ONWARDS AND UPWARDS

Very well said

Hi everyone, that's now 49 days. I had my sister up today and she kept me occupied by helping but my house to sell. I even learned how to put up roller blinds. I wish my partner could see how much I am trying. It breaks my heart every day. I want the clock to go back the way it was. I can only do what I can. I go to meetings, have no card, have spent the week decorating the house. What else can I do to show I am trying? Off to bed now anyhow x Hope everyone is doing well x

Walking and walking
Into a trance
My memories are distant
To save is a chance

Was once happy life was so good
But disappointment took over
I did everything I could

With that one button a risk I took
But with that one button
I was given that look

The look of disappointment in my partners eyes
The tears that feel the lows with the highs
The sadness I feel with everything I did
Sometimes I wish I just got rid

I'm holding onto to the fight I won't give in
This gambling no more it will be kept in the bin.

I spent another day tidying today thinking that when my partner was home my partner would be happy. I just feel no matter what I am doing atm it isn't good enough. I have worked for a whole week getting the house ready for selling and it's still not good enough. I have not gambled for 51 days and I was so happy with this but I can't be fully happy until my partner tells me everything is ok. Maybe one day...

I'm now 71 days but I should be happier. I'm not. I let someone I love down and I get panic attacks cause of it. I'm reminded of all the things I've done each day which makes it so hard to be happy. I wish I didn't do it. I'm trying so hard with everything. I wish I could go back and be happy again.