I've been gambling ever since I turned 18. I started with just a tenner here, a tenner there. By my early twenties I was out of control. Losing hundreds per week. As I've progressed with my career and earns more and more money, I've somehow just managed to get more and more into debt. And the more I get into debt, the more I gamble to try and get out of it, thus getting me into more debt. It's a vicious circle that I can't get out of.
I'm now in the fortunate situation of having a very well paid job, yet have managed to get myself into approx 60 or 70k of debt. I have lost my grip on reality. Gambling 2 or 3 grand in a day isn't abnormal to me. I realise this is crazy. I have moments of realisation when I'm in bed at night and I think to myself that's it now. I'm not doing it anymore. Then somehow I put a little bet on and spiral out of control. Always end up chasing losses. I will lose 200 quid and plough a grand into chasing it. Then I feel so stupid for doing it.
I've now hit rock bottom. All my family and friends think I'm so well off. I've. Got a good job, nice car, live in a lovely house. But the truth is I'm living a lie.
I constantly have around 6 grand in payday loan debt. I get paid, pay them off and then take them all back out again. I must be throwing a grand a month down the drain in the interest payments. Then there's the 5 high interest credit cards that I've maxed out. Every time I pay some off, I use the card to deposit more money into gambling.
I have tried to stop on so many occasions. I have broken down and told my partner everything and promised to quit. I truly believed it aswell. Yet that was 2 and a half years ago and the problem is so much worse now. I was losing maybe 6-10 grand a year. Now I think I've lost 50k plus in the last year. I'm too scared to work it out, as it makes me feel suicidal.
My latest attempt at quitting came on the 14th June. I wrote the date down because I truly believed it would be the last day I would place a bet... How wrong I was. Those evil thoughts crept back in my mind and I started dreaming of the big win. Took out about 1500 quid in payday loans. Blown it all. What a fool I am. Yesterday, I attempted to quit again. And have successfully got through today without having a bet.
Just going to take one day at a time.
I have come onto this forum so many times when I've been low and attempting to quit but never actually posted. Thought I would try something different this time. Get it all out in the open. Because nobody in the world knows the extent of this problem. I'm constantly lying about it and feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. The stress is unbearable, making me so Ill. Which is why I need to stop. I've realised I don't enjoy a single second of my life. I want to take back my life while I'm still a relatively young man. Gambling has deprived me of so much and has taken control of my life for 11 years. Now is the time to change...
Hi
Your story reads like my own. You need to hand over all access to cash. Then you need to begin your journey I would go to GA but not everyone here wants to do that. The sort of gambling your doing is extremely dangerous. At the end of my gambling |I did not care about anything and wanted to end it all. My head was done in and I think your is too. This does not mean that this attempt to stop will be successful but to give yourself a chance you need to hit this addiction hard. Follow advice on here it may sound nutty at times but once you get a few days behind you, you can make decisions but do not handle money at any point (i make this point as once you get a few days behind you once again you may try to get hands on the money) simply no money no gamble. Once you stop gambling you can make decisions that need to be made.
Hi michael. Thanks for the reply. I know your advice is good about handing over control of money but it's not possible because I have to run my business. Which means dealing with large amounts of money on a regular basis. I have however, cut up all my cards and deleted them from the betting sites.
You're correct. My head is done in. Well and truly. Every time I've lost more money, I lay in bed feeling empty and wishing to not wake up.
But even though my financial situation could not be much worse, today I haven't gambled a penny. And I feel good. I feel positive that I can break free from this. I have no choice.
May I ask How you are getting on with your recovery?
Hi Mate, I also run my own business and we deal in large amounts too on occasion. But the way I see it was either I go with this or the business is not worth having. I emphasize this is not for ever but maybe for a year or two. My recovery well lets say its not perfect I still want to have a bet when things are not going right but I don't really have a choice if I look logically my gambling was not a money thing it was a stress reliever. I can think of cheaper ways to go. I am not going to tell you I will never gamble again but hopefully I won't tomorrow and I take it from there. I am just saying your a smart guy if you want this you can work ways around the cash issue. But this is a messed up disease you can't even trust yourself I can't believe looking back where I was head wise and the damage gambling has done to my mentality. I hope you find a recovery on here it took me a while but I am going okay.
I am just short of nine months free every aspect of my life has improved because my head is not preoccupied with gambling -family, business & health.
That's amazing mate. You're doing great. I hope I can reach 9 months.
I know that every aspect of my life would improve too. My social life is non-existent because I spend all my money on gambling and all my time watching the sports I've gambled on.
I know I can't go on like I have because the stress is unbearable. And the depression is making my life very difficult. Everybody just thinks I'm a miserable git but they don't know what's going on in this messed up head of mine..
Anyway, I'm onto day two now. It's a start I suppose.I'm determined to succeed this time.
Sounds like us all, in the end it was my head that brought me to an end. I was just obsessed with gambling I went to a GP he advised some anti-anxiety medication I don't know if they helped( I no longer take them) but I managed to break the cycle. But I still hanker for a bet but I know the consequences if I go back I will end up at the very least where I once was. It's a horrible disease but life can become good again pretty quick.
Hi Richard
I'm on day 15 - no gambling and this forum has really helped me. I haven't posted much but just reading inspirational stories has really got me through. Even though its only two weeks I feel much better about myself than I have done for a long time. More relaxed and happy. I've even managed to buy myself things with money that would have gone down the drain so I am noticing a difference already. I have had the urge to gamble but I come here instead and after reading a bit the urge passes and my determination kicks in again. You can do it!:-)
Sharon.
Hi Sharon. Well done on getting to day 15!
I'm glad you're feeling happier. I'm hoping the same will happen to me. I keep having thoughts popping up telling me to have one last gamble...and fantasising about that one big win that would sort all my problems. But I've ignored them so far. Deep down, I know that even if I got the big win. I would just gamble it all away. I always do.
Thankyou. I'm the same. A few weeks ago I joined a new site and won 3000 (alot of money for me) I had to wait 48 hours before I could withdraw being new to the site and then 48 hours where it could be reversed. You can guess the rest. Whatever I won was never going to be enough so even when I got my "big" win I gave it all back anyway. I knew then I had to stop altogether. I hope you are doing ok. Sharon
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