Last year my now wife cleared my debts from gambling and I tired to stay away but I relapsed thinking I could manage it...I could not and I am now £3k in debt.
I came clean to my wife 2 days ago after a hard talk and a following harder day being civil but forming some kind of money plan to pay debts owed. We both returned to work today and after coming home she is wanting to see a solicitor to protect herself should things get worse I fear I am not going to be able to make things better quick enough for her and I am scared this could be the beginning of the end, I am also scared this emotional state may cause another relapse.
Hello bruce00j,
Welcome to our GamCare Forum and thank you for sharing on here.
It sounds like you’ve been through a really hard time with gambling with having just experienced another relapse and are worried that with what’s happened after this that it may cause you to relapse again. It can be really stressful and exhausting being caught up in a vicious cycle like this. A lot of people will be able to relate that high emotions you’re feeling during times like this can be a trigger. Although it will be difficult, working on acceptance on how you can move forward from this can help here.
I can hear how much this is also impacting you emotionally and how upsetting this has been as it’s impacting your relationship with your wife too. You’re here and reaching out to support and this is a really positive step which you have taken. Â
It can feel isolating going through all this so it might be helpful to talk about this with someone close to you – a friend or a family member? If you would prefer then we also have support options here at GamCare that you can choose to access and speak to us about this.
You are not alone and there is good support available in helping you navigate through the emotions you are going through right now. We are here to support you and also provide a listening space to help you take action on how you can overcome this. We provide 1:1 support too which can be a valuable space for you to go through your triggers and work on understanding and breaking the gambling cycle/habit. Please do contact us through to our helpline to speak to one of our advisers for a debrief or if you want to access more of a 1 to 1 support through GamCare. Our helpline is open 24/7 and you can contact us via call on 0808 8020 133 or you can go through our website and chat to someone here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/
Best wishes,
Brielle
Forum Admin
The answer is in your original email, your wife has stood by you and supported you.  She has gone into work and been given advice by co-workers which has driven the solicitor questions, but note that she is doing this "in case things get worse"
The question you need to answer and the driver for exclusion is "what do you love more, the slot machines or your wife".  If the latter this should be the impetus you need to ensure that it does not get worse.
It's a very lonely life tucked up in bed at night with an FOBT - make sure you have all the controls in place (GAMBAN, MOSES etc) and show your wife you have implemented them. Rebuild the trust.
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