Nervous and ashamed

Hi Lou,

A very warm welcome to you on this Forum!

Thank you for sharing your story here. It would have been difficult to open up in the way you have and I would like to congratulate you for doing so. You have had a long journey with problem gambling, loneliness and depression and I think you have shown a lot of courage by starting to open up about all this.

There is a lot of help and support for you, Lou. I am sure that you will find the members of this Forum supportive and this gives you a great opportunity to start exchanging with others and say what's on your mind. Maybe you would like to join us in one of the chatrooms, too, where you can talk to others in real time with a moderator present. You can see the chat times here on the Forum.

Self exclusion from the gambling sites you use is a good starting point. Maybe you could also use blocking software, depending on the device you use or talk to your bank to see whether you can change your account to one which doesn't allow you to use your card online.

There are many practical strategies which can help you stop. We also have counselling services available across the UK and you might be able to access one of these. An advisor on the Helpline 0808 8020133 or Netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline will be able to help you and, if you wish, refer you to counselling, too. Counselling is a place where you can talk about your feelings, your gambling, your loneliness, your depression.

If you feel really low, I would also encourage you to see your GP and ask for advice.

You are not alone with this, Lou. We are here to support you.

Kind wishes

Gabriele

Welcome belle...like you I got dragged into addiction with online slots....
It will help to read diarys on here....let it all sink in a bit...take a look at mine if you want. ..if nothi g else it will show you that you are not alone...stay close to here and take one day at a time...x

Hello and thankyou first for your lovely reply. I currently use a kindle fire or iPhone for sites and I am just about to look into it now to see wheat is available regarding the blocking of gambling sites. There is a lot of different things at have all led me to this starting with a horrible relationship break up and having to start over with debt , hence the reasons I kind of locked myself away from people and feel so lonely. I am currently seeing a doctor with regards to the depression, they have suggested counselling previously and at the time I wasn't feeling like I was ready to talk to anyone about it. Maybe I should rethink and send the forms back in to see how that could help. Its really encouraging to see I am not alone in this situation (even though I do feel like I am), and seeing the progress people are making makes me more confident this is something I can overcome. My guilt I feel for spending money that I really don't have is spurring me on to get moving and start my journey on a happier more confident path for myself and my little one. Thankyou again

Hi loxxie , thankyou for reading and replying. I've joined today and am currently reading through a lot here, its reassuring to know I'm not alone, and although my debt is not as extreme as some, I think getting a hold on that and not hiding myself away thinking I have it under control is ultimately going to improve my depression. I shall see now if I can find the online diaries and have a read through. Thankyou so much again xx

If you tap on my name it will take you to my profile..then click on thread. ..online slots. ..hope it helps x

Thankyou loxxie, just been reading througfor que a while and I'm amazed at how well you are doing! From the beginning of the diary you can feel your mood start to change for the better as you begin to realise you are keeping on top of this. Its so good you have support of your family and they sound amazing, unfortunately my family would not be so understanding I think and to be quite honest , right now I don't need anyone telling me I've been stupid ( I can figure that much out on my own).

So whilst I've been away pedalling on my exercise bike and watching prison break, I decided I needed something to while away the time my little one spent at her dads. Like I said before I'm quite a solitary person due to being hurt in the past so I don't have many real friends and the ones I do have are all coupled up and rarely want to do anything. So I signed myself up for an online course starting in October in forensic science. Just a little taster /intro course that hasn't cost me anything , but will while away a few hours a week where I can be focused on something else when the house is too quiet and I'm not working. I'm more worried about when my girl goes on holiday with her dad and I've ten whole days to get through and not gamble. I am so so determined I will do this for her and me, and having people like you who are able to help and advise has already made me more confident that a better life can and will be achieved by beating this. Thankyou so much xx

Hi Lulu-belle, welcome to recovery 🙂

If you have no-one @ home for support, you may be as well to set yourself up with a diary & I think getting those forms filled in are a must! Either that or speaking to GamCare about their services? I'm sorry to hear you have had bad times & not @ all surprised to hear that gambling dragged you down...It offers so much, delivers nothing & takes everything you have both financially & mentally!

We cannot win because we cannot stop! If you can break your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove 1 & you cannot gamble) triangle, this will help with urges.

The course sounds fab 🙂 & I love that you are fighting for you & your little girl, you do both deserve mummy to be happy & there is a better life. Time to go get it - ODAAT

Hi Lulu Belle.

It is symptomatic of deep depression and loneliness. You are not alone there because its the trigger for many gamblers.

In your moment of strength you must have that eureka moment and you must start blocking from everywhere. Take the fight to them and start defending yourself. You dont want them in your home on your gadgets.

Honesty and openness are your main assets. If you can you need to tell people close and get as much support as you can.

Ideally your gadgets should be monitored and you should be living on an allowance while you prove yourself again. It may well be that you have to hand over anything with internet access until you feel better with a healthy mind

You must close the door by having blocking software on your gadgets and self excluded from every site that you can think of.

As you really know its a losing game. I played for escape from depression and loneliness. I was a hopeless gambler and a compulsive gambler.

I ignored the odds and nothing significant came my way in 10 months after first winning. Focus on that! It never happens when you want it to, if at all.

Its a deadly addiction which ruins people so you need to treat it with the fear and respect it deserves. There is no room for thinking you can casually handle it with a bit of willpower

You will put this behind you with the right measures and support. I promise you that.

