job as such because I got that job through my sisters other half bragging my grades on my C.V & clearly wasn't up to it. 9 months past then I started working for a well known retailer. I were with the company for 8 1/2 years. In that time I weren't earning the best income in the world from them & then after that first night of gambling got sucked into it. Then I started hitting the FOBTs & losses started getting into the hundreds. Began playing roulette initially & then blackjack only later on. As much as I'm a sports fan (particularly football Man United fan btw) I lived at home at this time & then started getting into s**t with it being silly taking them bloody payday loans out etc. Got £1,500 into debt with them & parents became concerned (my dad's dad were a problem gambler so seen it all with him) seemed to shake that off a bit went to GA I found I weren't putting the effort into the meetings that I should have been doing. Been GA on & off in the meanwhile btw. Had my slips here & there some bad but it all sort of came to a head last year. Dad passed away from lung cancer just after new year 2012. Then my mum moved on & met someone else 2 years later. A year later they set a home up for me & my brother & took control of my finances & set up a standing order of the bills to come out from my account to my mums as all the bills came out of her name. All weren't bad I were missing having my finances & did push a bit for getting them back earlier on last year & I did eventually. Shortly after that I met the girl of my dreams via an online dating site. I told her about my gambling issue beforehand & 2 weeks before I were due to meet up with her I blew £1,700 in a night on blackjack after being out with a workmate 4 a few pints. I were mortified, came clean to her about it, had to lend the money to take her out to Blackpool on my birthday last year when I asked her to be mine & she said yes. Good thing she said yes but looking back I wish it were in better circumstances.

I then came clean to my mum & her partner about what had happened then they were P****d off but offered to take my finances off me again & set up a plan to clear the NatWest overdraft but I refused.

Then I began panicking as to where I could get the money from to sort my mess out so I found a company that would approve me for a loan. I popped into their branch & because of the standing order to my mums account (£750) they could only offer me £1.000. I took that. The weekend after that I met her old man & her partner for the first time, work were still getting me down & I found his partner abit snobby questioning my future careee choice at the time. Me & her moves on not long after & I then snuck off in the toilets of that bar & made a betting account & proceeded to play blackjack deposited £500. Were playing that till we headed Bach to hers, she wondered why I were in the toilet so long, when we got back to hers gambled in front of her she were like what the f**k are u doing etc. Safe to say I lost that then proceeded to deposit the other £500 I had the morning after waiting for the bus home, I were then trying to get loans I weren't gonna get approved for etc. I didn't turn in work for a week because I were totally depressed because of it. I went back in & explained my absence apart from the gambling side of things. They allowed me back but with a warning.

For this company I done a variety of roles & done a supervisory role for them I were bullied by management & in a lot of ways didn't work out so I dropped down from it.

Then next payday arrived & because my wages were paid into my NatWest account which were already nearly maxed out in terms of overdraft the standing order bounced back out. Before that I asked my mates other half ( they know all too well about my problems with gambling) if she'd be a guarantor for an amigo loan she said she couldn't do it as she had too much credit out a present. I felt like a P***k for it & had since apologised for it. That night I were out with the work lot for a leavers do (with what's to come it might as well have been my leavers do as well) I got pretty drunk that night & then went home & went onto another casino site & blew £600. That were meant to be for rent. Again I didn't go in work the next day had my mum texting saying why haven't I received the rent? I lied & said something went wrong with it. Safe to say they come over the next day & I confessed to them & subsequently I were kicked out of there. In all fairness I deserved it I still didn't go in work & they sacked me after a disciplinary hearing due to my unexplained absence from them. To be honest I had been after a change for a long while from them but never truly looking into pushing myself into it. The only thing I did look at in the meanwhile were a psychology & counselling degree with the open university which I didn't end up going for & it's not an aspiration of mine any longer.

