Need advice

Hi Smudgey and welcome to the forum :)).

Firstly I'm a Compulsive Gambler but I've not had a bet in nearly 2 years so I can only really speak about what I've experienced since being on this site , there is a page for Family and Friends on here which has many people with a storiy like yours and If I'm honest you'll get all the support you'll need on there as their all a great bunch >

I feel you can only support a Compulsive gambler so much before it takes it's toll on you , youv'e realised already that all the promises to give up or seek help have been empty ones and he's continued to gamble . This addiction is his and not your's , you haven't caused it and only he can make the decision to seek help and stop if that's what he want's but unless he's ready to stop it won't change whatever you say or do , such is the hold gambling has over us .

During my time as an active gambler , I've told countless lies , borrowed money to gamble from anywhere I could get it , from loans and credit card's and used money that was set aside for better things and never once did I stop to consider the consequenses of how it was affecting those that I claimed to love , all I was interested in was getting my next fix .

I'm ashamed to write that now looking back but it's honestly the way it was .

You have to now as you have already told him Give him the ultimatum and stick to it , you need solid proof that he's seeking help , there's councilling available on here free of charge or he could speak with an adviser , which you could also do if you so wish , he could look for a GA meeting in his area , there's also support there for you if you feel the need as well .

By all means support him but don't enable him by helping him with money or paying off his debt's as it won't help , if as he claims he's no good with money then you or afamily member can take charge of all his finances if you need to , that way he's accountable for every penny he spends , some on here provide reciepts to ther other halfs . This is all going to sound excessive but believe me an active gambler will do anything to continue gambling if he's not ready to quit .

This is about protecting yourself , until you get total transparency from him and full proof that he's doing what's needed ! .

If the love for this man has gone and there is no going back , then just walk away as it sound's as thoiugh youv'e given him many chances to change , as I said as much as you may have loved him it wont change until he does so it now becomes about looking after you .

I'm sorry for not being much use as I'm only telling it like it is for us gamblers and the levels we sink too in addiction but maybe have a read of the f andF section and some of the stories which all bear the same similarities .

Take care and remember to look after you :))

Hi smudgey please stop blaming yourself. I'm wife of a cg and hear everything you're saying. Your minds all over the place and you can't think straight. Your initial reaction is to help, he'll be better soon and stop. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. As you said it destroys your feelings, it leaves you and him numb. 90 days some say you should wait, give it time. Alan135 says it from a cg view. Don't feel you've abandoned him, it's tough love. It's not your problem it's not your debt, but if you are together you will constantly be paying physically and emotionally. I go to gamanon meetings, I've been married 17 years, I've been to meetings before and after few years thought yes it's good, he's stopped I don't need to come. So here I am back at meetings. I think you've done the right thing for you. You're being honest. He may get help, he may not. It's a really hard addiction to deal with, you can't deal with a liar. Get some advice from gamcare call the helpline. Would I have left if I had known? Who knows. Make sure your money is safe. Look after yourself and try not to be manipulated. I wish you luck!