I have been gambling for just over three years. I started with online gambling and quickly got addicted to the slots. What got me hooked was that I had a big win and from that moment on I was hooked. I believed in my stupidity that I could make a profit out of gambling. I believed that if I approached the slots by banking when I won then I would beat the machines. How stupid was I. I realise now that the adrenaline rush of winning meant more to me than the money. There was nothing like it and it has consumed my every thought from the moment I woke until I went to sleep. I would wake up in the early hours and get up to gamble. I very quickly ran up credit cards and am into my overdraft. I am almost paralysed with fear when the post comes in case my bank calls the overdraft in as most of my spending will show payments to gambling websites. Even though I am paralysed with fear this has not stopped me and I have clutched on to wanting the adrenaline rush even though the fear comes with it. I spend all my day at work worrying and thinking about what I am losing and the debts I run up but then like a true addict I am back on the slots. It makes me feel like I have the biggest dirty secret in the world. I have neglected my family and have locked myself in my room sitting online gambling. Nothing mattered more to me when I was online and gambling away. The world outside could be ending but that would not matter as long as I could gamble. Anyhow I am on this site for the second time. I have reached my rock bottom today and felt like I have no purpose of this world if I can't quit. I had the bleakest moment of my life today and when I spent what I did not have. I am taking baby steps and have asked to self exclude from the casino I use. I have spoken with an advisor on here and I dont think he realised the effect of his words had on me- I think he actually got through to me . I will try my best to succeed at this.
Hi Deb66,
Well done for the steps you have taken towards your recovery.
It can be done, other people have done it, so can you with your determination. Taking it a day at a time, reading and posting on this forum, and opening your own recovery diary to post your daily step through recovery has been known to be helpful for most people.
It is good to hear that you found talking to an advisor helpful. Keep to what you discussed with the advisor, and come on the Netline or Helpline to talk whenever you want to talk.
Take Care
Regards
Florence
Iam into day 4ish, haven't had a bet but its been hard. Getting from day to day is easier to deal with than thinking weeks, months or even years. Stick with it.
Hi Deb, well done on taking steps to move forward and leave this appalling affliction behind....I have battled for years. I was 3 months gambling free and then had a slip in January after my relationship ended....I've always been an emotional gambler and it's almost destroyed me.
I can relate to thinking we can make a living from it as that was what I thought until I got hooked. The Euphoria of winning then kept bringing me back and the 'Numbing' out from my personal probs.
When I had the slip in Jan I won big...thousands! I thought I would treat it as a kind of going away present and that would be that. Nope, I went back and lost it all again...bit by horrible soul destroying bit.
It's given me a scare as it was a lot of money to lose and in such a short space of time and it's let me see just how much of a grip gambling has on me when I do it....
I have accepted that I can never ever gamble again...there is no 'Know when to roll and know when to fold' with this affliction for me. I can never gamble again end of!
I am struggling still with the fact that I lost all the thousands back, it was like I was on another level and feel so guilty when I think of what I could have done with that money....but I realise I have to let it go and move on.
I wish you the best of luck.....your bills will get paid and everything will get sorted, just take it one step at a time and negotiate with organisations if you have to. Gambling is a disease like any other.
Thank you Alannah for posting. What you have said about the big win is identical to what I had a few weeks ago. I too had the same experience and gambled it all away after winning in literally half an hour. I kept chasing it, maxed our my credit cards and then moved onto my bank account. I finally realised after losing a load of money that I couldn't keep going the way I was. You are right in what you say that you had to accept you can't gamble again as I have had to accept that- there is no in between just a total having to stop. Its been just a week but I feel better for having stopped- it feels like I am breathing clean air for the first time in ages. I gambled because I was bored and there is no other excuse but that quickly turned to chasing losses and more losses. thank you for your support and kind words they mean a lot
Hi Debb66 i joined here today and glad i did.i an in the same situation as u.put alot on cards and maxed my overdraft.I went from online to going into shops and found its all i wanted to do.i won nearly 900 pounds a couple of weeks ago on the high street and instead of using it wisely and helping my partner out with car repairs etc i would just keep it in a wallet and count it.weird as it sounds i would feel guilty using it for anything other than gambleing.i just couldnt get it into my head the games i play only have a 500 pound jackpot!so i was spending double that to win back 500 at the most.Good luck with getting it under control 🙂
Hi
I also know the feeling of winning money and not being able to spend it. I had a sock that I used to put money in that I won at the bingo/slots. I remember one of the last weeks before I stopped gambling I had about 1100 in this sock and I was telling my partner that we were too skint to do anything. Just because I needed to keep that money for gambling. I see now that there was no point in me winning money because it was only ever credits for more gambling and when that ran out I used my own money to chase it. Its so clear to me now that we cannot win no matter how many jackpots come up- so why bother putting ourselves through it!
Linda
Hi Deb66,
My gambling addiction sounds so much similar to yours.
If you read my thread you will see the destructive path that gambling leads to.
I am somebody with a responsible job/career, a lovely house, a loving husband and the best supportive family in the world, yet I was prepared to risk all of that with the vile greedy and sordid indulgence of gambling with both on-line and land based casino slots.
The amount of money I have lost is astronomical by todays standards and up to 5-6 years ago when I had a fantastically healthy bank balance with no debts, I spiralled out of control and landed myself in the most awful levels of debt to family, the bank and pay day loan companies and I like alot of other people on this site am on a debt management plan. However, after admitting that I have an illness as a compulsive gambler (which we all are on this site) I am now at the point where I realised and accepted the extent of my problem and sought professional help.
It is impossible to try and beat this addiction single handedly and you have to put so many things in place if you truly want to overcome and recover from this illness.
I have self excluded from all local and national casinos indefinately, (this makes it virtually impossible to rejoin) I have installed K9 on my pc, I have blocked all internet access on any other contraptions i.e. phones, Ipad, smart TV etc and I attend GA (which incidentally took alot of courage) and to which I am so grateful for the encouragement and support.
I am so much more in control of my gambling, I am still in early days of recovery however the motto from GA is to take one day at a time.
Life is so much easier and peaceful without gambling, and our finances are starting to look up. It has taken alot of time and hard work to pay off debts and try to earn the respect of family members who are aware of my problem.
Its early days for you but I wish you a smooth and hopefully uneventful road to recovery, just remember whats gone is gone and we will never recover our losses but we can regain our lives and our self respect again.
My best wishes.
Hope x
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