Hi everyone,
Reading a few posts has pushed me to say hello.
I'm a compulsive gambler. I started about 3 years ago after listening to a family member brag about winning thousands and thinking..wow i need to try this! I can always remember being so good with money so it came as a shock to my partner when i confessed i had been gambling our savings away. Online gambling sites have been my best friends, my shoulder to cry and basically every emotion I had, id cheer myself up or celebrate online with a quick spin.
Gambling has not only lost me my money but the respect trust and honesty I had with my partner. Every promise I make that it was the last time ive broken as the urge to play is much to strong. I've lied about money, opened a single bank account so he can't see the deposits on the statements, i 'lose' my bank cards so he cant check, i borrow money to cover my loss then blow that trying to win it all back. I pray on the fact he's a nice guy to avoid the consequences and admittedly manipulate him into feeling sorry for me to divert the attention away to our now empty bank account.
Im so tired and sick of this feeling. I have this feeling right now as I know that in the morning i have to explain where my wages I received only yesterday have gone. I wish i had never started this... I wish i had closed my ears and not listened to the bragging family member (who is also a CG and attending GA meetings now) ironic!
Here's to addressing the elephant in the room...
Thx. for Sharing your story Bella. You are amongst people who understand. Will you go to GA with your family member. I'll tell ya something. An old friend of mine convinced me to gamble. He urged me to go to a local casino many times over. I never knew the place existed. I just ignored it. Kind of the way I ignore bars because I don't drink. One day I succombed to his encouragement. Here I am 15 years later and I can not blame him for all this. Even though this old friend was my bf aat that time and he was an addict of another sort and also messed around all the time.. hense; I had lots of hurt , anger and confusion to bury and numb by zoning out. But, as I said, I still don't put the responsibility on him. It's all my own. And sometimes I still want to shift some of it over to him, to tell ya the truth. HOpe you find peace and serentiy soon. just start now and keep going odaat. tara
Hi Bella, sorry to hear you’re having a bad time. I was in a similar situation, hiding things from those close to me. I was also convinced I could win back the losses and everything would be fine. First thing I had to do was accept the money had gone, I wasn’t going to win it back, and if I had I’d probably have just gambled it away. If online sites are your downfall you must register with Gamstop. This denies access to all UK sites. It’s a scary thing to do, taking away access to the thing you’ve come to depend on over the years. It’ll be the best thing you ever do though. Good luck.
Vin
Hi Bella, I had a similar introduction to gambling, a friend of a friend mentioned she had won a small amount on online slots so I thought I would have a go. I wasn't even aware of these sites but quickly got sucked in and wasted 5/6 years of time and money. You are totally in the right place here and with time and understanding you will come out the other side, even if it doesn't feel like it. Take care S 🙂
Morning!
Thanks for the replies.
I am now registered with gamstop, i feel nervous the possibility of taking away my comforter but i cant carry on anymore doing this, I have a good job but i still have no money due to this addiction. I was once told I have an addictive personality so it's no wonder I have an addiction, im not sure if this is real but i often think...why can't I be addicted to something that doesn't hurt people, but i am what i am and i am owning it and trying to make it right. My next worry is; if that comment is right and i have an addictive personality built in..what will i replace gambling with? Am i alone in that thought or does anyone else have this worry?
Bella x
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