New beginnings - I hope!

Hi Takingthesteps

Good to meet you on the chat. I don't know if you or make or female and age group so I will have to talk in parts on both sides

Just from my own side, I gambled everyday for 44 years, I lied every day for 44 years, I overthought for 44 years and wasn't a good person. My addiction took away my morals, presence and every good part of me. I crossed several lines in my gambling career and decided many years ago where it would eventually end. 154 days ago I stopped. I now know that what you put into recovery you get back ten fold. I lost my job after 26 years of running a building a company so I've had a great deal of time to research and listen. Maybe, if I go through some of the things I've done then some of them might help. This is going to be long so I apologise but it's all hear

Ok, so you mention selfexcusion. You have put one year on self exclusion and not the maximum of 5 years. I put on five years, auto renewal and no contact to say it's run out. It's so important to get the foundations in place and create maximum friction between you and another bet. One bet would be too many and a thousand not enough. I also put in Moses and Sense, even though I stopped going to bookies and casinos years ago, just to be safe. I moved my banking to Monzo because they don't have branches and charge for cash withdrawals and deposits. I reduced my withdrawal limit to the minimum and blocked gambling transactions. I made sure I had accountability and having someone looking over my banking app whenever they asked. Gamban will block all gambling sites so I installed it on all devices. 

Next I worked on connection so I could come out of the isolation of addiction. Talking to people. Noticing nature and being able to breathe. 

I joined GA and started the 12 steps so each day I wake, pray, meditate and write ten things I am grateful for. At night I take a reflection on any bad characteristics that I need to work on so each day I am a tiny bit better person. 

In terms of the debt. You can talk to StepChange or ring the banks direct. Be honest and tell them you have a mental health illness as a compulsive gambler in recovery. They all have specialist departments and can agree an affordable payment plan and sometimes freeze the interest. Stops all the calls. You can't recover having extra stress

Depending how you are with them, meetings are great. Chatrooms on here, zoom meetings on gamblersinrecovery website. There is Gamfam who run zooms and others. If you are female there is the Broke Girls society who have zooms each day.

I'm on Evive app. If you want to join it's free and just search get Evive gambling recovery on your phone store. They have launched a new zoom tomorrow at 6pm so there will be Brits, Americans and Canadians on the zoom. You don't have to put your camera on for most zooms and usually just introduce yourself to show you aren't a bomber.

Get a support network in place of people you can talk to and things you can do when you are down or have an urge. Walking is really good, crosswords, exercise etc all give natural dopamine and retrain the brain away from gambling. The more you work on your mental and physical wellbeing the better 

One other thing that helps for me is recovery podcasts. Once I ran out of gambling ones on YouTube I started watching alcoholic and drug addict ones as addiction is addiction. 

Read topics on here and reply is good. Turning up each day on here and on Evive really helps me.

I've also written some topics on here which have film titles which might help to get you thinking about your recovery. 

Doing a daily diary is important on here 

Will leave it there for now 

Good morning, great to speak to you on the chat yesterday.  I think I saw in one of your earlier posts that you are the same age as me, also female, and I also used online slots, and also haven't told anyone! I resonate with all the feelings you have. 

I am on day 12 of stopping today. If you read my recovery diary 'my journey of hope' you will also see that I have relapsed several times since starting this journey, but as a wise member told me 'never give up giving up'. If I had given up the first or second time I relapsed, then I would not be on day 12 today. Everybodys journey is different but i will share some things i have learnt on my journey so far;

Engage with the community on here - i have been a bystander for so many years - coming on now and again but never posting anything, never engaging in the chats, just being a passer by. When i started posting in my recovery diary every day and engaging with the community, it really helped - it’s probably been the single thing that has helped me. 

I’ve so many thoughts to share of my own journey, and everyones is different but thought i would post some thoughts, sorry for the rambling VERY long message, thats how chaotic my brain is still!! 

Register with GAMSTOP. Gamstop is different to GAMBAN. GAMSTOP self excludes you from all casinos registered but unfortunately, many ‘offshore’ casinos opened up, so you will also need to register with GAMBAN, which blocks your device from accessing gambling websites, and you can email them if you find one not on their blocking list and they will get it blocked straight away. 