Then not long after that I had to lodge for a few weeks at my sister in laws for nearly a month bear in mind I'd just come out of my job & now homeless. After that month I had to leave there coz she were close to getting chucked out herself for rent arrears. Then I went to the local housing association who got my sister to put me up for a bit. I started out there signed on jobseekers, applied for a few jobs without any luck etc. Then had my final pay from work which was peanuts if I'm honest. I went along to my mates stag do with only £60, everyone were buying each other drinks & I had to do the same as well. Then I snuck off from the lads & blew £40 on the FOBT. I were then telling my other half by text I wanted to top myself that night & had her worrying ringing my family members & all sorts.

Then a few weeks after that I had to leave my sisters coz of the pressure she were under with her little ones, the housing association put me into a hostel. God I were sat in a room with f**k all not good at all, at this point my contract phone had been virtually cut off so living off wifi. Had a couple of job interviews but then went and applied for a job at the new Amazon warehouse near Manchester Airport. Got a job with them same week 🙂 started that & then a couple of weeks later I got offered a flat in a high rise block by the housing association. I took that, got bits for it got TV Internet Xbox etc. Christmas came & it were a good one. At this point through all of this got my relationships back on track with ppl, my mum & her partner forgiven me & my partner stood by me. Despite pressure at the time from a couple of her friends to leave me because of what I did.

New year come & gone that were a good one as well. I got made permanent at my new work & made payment arrangements with my creditors & settled up the arrears on my contract phone & now got it back. Were then 4 months without a bet but this week on Tuesda y night were out with a few of my new workmates & had a bit to drink, one of the lads mentioned going to the casino then immediately a lightbulb switched on in my head. Made this new betting account & slammed £150 on it straight away & began playing blackjack when we got into the next bar. Had the misses texting me worried coz she knows I have a past track record of gambling whilst drunk. Told her everything would be fine & I wouldn't gamble before I went out. Then my phone went flat. I lost them lot after a bit coz I'd had nothing to eat all night & went to find a takeout. My fault in a way coz I'd lost them.

I then got a taxi home & already £60 up on that deposit, I played for a bit before my money went up & down & I lost it (surprise surprise) I didn't have a bet for 4 1/2 months before that. I then went to text my other half to say that I'm complete s**m for what i did (it's only her I've told up to now) again as much as she weren't happy about it she's still been there for me somwhat. I am typing all of this whilst I'm in bed next to her.

I spent all day yesterday feeling like absolute s**t because of it. For me it ain't good what happened but a relapse is a relapse & the best thing I can do is take stock of it.

I had been undergoing the gamcare counselling for a few months & were due to end it yesterday but because of the present situation I've had my sessions extended for a few more weeks. She also thinks I should take more care whilst I'm out to prevent any further gambling. I also self excluded from the betting company I used.

It's c**P what's happened again but I've gotta dust myself down & move forward. The next people to be finding out if I carried on doing it would be my partners family & id rather that didn't happen.

Moving forward I had been making payments towards my debts & got approved for a top up to one of my loans which I plan to use for a crash course & from my old work place I'm getting pension funds paid back to me. I plan to use that for a holiday & car etc. Things will sort themselves out over the year but now I want to have my face forward. Chin up & not look back. I am not a bad person just gambling makes me bad. Just be the best person I can be in this life from here on in & have some fun in the meantime.

I'll be posting every other day or whatever to any replies etc coz I work nights at my job so won't be able to attend the evening chats sadly did frequent them a few times.

Not sure I'm returning to GA as of yet I work the night that meetings on. Will consider another one tho.

I am much better than the self-loathing guilt, horrible existence I am when I do gamble. Sorry for the essay folks but that's where I'm up to at the moment.

I have still not put a couple of bits in but that's most of it.

Much love to my family & my amazing partner Becky for putting up with all of this from me. The thing is I've got to take more caution in life quite evidently.

I will be more than happy to support others in theirs quests as well.

My name is Rob & I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet were Tuesday