ONWARDS AND UPWARDS

Dear Lisa,

first of all - well done for coming clean to your partner and to your sister. I appreciate at the moment things are up in the air with your partner, but perhaps there is a little door open some time in the future.

In any case you have the support of your sister and having someone by your side on this journey is invaluable.

I am concerned to read that you have not eaten in six days. It is crucial that you look after yourself and it is crucial that you try and be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes, we sometimes hurt people we love with our mistakes, but this is no reason to physically punish yourself.

If you haven't done so yet please call the Helpline or the Netline if you would like some one to one support.

Please keep posting and well done on being six weeks gamble free.

All the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thank you Eva, I managed to keep food down last night and this morning but still feel sick. I think the fact I let people down has really affected me. I love these people so much and when you are in that gambling bubble you don't realise how much it overpowers you. I wake up feeling really bad and try and put on a front but I just want to fix things badly. I blocked everything so I cannot access things and I have taken up my drawing again to take my mind off it. I just wish I didn't do it.

Hi Lisa, it sounds like you are making some positive steps by starting to take steps towards self-care, finding yourself engaging with things you enjoy such as drawing is positive coping strategy. You may also find it useful to call the helpline and speak with one of our advisors to have another outlet to talk and think about coping strategies to help you through the recovery process, and get further information on services available to access.

Freep phone: 0808 8020 123

Hi Lisa, I was where you are now just 7 months ago, I let people down but the gambling makes decent, good people do things that they would never normally do. I am now in a much better place. You have the support of your sister which is great as trying to beat this problem alone is so difficult, we all need help.

I understand how upset you are for letting people down, but you are taking positive steps to beat this addiction, and if you put the effort in then your family and loved ones will be proud of you. Doing nothing and carrying as you were is far worse. Read my first post or many others on here if it helps.

keep posting if you need help and advice.

I sat with my sister and she went over my finances. She is going to help me for a year to help me get back on my feet. I am so grateful but also so down with myself as I have a better paid job and now I have done this to my sister. She still doesn't hate me and am still wants to help. I will pay her back but it saddens me that I cannot treat the people I love. It all stemmed from when my friends had lots of free money and were buying lots of new things and I thought if I gambled I'd have money to treat people. The only person I treated was the gambling sites. I will fight this, but I need to realise I nearly lost everything for 1 hour of online slots. Its not worth it. I will show them I will be better off.

Hi Lonelyirl2016.

Dont be too hard on yourself that you have let others down as the addiction didnt care about your wellbeing or anybody else. I never set out to hurt others around me with an evil laugh. I was addicted and if anything it was a serious cry for help.It was destroying me and would naturally have taken my family on that ride. I have very few friends so my family get it full on

The best thing you can do is sit down with your sister at any opportunity and talk through how this addiction acts on people. You both need to be crystal clear that its a nasty addiction that can come out of the blue without the strongest of blocks. You also need to talk through comfort zones and any possibility that you could think someone else is paying the debts so its all ok to have a little flutter.

Lets just say that its a good idea if you sister sees the finances, has control and can monitor what you are doing. Its not about treating you like a baby. Its about having eyes wide open when facing a recovery from this addiction. The bottom line is that for your sister to help she will need enough control over the finances. If you are ready to stop you will feel a sense of relief as beyond a small allowance, money is no good for you until your mind heals.

I know that sounds strong but its a deadly addiction that works on the feeling of feeling slightly flush at any moment. You will need to get to the core of your feelings and how the addiction got in. Its very similar to a drug addiction in how it works on people. I had thoughts about getting money but became addicted to the feelings of playing..

Its difficult to describe because that trance was more like a drug induced stupor. You could say thats the same as any drug addict . It certainly wasnt as simple as being silly or greedy for money

To give you my example. I was empty inside like a zombie. I saw no future and considered I has already lost the love of my life. Gambling for me was actually pure escape mixed with self harm for not feeling worthy of anything. I couldnt get work but wasnt trying hard enough to apply myself. I saw a grim future of low paying work I hated and trying to raise a family late in life with someone I didnt really love...these are the core feelings that leave large holes in the soul for gambling to get in. I had a twisted view of life and the deep turth is that I didnt really want to work because I was a broken man and had bad work experiences in the past

This is the level you need to analyse things and talk it through. Thats all Im saying. Keep talking it through as you all begin to understand the power of the addiction and what we all faced.