It was not enough to me to install gamban, because i have an iphone, there are challenges with it (if you know you know). However, they have a new version out, and if you email them and ask them for the new version for iphone they will send you instructions. It’s currently in the testing phase so not fully rolled out yet but i had no problem getting access when i emailed, they sent the details in less than 24 hours. This was great for me, as the iphone had always been my nemesis for gambling lol.

Then came my next problem that i had not planned for. Once GAMBAN was working for me, i found a load of old devices under my bed, old phones, laptops - that i did not have gamban on. So i relapsed several times as each time i would relapse, install GAMBAN, but know deep down there was another device under the bed i could gamble on. It was like i would convince myself i would stop, but low and behold i would relapse again. So i installed gamban on every device. I had a couple of devices that were so old you could not even install GAMBAN on, so i got rid of them, lobbed them to back of the loft. I think even throwing them to the back of the loft was probably me still holding on to gambling - i convinced myself it was because i had old photos on the devices etc and that i might want them one day so didn’t want to totally get rid of them, but i think the truth is i was not fully ready to part with gambling, and knowing they are at the back of the lost means that in theory i COULD one day access them - i hav no stairs to my loft, and i aint going up there with all the creepy crawleys, so its not going to happen but the point is, if i REALLY needed to, i could get someone to go up there. So i think that was probably me still struggling to fully separate from gambling. 

Someone said its like a breakup and it really really is. 

Anyway so once i had all devices gone, and gamban on the ones i had left, i relapsed again, went on the family device, something i swore to myself i would never do because of the potential of being caught and the shame that would come with it - could not put gamban on that because then everyone would know i had a problem - and nobody knows. So instead after i relapsed i told my partner i wanted to reduce my screen time and i had no self discipline so needed him to change the password on the family devices so i can’t access them. 

You can see through my short journey how many times i relapsed, but the quote ‘never give up giving up’ rings true - because i would not be where i am. Each relapse has taught me something, i would never have been able to predict that i would move to old devices under the bed etc. So maybe theres some tips you can take from that. 

Each time i decided to stop, each time i installed gamban, i felt this huge sense of relief and freedom, like the shackles had been released. Then i would relapse again. 

But here i am today 12 days in, the first 7 days were rough, but the single thing that has kept me on track is throwing myself into this forum and the chat, whether that be group chat or live chat with the staff on here. I used that chat about 3-4 times a day those first couple of days. 

Another thing i learnt - use the chat, the forum, every single day, even on the days you don’t think you need it. The first time i stopped i did that, but then i got confident and thought thats it i am cured i dont need to come on the forum today or engage in support as i feel strong tody - WRONG, relapsed again. So now i use this forum every day - prevention not cure. You’ll see i post in my recovery diary every single day. And for someone who has not told anyone, it helps so much being able to openly and honestly share how i feel, as i have no other place to do that. 

I use the forum every day now, even on days i feel strong. Today i feel strong, buti have still done my recovery diary, and i have still come to respond to your message because it helps keep me on track. 

Another thing thats interesting is i did not feel i had any triggers. I could not understand why i gambled, no significant trauma etc - but since i have stopped the fog is clearing and i am starting to understand myself more. I am starting to recognise patterns that i could not see when i was gambling. 

I can tell you that it is hard those first few days, but when you get on the other side, its like nothing else. I am still having urges, stil having thoughts. Convincing myself one day i can gamble safely again because i ENJOY it, but the staff on here told me thats your brain not fully ready to separate from the addiction - a bit like the break up analogy. Another great piece of advice was to not gamble just for today, not to focus on tomorrow or the weeks, months, years ahead, just for today! 

You can do this, we are all here to support you, it is a great community, you have made such a big step posting on the forum and joining the chat. 

This is what this community is all about. Working together through support to build a road to recovery. The roads aren't all the same. There is no end destination and but the roads run parallel and through support and connection between all of us, it drives each person forward to be a better person each day 

Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting here and any advice/support is much appreciated.

I’m male 34 years old, Wales

Ive had a gambling problem for at least 6 years.

ive always gambled on the football since I was probably about 21 but i never deemed it a problem as it was merely for a bit of fun at first never gambling more than I could lose.

The real problem came when I won big at a casino on the slots at around 28. I told my partner about the win and was ecstatic however I spent the coming months slowly chipping away and using the slots until I burned through all of it. I eventually came clean to my partner saying I have an issue and that I’d spent all my winnings. For a small period of time I stopped after I’d come clean but then a year or two after I started online gambling again.

