My boyfriend has had issues with betting for years. It was all "sorted" a year ago and he has been "bet free". We have just started an application for a mortgage and to buy a house. It is now apparent that the betting started again in April and has been going on since. So there is no his part of the deposit. I don't understand how the lying can be so easy to me? I need help understanding how other people can actually go back to partners once you have been through it all and thought it was over. I have told other people who I know have been through similar issues that I am so proud of him for sorting himself out. Turns out that pride was fabricated. Help me please!!
Hi what to do.
I can imagine its all come as a shock to you and you’re really upset..rightly so.
Gambling is an addiction, like a drug. This is coming from a gambler who did the similar to what you’re facing now. My mentality unfortunately people get hurt in the process. It seems as though your partner has an addiction that would need help and treatment like any other. Unfortunately the lying is part of parcel of that.
trust is ruined through gambling so if you’re wanting to forgive and move forward it becomes a child and adult situation, managing all the finances, ensuring blocks are in place, ensuring their getting help etc. Then you’re able to see the commitment to the tomorrow and a gamble free life.
its tough and unfortunately like any addiction hurts those most important to us. I wish you all the best and hope you can get it sorted.
Thank you for your reply. It is nice to hear from you.
With regards to the child and parent situation, he has offered to do that. But he isn't offering because he knows he has an issue he is offering so I take him back. Surely unless he recognises he needs that kind of support to move forward and leave the betting behind, he will resent it?
It is very tough this time around. I think it is harder than when I first found out.
From my personal experience it had to get to the point I wanted change and needed change. There had been many times id made false promises only to be in the casino a couple weeks later or online.
So I agree with what you’re saying, someone needs to want to change... otherwise resentment and more than likely relapse is on the cards.
If he really wants to change he should be seeking out the support and putting the stops in place now. Regardless of where everything else is at. Its not an easy road for sure...its one where there may well be hiccups along the way. I think the persons commitment to change matters a lot.
Hi what to do! I am a compulsive gambler that hid from my partner and lied about money and built up hidden debt, and didn’t do anything about it until “it came out” of course it was all apologies etc and it was the best thing that could have happened! I tried to stop put barriers in place, but really there is only one person who can stop me gambling and that is me!! Barriers are needed At times but day by day hard work is needed to stop. Mental illness! Take care and protect yourself first!! Then offer support but not money is my advice take care!
Hi Jappy. My issue is that he says he will stop and that he can just stop. That there is no issue with stopping but he would prefer to bet. He says that he doesn't spend any other money on himself so saw nothing wrong with it. He isn't betting the same volume as before I will admit that.... but it was still £160 in the past 10 days... I would say that is more than normal! And worrying considering how much he was doing and the debt he racked up. Am I over reacting? Is that manageable? Considering he has no savings now I would say it is not...
Hi what to do! Sounds like me!! He sound as if he is in denial- which is not great! If he wants to stop and you want to help I suggest that you take control of all the finances and feed him money you can afford and he can spend, then at least you have control? Protect yourself first. For someone losing £k’s £150 is peanuts, for a sensible sane person £150 is a lot of hard earned money! Take care
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