You can make a gambling addiction history and fully recover. If this sounds harsh you will thank me as you recover and realise what you were dealing with

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you..well the past 2 days I have been at a festival and really enjoyed it as it took my mind of things and for once I was happy. I had not gambled and I didn't want too. I was more happier than I had ever been. Later on in the night We Went for a drink in a bar and my partner brought up the words gambled again. For one day I just wanted to forget it. I kept a brave face on and just ignore me it as I knew my partner is still hurting but I am trying and I cant do anything else to make things better. I wish I could turn back the clock but I can't and I need to realise that. On a plus note I have been gamble free 6 weeks and 2 days that 44 days. I can do this.

Joydivider wrote:

Hi Lonelyirl2016.

Dont be too hard on yourself that you have let others down as the addiction didnt care about your wellbeing or anybody else. I never set out to hurt others around me with an evil laugh. I was addicted and if anything it was a serious cry for help.It was destroying me and would naturally have taken my family on that ride. I have very few friends so my family get it full on

The best thing you can do is sit down with your sister at any opportunity and talk through how this addiction acts on people. You both need to be crystal clear that its a nasty addiction that can come out of the blue without the strongest of blocks. You also need to talk through comfort zones and any possibility that you could think someone else is paying the debts so its all ok to have a little flutter.

Lets just say that its a good idea if you sister sees the finances, has control and can monitor what you are doing. Its not about treating you like a baby. Its about having eyes wide open when facing a recovery from this addiction. The bottom line is that for your sister to help she will need enough control over the finances. If you are ready to stop you will feel a sense of relief as beyond a small allowance, money is no good for you until your mind heals.

I know that sounds strong but its a deadly addiction that works on the feeling of feeling slightly flush at any moment. You will need to get to the core of your feelings and how the addiction got in. Its very similar to a drug addiction in how it works on people. I had thoughts about getting money but became addicted to the feelings of playing..

Its difficult to describe because that trance was more like a drug induced stupor. You could say thats the same as any drug addict . It certainly wasnt as simple as being silly or greedy for money

To give you my example. I was empty inside like a zombie. I saw no future and considered I has already lost the love of my life. Gambling for me was actually pure escape mixed with self harm for not feeling worthy of anything. I couldnt get work but wasnt trying hard enough to apply myself. I saw a grim future of low paying work I hated and trying to raise a family late in life with someone I didnt really love...these are the core feelings that leave large holes in the soul for gambling to get in. I had a twisted view of life and the deep turth is that I didnt really want to work because I was a broken man and had bad work experiences in the past

This is the level you need to analyse things and talk it through. Thats all Im saying. Keep talking it through as you all begin to understand the power of the addiction and what we all faced.

You can make a gambling addiction history and fully recover. If this sounds harsh you will thank me as you recover and realise what you were dealing with

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Today was the first day I ate better but the realisation of how much I messed things us significant every time I smile. I dont deserve to smile. My partner is due to start studying this year and thought things would be fine financially. We have had to sell our house because of problems with neighbours and this has now had an effect on things. It's putting so much pressure on us and now I have let my partner down. We even booked a holiday beforehand and now my partner is panicing will we afford it. I have been tidying every day to get the house ready for selling but I am so down. I was happy for a while yesterday when I went to the festival as it took my mind off things but now I am sad again. I wish I could turn back the clock. It's hard every day.

Keep your head up. I just noticed your onwards and upwards statement. That's me and my partner moto to get through this. ONWARDS AND UPWARDS

Your last post is happening to me... Before I came clean my girlfriend and I booked a holiday for this September and I'm so afraid we can't afford it. Never ever say you don't deserve to smile. Keep staying strong and everything will come together in time.

Thank you Tommy. I wake up every day in tears and I feel a failure to everyone. My partner reminds me I've let my partner down and my family and it breaks my heart. I'm not nasty. I just made a mistake that I want to fix.

o*g this was me.... Until a month ago I was waking up every morning thinking I'm such a freak and failure but now I realise I had a addiction. You need people around who who can support you.

Gambling literally made me feel suicidal for a long time. Worthless and pathetic. It can drag you down, pull you into a separate world of self gratification and eventually destroy you. Recovery comes from within and really really wanting to stop. Every thought, every urge.. rise above it. Strength and true belief that you are better than this. Discovering that a thought or urge can’t hurt me. It doesn’t have to lead to action. This is what gets me by day in day out. Take care