New to this but not to gambling.

Hi Redham,

Nice opening post. Welcome to the forum and more importantnly admitting the addiction and your need to start recovery.

What are you doing to stop? Do you have blockers in place, do you have anyone who can control your money? It's a hard slog my friend and to do it alone very difficult.

I sense hurt and determination from your opening post. I can relate to all you say. I think we'd have to live in a sound proof room with no electric or phone signal to get away completely from the temptations of gambling. Also that way when the urge comes you cannot give in to them. However we need to live in today's world, to do this be strong minded, like you said "I am standing up to it & won't be controlled any longer." Without gambling life is great, it still has its ups and downs but mix these with all the negatives that we know gambling brings then these downers suddenly become very dark times in our lives. A gambling addiction doesn't bring joy (short lived if any) even winning bets were just funds for our next wager.

So all the best this time around. Shep

Hi Shep, my first step has been to fully admit to my wife that I am an addict & need help. She has been really supportive & has agreed to have my wages paid in to her bank account & fully control my/our finances. I am currently on holiday but will install blockers on my return & will try to install on my phone if the wifi is strong enough here. I will self exclude any sites that I still have access to & I am going to look in to counselling & GA when I get home.

Thanks for your words of support. I don't won't anymore dark days in my life caused by gambling.

Excellent post Shep.

Redham, mate you are on the right path. We are all in the same boat. This addiction just gives us dark days. Any 'win' just messes up our mind to gamble and lose more. We are addicted compulsively to this as it gives us some relief or escape temporarily but the price we pay for it is humongous financially, emotionally, mentally and psychologically. We are better without it. All the best buddy.

Shep72 wrote:

Hi Redham,

Nice opening post. Welcome to the forum and more importantnly admitting the addiction and your need to start recovery.

What are you doing to stop? Do you have blockers in place, do you have anyone who can control your money? It's a hard slog my friend and to do it alone very difficult.

I sense hurt and determination from your opening post. I can relate to all you say. I think we'd have to live in a sound proof room with no electric or phone signal to get away completely from the temptations of gambling. Also that way when the urge comes you cannot give in to them. However we need to live in today's world, to do this be strong minded, like you said "I am standing up to it & won't be controlled any longer." Without gambling life is great, it still has its ups and downs but mix these with all the negatives that we know gambling brings then these downers suddenly become very dark times in our lives. A gambling addiction doesn't bring joy (short lived if any) even winning bets were just funds for our next wager.

So all the best this time around. Shep

Hi shattered79. You're 100% right the 'win' isn't real for us it just sets us off again. I am DONE paying a price for my weekness.

I am going to set a few more targets £2 coin in a jar for each of my 100 diary days & at the end the win will be to give it to my wife who deserves it & so much more.

After 7 days GF I will treat us, but not with money, perhaps a fancy dinner I will make. I need to appriciate how lucky I am to have such supportive wife.

Cheers

That is a great way to go mate. I too am so grateful to my wife for standing by me through this mess. Our wives deserve a better version of us. We will overcome this through patience, commitment, humility, determination, gratitude, understanding and forgiveness for ourselves. We are flawed but we also have the capability to emerge stronger and better through this.

Hi Shattered, great words thanks.

Patience is an interesting thing for me to think about. Compulsion, I think, is my biggest weakness & having patience isn't a strength of mine. Quick fixes always appeal to me. I am going to concentrate on relaxing & thinking decisions through carefully. This road to a GF life needs to be a permanent change & there is no quick fix. I will always have the addiction I need to learn to embrace a better life gf.

Cheers

Hi Redham,

Quick fixes appeal to all CG's, it's the way we think. Lose some money - try and win it back straight away. Need to pay for a holiday - easy, just win the money needed. Large debt through gambling - just go bankrupt and/or don't pay it back.