Before moving into my first house I came clean once again but at that point I had stopped for around 6 months.

After moving into my first house and being gamble free for around 9 months I relapsed but this time everytime id lost my it all I was able to pull out more credit or loans until 1 year and half later I was in a hole of debt that I didn’t even imagine was possible. This time when telling my partner I’d prepared myself for the fact that I could lose everything, a loving girlfriend, my house and even some friends in the process.

After coming clean 3 weeks ago I have put myself on GameStop for the maximum time and opened up all my finances/bank accounts to my partner so she has complete access in order to try and beat this once and for all. 

I am now in the process of trying to regain the trust broken by all of the lies and tackle this addiction. And I know I need to reach out for support which is why I’m reaching out today.

I have seen that certain gambling charities have meetings you can attend however I’m not sure if that’s the first step I want to take. I would like to speak to somebody maybe in a one to one before attending these meetings or group zoom calls but not really sure where to look for one to one support.

As I said any support regarding any of this is much appreciated.

I would like to add that even though telling my partner and my parents was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, it finally brought me out of the darkness. The fear of them abandoning me and the shame of the of my actions were consuming me every day and although since telling her it’s been far from easy it is 100% better than the lies and the anxiety. The conversations won’t be easy but facing it will only help you in the long run and i wish I had done it a lot sooner. Happy to talk about my experience should it help anyone.

Hi James

Thank you for your open share. You can always start up your own diary on here which I would strongly suggest.

I gambled for 44 years so I'm glad you got off the elevator at floor 8 rather than the ground floor like me.

So, I've never relapsed so this is going to have to be advice rather than too much personal experience

Firstly I would get Gamban installed on all your devices and girlfriends. If she is happy, get her to do Gamstop as well. Register with Moses and sense just for safety and let your girlfriend know so she has piece of mind.

I think you need to work on changing your mindset and retraining your brain by the sounds of it. Also the fact that the relapse has caused huge debts means you crossed the line and simply can't place another bet. If you are able to accept that then it will be easier.

I would speak to the advisors on here and see if you can get 1 to 1 counselling.

In terms of zoom meetings you can register with Gamfam who run some excellent ones.

If you go on the phone store and type in get Evive gambling recovery. It's a free app and they have zooms especially Thursdays at 6pm UK time.

Come on the chatrooms on here. 8pm one is really good and it's text only

Zooms are also on gamblersinrecovery website and run 24/7

In terms of the debt, you need to get that agreed at manageable amounts. You can't move forward dragging that along with you. You can speak to Stepchange or ring them individually. I would urge you to be honest with them and tell them you are a compuslvie gambler in recovery and they will help. 

Plenty more I can talk to you about but if you start a diary and keep checking in on here everyday, reading and writing then we can talk more if you want to

Hi Stuart,

Sorry for the late reply, I work long days and mentally I have been so tired I just crashed out straight after work.

So I first put only a year on to give me a break (me being naive and thinking after a year I would manage it better, till not wanting to give it up completely!) A lot of money later and lots of debt I knew I had to self exclude for the maximum time so this is when I put it on for 5 years. Like a lot of people after this all I did was keep trying to find another way. That’s when I came across the competition sites.

With the debt, I am already in a debt management plan with stepchange so most of my debt is included in this but against my better judgement (and the rules of my terms with stepchange) I still managed to get another 2. I also owe both my parents. My problem is that I have an option to borrow from my next months wage and given I did this and borrowed the maximum allowed, every month I’m chasing myself by doing the same thing because I’m now always short. The panic sets in and I try to win some, you know how that goes.

I will definitely look into the GA 12 steps and also the Evive app, I have a couple of days next week off work so I’m going to try and focus on seeing what help is out there and signing up.

I don’t know if you saw my comments in the chat room the other night but reaching out for help with family and friends has so far been unhelpful. I spoke to both my parents (they are separated) and didn’t get much support from either of them. Unfortunately this isn’t something they understand or even seem willing to, they have however helped me a little with finances back in December but now I owe them already I don’t want to speak to them again knowing the response I will get I just don’t feel this is an option. I also told a close friend, they was more understanding at the time but since hasn’t really contacted me so again I just feel kind of a burden to people at the minute.

This community and reading posts have helped quite a lot so far, it’s nice to speak to people who do understand what I am going through.

