Needing help

Well it's Xmas eve, and not much has changed. Partner never rang the helpline as he's still in denial saying he doesn't have a problem, lie after lie comes out of his mouth, he's currently upstairs in a huff cos I tackled him again about his gambling, of course it's all my fault!!! Well get Xmas over and think a new start is on the cards for me, I'm finished with this way of life, it's far too stressful. Anyway merry Xmas to everyone xx

Hi there , If he doesn't feel he has a problem and is in denial there's not much you can do until he's ready !, it's just about you now and how much your willing to put up with, it's not fair to expect you to continue the way things are if he's not willing to seek help ! ........ Look after you !

Hi, DH,

Sorry to hear it's still bad, but the same nasty question that I asked Concerned Boyfriend: why would he bother to change? You're still his safety net, you're still tolerating the gambling, albeit under protest. He's behaving badly, he's dragging you down... but your focus is still on him.

Your plight is that you are in a relationship with an active CG who presently refuses to stop. What are you going to do to change your situation? It's almost impossible without help and support ... but you are the only person who can seek out and accept that help and support. I'd recommend GamAnon meetings, and GC counselling, even if you need babysitters and to travel. By doing this, you are showing him that you are taking measures to address a real problem. When my husband was in denial and I told him that I was going for my assessment at GC, it jolted him. I also wouldn't keep the secret for him, the act of telling his parents because they need to know also addresses the existence of a real problem. If you're thinking of leaving him, (that's entirely down to you), look seriously at the options, get legal advice, try the CAB? Again, show him what you're doing to address a real problem.

The other aspect is that learning to change your responses to him. You've already found out the hard way that pleading, berating and interrogating him don't work. But you do want to make it clear that you don't believe his lies, that he can't justify his gambling through you, that despite his anger the bank statements set out the reality of his problem.

Hope this helps, look after yourself.

CW

Well 2016 has arrived and big changes ahead for me. Finally found the courage to end it, there was no other choice really he refused to acknowledge he even had a problem and has got me into so much debt. I have reported the theft from my credit card to the fraud people so just have to see what happens hope I'm not liable for it. Hope 2016 is a better year for everyone on here, and for anyone in the same predicament as me seek help from friends forums anywhere you can to get the strength to get through it x

Hi Dh, Sorry to hear that things have ende so badly for you in 2015 but It's great that your going into 2016 with a fresh start .

As I said to you before , with our addiction unless your ready to admit you have a problem and seek help there's not much anyone else , even those closest to you can do about it .

For your sake I'm glad youv'e made the choice to draw a line under it and take care of yourself , hopefully the c,c company will see that this debt is not your doing and take action on your behalf.

I hope everything works out for the best and that you can put this behind you and have a great future .

Take care and I wish yiou a happy new year in 2016

Alan

Hi DH

Been reading through your posts. Sorry to hear that you've had a tough time. I personelly feel that you've made the right decision in ending things with your partner. Not like the warnings weren't there. Maybe this will be the best thing for him, as shamefully in most cases its only when we CG hit rock bottom that we wake up to our situation. Than from there we realise we have a problem, can seek help and start rebuilding our lives.

Well done for the hard work & commitment you gave in trying to help your partner. Wishing you the best future possible.

Matt

Had a stressful start to the year. Now my ex partner is no longer in my life, I've had the chance to think clearly for the first time in a long time. I've come to the conclusion that he is a Physcopath he's shown no remorse at all, and is trying to recruit his next victim on dating sites!!! He is to be interviewed by the police on Friday but they don't hold out much hope of getting him to admit the theft. The credit card company are holding me liable for the debt so things not going that well for me the victim, but on the other hand I now have peace of mind and no longer have to hide all my money/cards etc, it's been a hard lesson to learn but the future will get better x

Hi, DH,

Sorry it's so hard but you've done what you had to do to protect yourself and the children.

Push as hard as you can about the fraud on the credit cards, don't take "no" for an answer. The efforts being made on your behalf sound feeble. If you didn't give him permission, or he tricked or forced you to let him use the cards, that's enough. If you've got bank statements or other hard evidence of the gambling, show the police and insist that they hear you, insist that it was fraud/theft, even if he was in the same household. If you were complaining about domestic violence, they'd take it seriously; this is a different form of abuse.

Look after yourself,

CW

Hi DH , Sorry to hear youv'e had a rubbish start to the new year but it is a new year for you !.

Youv'e made the right decision and that's been proved to you by the actions of your ex , as much as you loved him you couldn't keep suffering and looking out for him as if he were a child , thats not your job !.

Hopefully in time he will look back and realise what he's done but as we know on here some will never change .

It's about you now , your sanity and peace of mind knowing that you don't have to worry that he's no longer dragging you deeper into debt and all the other issues that go with living with a CG.

I hope you get some justice with regards the money as it's really not fair that you suffer again for your partners addiction .

I hope that you do have a happy new year , despite it setting off on the wrong foot and look forward to speaking with you again , should you need to share with us all again .

Take care for now ..............................Alan

Hi DH just been reading through your posts. What a shame your marriage has ended this way for you both. You have tried your best in supporting him and getting help, it is sad he can not see that and is unable to face up to his addiction yet. I wish you well for the future and hope your ex will realise he needs help before he invites another lady into his life - wcid x

Well it's been a long road I had to take my case to the ombudsman as the police never charged him, they went in my favour and the credit card have refunded the money that my ex stole. He now had a new partner and is doing exactly the same to her, I've tried to warn her but she's so infatuated with him she doesn't want to know, but hey that's up to her she'll find out the hard way I've done all I can. I'm so much happier now been getting a few things sorted round the house now I have a bit of money for myself onwards and upwards x