Rock bottom?

It really can get better as time is a great healer

You have come to a good place here where you can search out much help and support

I am starting out again today from the same place as you find yourself and wish you all the best with it

Take it one day at a time and slowly and think about how to stay away from the demons

Weldy

Hi reesay,

Oh I can relate to that feeling of despair that you have right now. Just over a month ago I blew my entire wages including my rent money playing online slots. I have gambled hundreds of pounds every month for years, but have never gambled my rent money until last month, so I do know exactly how you feel. You've definitely done the right thing in coming onto the Gamcare forums because there are hundreds of people who have been through the same or similar, we are all rooting for each other and supporting each other.

I know it's going to be hard for you this month, but you will get through it. I think you already know that you have to tell your husband and the chances are that he will be angry but he loves you, and in time he will forgive you.

In terms of kick-starting your recovery, as well as self-excluding, you can download blocking software on to your computer. Could you also handover your finances to your husband so that you have little or no access to money? Others on here will give you much better advice coming from a more experienced stand point so I will sign off now wishing you the very best of luck and supporting you every step of the way.

Rachel x

Hi reesay,

We know where you are at and the associated feelings.

I'm on day 17 of not gambling. Others are streets ahead of me as well in the number of days free. IT CAN BE DONE.

It appears from the jam you are in that you need to confide in someone close to you.

Go to your mum 9or a friend) and tell her the exact situation. This seems the best option to me at present rather than emotional bust up with your husband. Tell her you have taken steps to quit gambling for good. You'll have to discuss the direct debit/money problem again.

Download K9 blocking software (free).

Ask mum to set the password on the K9 so can't get on to any gambling sites.

You can also contact gamcare immediately before you see mum or a friend for help online/phone.

Like Rachel I'm no expert and others will offer more experienced advice. Definitely get that blocking software ASAP though.

Others may offer advice on dealing with your husband. I cannot.

YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

Take care now.

Advice from the partner of a compulsive gambler is to confess. You arent as good at keep secrets as you think, you cannot be yourself with all this hanging over you, husbands and wives, people who love you can see somethings wrong and if you dont explain we think the worst. News of the last gambling relapse came as a relief to me as I was convinced he was having an affair, or at the very least he hated home life with me and the kids. The lies are so much more damaging than the money, be brave, you will feel better in the long run.

You can beat this

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Half life I did stop for a while and I felt good. I had money and no real debt, what changed well I convinced myself that as I was doing so well I could bet £30 without it being a problem! Well suffice to say you know what has happened and this weekend I spent approx £1700 on online slots. I can only take one day at a time. The blocking software is on, husband set the password but I started on my shiny new phone which I have realised will also have to go. I will get a basic one again. I am so ashamed of myself - these last few days being the worst. husband knows that I have gambled again and that I have run up more debt but not the extent. I said to him this morning something drastic needs to happen as I can't carry on like I am and he said what do you want, sell the house, move away, change jobs and I said no I just want to be able to be honest with you. He looked devasted. I cannot put him through anymore. I have been emailed about counselling in my area, I'm going to go and I'm also going to start slimming world this weekend, claim my body and mind back!

Well done, you've made some big steps today, now do something that makes you feel calm, something nice, bath, coffee in favourite mug, chocolate, cake or even better chocolate cake. ( giving up smoking and diets i think are too much to ask at times like this, one thing at a time). You've done well, allow yourself to feel some relief and build up your positivity and strength for the next step. You can do it.

Reesay i still get the feeling your not all in to the idea of not gambling and i say this through experience. If your going to tell your partner then tell him everything including the damage done so he knows the full extent and he knows exactly the costs. I say this as i was in the same position and still being devious thinking that if they dont know the exact amount then i could still work some gambling money somewhere down the line . i may be wrong but i know thats how my mind works/worked.

Wishing you strength.

Thank you for your comments. Pangolin - I am trying to focus my mind on something other than the loss of money. My car broke down tonight - had to be towed home and then had to tell hubby why I didn't have the £44 needed for the new part. To say I am ashamed and guilt ridden is an understatement. He is now asking his boss for his overtime to be paid early. The shame I am putting him through how can I have done it? He has gone out to clear his head I hope he comes back tonight. Dez - it's all out now - I have to give him control of all my money / cards/ Internet banking he has no idea what comes in and out each month as he has entrusted me for the last 12 years to manage it. He asked me today how long it's been really going on for, it was our 10yr anniversary in 2012 and I was online then gambling away so a good couple of yrs before that, 5 years of my life literally gone and we are in the worst financial Postion ever. the only good news it's now been 24hrs since I last placed a bet. Day 1 down.

Hi Reesay

So sorry to read, you have not been able to abstain from this horrible addiction,

I remember you from when I first came on here last April, We started our recovery at the same time.

It's a very hard thing to tell our OHs what we have done, but you have now, so that horrible hurdle is out the way.

My heart goes out to you because you are in this mess again,,but don't be too hard in yourself,

Get the triangle in place, time,money, location, take one away and it's impossible to play. Make sure you have no access to your laptop/comp/IPad/phone, to gamble with, by putting blocks on.

I hope you got through last night not feeling too wretched, and have woke up feeling stronger.

Please remember one day at a time with everything, (and that includes OH) he will be totally shocked and hurt, he will need time, you need to show him you really want to,stop now, and that you are going to be totally honest with him from now on. he will.be hurting terribly too, and he will be worrying about you.

Sending you positive and strong thoughts to be able to carry on with your recovery, and keep posting your thoughts it really does help.

Take care and stay safe,

Suzanne xx

Your story sounds so familiar. Especially the leading a double life where no one knows what I am really like. On Day 1 and feeling determined. You can do it too. In the same position too. Got no money left for direct debits etc. This month is going to be hard for both of us but we can get through it. 🙂

Thank you Suzanne how are you? I do feel better today. The initial panic is residing and now feel just empty and guilty. Hubby I think is giving me another chance, I cannot mess up again.

Thank you Suzanne how are you? I do feel better today. The initial panic is residing and now feel just empty and guilty. Hubby I think is giving me another chance, I cannot mess up again.

Hi Reesay,

Pleased to read you are feeling slightly better, and that your hubby is going to stand by you,

I am quite good thanks, was made redundant last October, not got another job yet, but by scrimping since last April, it's not such an ordeal now, am used to not much money lol.

Wasn't worried about a new job tll after Xmas, so I am now looking, but there is nothing about that I want to do.

It's been quite a rollercoaster ride since April, but have stayed gamble free I am now nearly 10 months free from it, and have managed to pay all my PD loans off bar one, long term gamb,ing debts I have had to renew my payment plan on, but they are manageable, and we do have more available money now, even though I am not working at present.

I cannot ever give in again to this addiction, it would be game over lol.

I really hope you have the strength this time to completely stop, otherwise you will just continue to give yourself and your family more misery, I know one more bet would lead to complete destruction, because I know I would not stop, I know that now, and that keeps me strong.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, this addiction is horrible, just put your recovery right at the front and take one dsy at a time again,

Take care

Suzanne xx

That is amazing well done !

Well still gamble free, no urges yet but having absolutely no money helps. I have contacted those I owe money too ( thankfully in my name not husband this time) although he does know about it. So far creditors have been very good and help me set up payment plans also getting hubby overtime money today so even though it's a week late he will pay the mortgage. I am walking on thin ice still but I feel more determined this time to beat this addiction. Weekends are the worst so I'm keeping myself busy all weekend with no phone laptop or money I have had the tools of my addiction removed it's the mental battle now