Honestly well done to you, after so long I can only imagine how hard it has been for you but your positivity and support in this group from what I have read seems amazing. Im sorry you lost your job but I hope things are starting to look up for you also.

Thank you for your reply. By the way I’m female, 34 - still a bit scared to reveal too much info on myself incase anyone I know comes across this so just going to call myself H, pleased to meet you.

Hi hopeful Elsa,

Thank you for your reply, we sound very similar in a lot of ways!

Hope you’re still going strong, you’re so right. We should never give up giving up! Even though I have known for a long time I have a problem, the last few days of trying to get my head around making this decision to be serious about it has been hard, the financial side of things is the hardest, I know I don’t have enough money to cover for next month, with gambling there is always the possibility and hope of getting that win to see me through, taking away this is proving the hardest part for me because of my situation already. Although what’s different now is that my brain is telling me that if that win doesn’t come, I’m going to be in much more of a mess and therefore things will just get a lot worse. (If this makes sense)

Im also the same in the sense I don’t know why I started gambling, no family with this addiction, no traumas etc. I do believe I have some kind of mental health problems which could be a factor after reading articles online, I have OCD and probably ADHD. Never diagnosed but I have the signs. I hyperfixate on things, money mainly, constantly checking my bank, working out how much I have after bills, if in the past I have managed to save anything at all I think about it all the time which leads me to starting thinking of how I can increase the savings which then leads me back to gambling it and losing it. Then repeat every time. 
I’m going to give the helpline a call on Monday and see if there’s anything to help with this because this fixation is a lot of what causes me to gamble.

I will find your diary and have a read, I’d love to keep in touch and support each other, thank you

H x

Hi James,

I totally understand your struggles, I’m sure a lot of people in this community do. Well done on telling your family and putting the steps in place to avoid the constant cycle we are all in.

As Stuart said, Stepchange are fantastic, you could give them a call and explain your situation, they will guide you and offer advice on what help you could get. You wouldn’t need to make a decision on anything until you are happy. I have been with them for quite a while now and honestly it helps a lot.

Im very similar in the way I’m too nervous or scared for anything help face to face. I haven’t taken any steps in contacting GamCare advisors officially yet but I plan to on Monday (I am working all weekend). I have read quite a few posts on here and have seen a lot of responses saying how great they are. Maybe try that first, there’s also an option to chat online with an advisor or on WhatsApp.

I would love to keep in touch so we can help each other through this, I strongly feel this community will help me a lot personally because they understand what we are going through.

Take care - H

Hi Taking

Have you got Gamban in place as that should stop the competition sites and if it doesn't you can report them to Gamban and they will block them quickly.

Support is tough and I know from experience that you can't build a network and drag the people in you want. They have to be willing or it can have a negative effect. You don't need non addicts to offer advice it needs to be lived experience or people who will listen 

Sharing is a massive part of recovery. Coming on here and evive really works for me. Reading posts, resonating and it reminds me every time I post about my recovery, encore things that have perhaps slipped down and get new ideas and thought processes.

I think you are saying that the addiction will always be with you, I agree, and it's about keeping it at bay each day, just concentrating on each day.

There are some good zooms on Gamfam and evive that I go to and also gamblersinrecovery 

Hi Takingthesteps 

How are you getting on today ?.

Hi Stuart,

Was working till late last night I apologise for the late reply.

Im ok… my head has been pretty busy over the last few days, I’m sad to admit that I didn’t stop gambling. But tomorrow is a new day and it’s the day I’m taking the leap to get help. I’m calling the helpline in the morning, I have made a little bit of a plan myself going forward. I’m using my iPad to journal and make ‘positivity boards’ to remind myself why I want to stop and most importantly… why I need to. I’m going to focus on keeping busy, mainly on my days off as this is when I’m at my worst. Going to get back to the gym, get outside and explore, take each day as it comes.

How are you doing?

I'm really good and went to a powerful GA meeting this evening.

All that sounds like a great plan. Counselling really works if you can get referred. Walking the same especially if you can open your five senses to nature and the environment

Hey Stuart,

glad to hear things are still going well. I don’t think I’m brave enough to go to a meeting but I’ll definitely be trying to get on the chat rooms when I can.

Walking I’m hoping will be a big part of this for me too, although I have a very bad sense of direction and get scared of getting lost 😂 but I’m sure I’ll get more confident over time!