So, well firstly my name is mike. I started gambling (playing online slots) about a year ago and never thought within in a year it would of consumed my life, my finances, my business and very nearly my relationship. So here it is all out there... I started playing online slots about a year ago and won a little bit of money only playing 1 a spin.. so I mage the odd 100 every now and again... within about a month I was playing 3 / 4 a spin and to start with was over 10,000 up.. but then it started to go seriously wrong... so I opened up other accounts online thinking my proven formula for winning had been discovered by the particular site I had been playing (what a joke that is) so I carried on getting deeper and deeper into gambling, my close friend of 19 years passed away suddenly and I found myself gambling until the early hours (sometime o wouldn't go to bed until 4 or 5 in the morning, of course by this point I had lost my original winnings and was now upto 10-20 a spin. Slowly but surely I was loosing heavily, of course you would get the odd week where you would make back say 5 - 6k but I would start every session loosing about 3k and lucky if I could come out even, my partner found out I had been playing and begged me to stop, so of course I obliged for about 3 days before the urge to play kicked in once again.... This went on over the Autumn and eventually into the new year and spring. Things by this point were very bad... I had taken 0000s out of the business that I own and managed to rack up 45,000 in debt. Please bear in mind previous to this I had NO debt, my cards (if ever used were paid off each month) and my credit rating was excellent. So playing now was to obviously get just even.. or so I thought. It has all come to a head this week... Last week I managed to get around 12,000 back and as appose to stopping and clearing some debts I thought I was on a "winning streak" I reversed 5000 of the money left in my online account and surely lost that within 1/2 a day, so back out with the debit card 400 deposit 400 deposit etc etc We all know how it goes... Oh forgot to mention all through doing this I have been drinking heavily to avoid the realisation of what I have done... So my partner finds out that I have been playing online again for the 4th or 5th time I had promised to stop, only this time I have too. My days/ nights have been consumed with playing online I have lost including the money I have taken out of the business about 80/90,000 (not totally sure as its a very painful thing to look into at the moment)... but u have no where to go now, I cant play anymore I cant loose anymore even if I wanted too.... I have often thought do I have an addiction or am I just trying to get even, the fact even now I would play if I could proves the very point that I do have an issue. But I suppose its also saying goodbye to the money, knowing its gone and if I keep on going I will loose everything and gain nothing... The question is however how do you stop? how do you cope with the loss of that type of cash? don't get me wrong im good at the business im in and should be able to get back on track within 9/10 months but its going to be extremely tough and what if when I am back on track I think "couple of hundred will be alright to deposit"... my partner and I went and self excluded me from all the sites yesterday, but it seems like every evening you see a new site advertising etc. Perhaps sale up and move to an island in the sun?? Anyway, wanted to share this and oddly it feels better to of typed this off my chest. Hope I didn't bore you to tears and would welcome any advise. I know this is not a special story infact its probably one of 10000s on here but all advise welcome. Thanks Mike
Hi Mike - Well done on coming to the site and telling us about your situation. I don't mean this facetiously, but 'Welcome to the Club' because your story will be so familiar to so many of us.
To answer one of your questions: Yes, you do have an addiction. We delude ourselves into thinking that somehow we have cracked the formula for easy money. Even when it goes horribly wrong and we have lost so much we think that we can recoup it by continuing. It doesn't work. There is a saying on here "I cannot win because I cannot stop." Can you honestly say that if you were to win thousands tonight you would instantly stop, bank it all and forget all about online slots? I think not. We have all been there and have come to the painful truth that the only winners in this scenario are the casinos, bingo sites and bookies.
It's good that you have self-excluded, but as you say new sites crop up all the time, so the next thing you must do is to install a blocking program on your computer. K9 (a free one) is good, but there are others such as GamBlok, Betfilter and TXNoGam. With a block in place you really will find it difficult to access any more gambling sites and can then concentrate on rebuilding your finances, and your life.
Best wishes,
Joanna
P.S. Take a look at some of the stories on the 'Recovery Diaries' page - I think you will find them interesting and encouraging - people who have lost large amounts and have felt it was the end of everything but have carved out new lives for themselves.
Thanks Joanna appreciate the words of advise 🙂
I have read through allot of stories on here today and can say its been eye opening. Thinking you don't have a problem when clearly you do and reading mirror stories to your own situation. The only variable in all our stories seems to be at which point we say enough is enough, and I suppose that all depends on when the debt becomes a burden and for me it is at that point. I can resolve the debt over time, but at present the overwhelming feeling of it is very difficult to cope with especially when you have previously been great with money. Coming to terms with this yesterday and today has been hard, but my partner has been amazing, the support and understanding she has shown to me has been well above the "call of duty". I owe it to her and our little family to sort this out once and for all. I am coming to terms with the fact the money has gone (all be it slowly) but everytime at the moment I think about setting up a new account I think to myself how much are you really prepared to loose? at the moment this is enough of no no. Also the fact that I pushed my own personal and business finances to the brink. I really am at the point that if I lost another 3000 or so that would be it. I would loose a business that earns me a very good income, relationship, house, family etc etc.... So today has been the first day I haven't played an online slot during the day for... well I actually don't remember lol. So I suppose we have to accept what we have lost, be thankful for what we still have, and never forget what it feels like to loose?... I wonder what 100 years ago I would of been addicted too? cards? crocket? or perhaps painting? do we have an addictive personality? I surely think I do and looking back allways have done... the one who needs to earn the most, the one that needs to drink the most, the one... well you get the idea. Finally feels great to be able to vent. Anyway enough of the waffeling.
Thanks for your words of wisdom
Hi Mike - Hope you are still staying strong with your resolve to quit this stupid habit. With regard to the addictive personality aspect, sometimes it's a good idea to reflect on why we become addicted to one activity or another.
If we can understand ourselves better it can go a long way to avoiding patterns of behaviour which harm us. Could it be boredom, stress, or simply the mistaken thought that you could make a good income from gambling - that last one was certainly my main reason.
But the important thing is that you have now realised that your family could be at risk if you were to continue. That in itself is a great motivation to turn your life around, and you are very fortunate to have an understanding and supportive partner.
Cherish her!
Best wishes for your journey.
Joanna
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