Once again I had relapsed hard and sick of myself.

You’re not alone here my friend. I relate to all of your comment. What’s worse is we put Gamstop in place to be sensible and to address our problem but when we hit a weak moment we find a way round it which I’m guessing is what has happened here. And these non regulated casinos can do what they want. They don’t allow your payout to sit there or give it the ability to be reversed back into your balance by accident. They know people with problematic gambling will be the ones playing on there sites in moments of weakness with every first step for any UK gambler serious about recovery being Gamstop so therefore excluding our selves from the regulated more reasonable (if you can call them that) casinos. Chin up though lad restart that GF clock and let’s move on from this. 

Your words hit hard with me too. When I first had a problem 9 years ago, with the same thing, the site would hold the money in a withdrawal section for about 3 days before they’d pay out. I used to do exactly the same, just spend it.

As Cal.J said, it’s intentional on the companies part and there’s a reason it’s hard to just withdraw the money.

at our weakest, the chances are that if we were able to withdraw it, we’d have deposited it again anyway. So the outcome would usually end up the same. I’ve often thought of myself as selfish too, but ultimately it’s done out of me wanting things. The debts we build lead us wanting to win more and more to get our way out of a mess. Then have other plans to do things for others, like you said, get something for your girlfriend. It’s almost like we have a need to feel validated and the people that we think of couldn’t care less what we have or give as gifts.

You should be breathing in this world and it will get better, but only if you stop now. There is no other way out other than stopping. The money is gone and the feelings of self hate and remorse will also eventually fade.

I was exactly where you are 8 years ago and then the last 2 years have been the happiest of my entire life. You do not know what the future holds and you definitely deserve one. It’s an addiction, which is an illness. That does not make you a bad person, it makes you someone who’s trying to overcome some underlying reason as to why you’ve done this.

I too have really messed up again this past 6 months and I’m having to get my head around this all over again. But I know there is hope, i know there is always time to start again and time to eventually forgive myself for what I’ve done.

The casinos are constantly trying to program you to gamble so that is one of the reasons we relapse. Try and put some real ad-blockers on to your internet ad do not watch gambling ads. We have no good defences for it except not looking at adverts at all. A good ad blocker will remove almost all types of gambling ads and it is fairly cheap to buy.

An alternative is to vpn surf so that the ad-sniffers can not track you. That means you will see less of those types of ads.

Casinos know that you will roll back your cash as they have that button in their platform. Nothing strange about it except our own inability to see it clearly.

I wish you well!

Best

C

You are sick like me, my friend.  It is an illness and the shame is on the gaming establishment.  Whoever takes home the money (they stole from you in my opinion) is the one who doesn’t deserve to be here. At least that’s how I see it.  You were taken advantage of…. If your partner knows about this and stands by your side….you’ve won more than you could ever possibly win by gambling.  An undiagnosed mental health condition was at the root of my problem.  You may want to look into that and/or at least some counseling.  It made all of the difference for me. 
As I shoved money into the machine I remember telling myself (to no avail), “You will have to sleep with this the rest of your life, Greg.”  We have all been where you are now.  To me, if there is such a thing, it is hell on Earth.  My ex wife never understood when I told her that I never wanted to do what I did.  A monster was in control.  Our brains are not firing correctly. The endorphins are being released unnaturally.  I know exactly how exhausting it is…. Remember your fatigue and anxiety don’t exactly put you in a position to feel better.  Get some rest.  Try to get those free and clean days under your belt.  We were all duped.  You know that…. It’s like someone threw you in a well.  It’s not your fault.  Though we have no choice but to accept responsibility.  If it wasn’t legalized I wouldn’t have gone into some back alley to find and do it illegally.

I try to remember there is a reason people call it a poor man’s tax.  It is designed to take advantage of human beings.  The governmental entities that promote this are the problem.  Keep your head up and NEVER STOP FIGHTING to get out of the well you have been thrown in.  I made poor choices, but I was taken advantage of…. I know better now.  It takes one second to spin the wheel.  Just think of every second you don’t gamble as a victory against them!  My gambling took vacations from my children…which is what hurts the most. It also cost me my wife, my home, my dog.  

Be strong!  We are all on your team!  Let’s do this together!

Greg

My opinion is that that international site is dishonest and cheated you. On the flip side of the coin, it is yourself that needs to change going forward. Get treatment, put blocks in place and don't put yourself in harm's way again. Best wishes.