It's the same with recovery. You will often see a new member in the first few days 'wishing' they were on 100 days or 1 year gamble free like a fellow forum member. Most if not all would, given the chance, simply blink their eyes and a year or 5 will have passed and they are debt free. Quick fix without dealing with all the problems and obstacles along the way. The journey itself is more important as recovery is about so much more than just abstaining from gambling. It's a chance to re-evaluate our life and look at our defects of character. It helps us understand what's really important and that our loved ones just want us to be happy, they don't want the big house and fancy cars and holidays that we try to 'win' by gambling. It takes hard work, a lot of hard work. This helps us grow into better versions of ourselves as the struggle makes us stronger. Happiness is not about having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

In summary quick fixes don't work. Any happy and successful person would tell you that.

All the best

Hi guys,

"Happiness is not about having what you want, it's wanting what you have."..... Sam I am never gonna forget that.

I am in huge debt (again) through chasing losses and am now at the end of the road with gambling. I still have to come clean to my wife, can't believe how stupid I have been and am preparing myself for the long road ahead. If this is with the support of my wife is still to be seen. I have put the blocks in place and have absolutely no urge to gamble (at the moment). I know I have a problem and am ready to face up to it and show my wife with actions rather than words this time.

I want to pay every penny of my debt off which will take years, but at the end of it I am determined to be debt and gamble free. I will keep that quote with me though Sam.

Onwards and upwards, wish me luck.

Great post that Sam. Totally agree! Recovery isn't an easy ride. Everyone's path is different, although we are all hoping for the same outcome. We all must learn to enjoy the highs and deal with the lows.

Redham and Shattered, you know guys we are very lucky having supportive wifes. At the beginning of the year my walls were caving in around me, sooner or later I would of hurt the ones I love so much. I'm glad my wife was there for me too, supportive and caring, it was a very difficult time which I've promised to her will never happen again. We got married in 2001, "for better or worse", I've gone through the worst and now I'm putting things better.

Redham, enjoy the holiday. In recovery you should and can enjoy life. One day at a time.

All the best to you all.

That's exactly how I feel, my walls are caving in around me.

I am genuinely happy your wives are supporting you guys. I also promised it would never happen again, that was 4 years ago and here I am again. I never put the blocks in place and was basically bailed out. I now wish I hadn't been. Don't think she is going to be as supportive. But if she isn't I'm the only one to blame.

All the best guys.

Hi Iain,

Sorry to hear of your troubles. I'm lucky to have a supportive wife but I'm in the last chance saloon. If I did gamble again who knows where I would be. I wouldn't have one bet, I was terrible at chasing, that's where a lot of damage was done. So it would never be one bet.... Not good thinking about it. I hope your wife is supportive again. Bail outs aren't good for CGs I'm sorry to say. However if you went 4 years then credit to you, you must have done something right. When did the blockers stop, just recently? Do you know the trigger which caused the slip. If so I hope you can address it. Sit down with the wife ASAP don't let the head f**k you're going through continue. 4 years can start again from day one. All the best.

Ian 4 years was good stretch such a shame you slipped back but this can happen to any CG at any time if you don't always remember the damage gambling does. I've given my gambling a name now do I can recognise it when it starts to effect me.

I think if you can do 4 years you can overcome this permanently

Hey guys,

Sorry didn't mean I'd not gambled for 4 years. Meant it was 4 years since I was bailed out. I still had £10k credit card debt which I was paying off monthly but I fell behind what I was meant to be paying and reckoned I could get back on track by you know what!!

I'd asked my wife to look after my finances 4 years ago but she didn't want to get mixed up with mine. I now end up wishing she had and feel really bad as I feel in my own head like I'm blaming her partly as I seem to think I wouldn't be in this mess if she had, does that make sense?? I know it's all down to the choices I make though.

This time I'll need to set up a debt payment plan and will be paying it off for years, but I'd rather that than add onto the mortgage again and pretend nothing happened.

I think I didn't gamble for 8 months and remember placing that first bet so clearly. I felt disgusted, why couldn't I just have stopped then.