Being gamble free is a wonderful, serene feeling and I know you will join us

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hello odaat,thankyou for reading and commenting. I'm actually amazed at the support of all the lovely people on here. Just spent ages reading through some of the forums to get an idea of the support that is available and all of the people are fab! I feel better today just knowing that I am not alone in my journey and there is nobody here to judge, that was probably one of my worst fears about admitting I have a problem. I signed up straight away today so I could loiter, never in a million years did I think that within two hours I'd be feeling that a weight had been lifted just by taking that first step. I'm usually quite a private person and this has eaten away at me for a long time, I realise now that I used the gambling as a form of escape, I didn't have to talk to anyone and had convinced myself that I had it under control. I am actually looking forward to starting this road to recovery, even knowing I have a lot to contend with , the fact I am not alone in doing it is a huge boost for me.

Thankyou for your kind words x

Hi joydivider, and thankyou for what you said, it all does ring true. I think my moment of clarity is upon me, I literally lost my money today and signed straight up, I felt so bad. I watched my daughter in a school production today and felt so proud, she is such a confident and happy young lady, everything I used to be before this all kicked off. I realised I need to be back to the happy and bright mum she used to have, not the one she has right now. I WANT to get that back and not feel the stress and feelings of worthlessness this causes me. This is the first day of a new path for me and I'm ready to move forward with it. 🙂

Hey..your a mummy....toughest job in the world hun. ..
So you can beat this addiction. ..for you ...and your little one. ..
Your better than the addiction you have fallen prey to..
Take all the practical advice given on here and learn from it
Yes I'm lucky I've got my wonderfull family...but that's just part of my recovery. .
The main part was ME...wanting to do it...wanting recovery.
Wanting change
You CAN do this...I appreciate about the times alone...use the time constructively. ..deep clean home...de clutter...decorate. .
Read diarys on here...anything. ..not slots...they don't love you like your little one does !
..stay safe...stay here xx

Thanks loxxie really appreciation the words of everyone today. As much as I hate to admit I am quite a freaky one when it comes to clean and order (think of the film sleeping with the enemy style food cupboards and towel rails!) I do have a passion for decorating as well, just done the kitchen and living room myself, that helps pass the time a little. Tonight for me would have probably in all honestly been spent losing money on slots, but tonight I've been trawling the forums and reading up on everything. I even went for a walk to clear my head , and I don't do walks unless I'm going somewhere!! Whilst I'm admitting to addictions, might as well mention my new urge for a dose of prison break (phwoooar ) that I'm having to feed on a daily basis.

I know this is going to be hard and there might be times it will feel easier to give in, but like you say I'm taking heed of all the advice and I'm feeling or the first time, I can do this.

By the way, well done to you on your achievements xx

Lulu-belle wrote:

Hi, my name is Lou and this is my first post. I've had an issue with online slots on and off for a while now. This past couple of weeks I've felt the worst I've ever felt over it. A few years back I racked up a lot of debt on credit cards due to overspending and gambling online. I closed the accounts and got my credit cards sorted on a debt management plan. This past few months I've started joining up on new sites for the freebies. Three weeks ago I joined a new site and deposited a small amount and withdrew £400. Not a huge amount but as a single mum working part time that's about 3 weeks wages so I was on a major high. Unfortunately I slowly kept putting bit by bit in again until it was all gone and more. Absolutely disgusted with myself having to up my overdraft cos I'd spent everything.

I've done the same again today and planned on spending £10 and ended up putting all of the £70 I had in. I've never felt so low. I know I have to admit I have a problem. I am closing all my accounts and asking them to not let me on at all. I feel so awful thinking how much I could have done with that money and I look army child and am so ashamed of myself. I'm 34 and I think my depression and loneliness is what is feeding this habit I feel great when I win and I don't normally feel happy. I don't have many close friends and spent a lot of time when my child is at their fathers gambling, making me feel even more awful. I can't tell my parents, my mother is judgemental, my dad is not in good health. I don't have anyone to confide in or to help guide me to overcome this. This is my first step to admitting to myself I have issues, not just in the gambling, but in closing myself off from people for fear of getting hurt , which in turn leads to the lonliness and depression. I know I'm rambling now but thankyou if you have made it this far. Any advice and tips to help me on ym path would be welcome. Thanks

Hi Lou....

You sound so similar to me!

Im too a bit of a loner, not really through choice, its just i live in the middle of no where, and the mums at school have already got friendships with eachother, and to be honest their not my kind of people they are all to posh for me lol, i have a couple of friends, one from back at school, (im 32) and she lives too far away that we dont see eachother often but shes always a phone call away, and the other friend is always at work.. so i think thats what lead me to online slots the boredom of when my kids are at school and i also i think a bit of depression due to the fact im a carer for my youngest son due to his disability and also a carer to my partner.

But i cannot change my life and i wouldnt want to, to be honest as my family is my world.

So i can completely relate to your loneliness and boredom hun.

I have been stopped with the online slots for a long time now but i moved on to scratchcards which i only last bought yesterday!

Today is day 1 once again to the start of being gamble free!

The things i do to try and not let myself get bored are taking the dog out for walks, cleaning, decorating, shopping, reading, and watching series just like you lol.

So as you know your not in this alone, its a shame we couldnt meet in real life i reckon we would be great friends x