Safe place sounds nice

Hi and good morning
Just don't use names and you will be fine. Your story will most likely be similar to the almost 1 million compulsive gamblers in the UK. So picking you out or someone finding you is like a needle in a haystack. Welcome to the forum
And best wishes

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Everything you describe is common in a gambalers mind
And all your problems have one root cause "gambling"
You've shown that you can win dream amounts and still want more. That's because a dream amount is pure fantasy it's just something we convince ourselves that would be our walk away money. When in fact it would just be another load of stake money adding to our downfall. You've mentioned you feel in control when gambling.
But the truth is it's when you're most out of control. You can regain actual control by putting an end to your misery and getting some real help I would suggest some counselling because you already have your focal point
Your vulnerability and anxiety so perhaps speaking about that with a trained individual will give you the kick into abstinence you need
You have already made one step coming here so keep your feet moving forward. Have a read around the forums I'm sure you can relate to a lot of people if not all.

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Hi

You are right, gambling is not the root cause. It's a symptom of something else, a form of escapism from difficult thoughts, feelings and self-judgements.

Some of your anxiety based fears I share. I had become socially anxious. Most of my social life revolved around drinking as I needed it for confidence to 'be myself'. Then I needed to zone out completely through gambling. The more I zoned out, the more terrifying real life became.

Anxiety is a fear of fear. It leads to avoidance and the more we avoid, the more we fear what we avoid. Our world becomes smaller as we stop doing what's important to us.

What to do? Well, I'm not talking about abstaining here, which others do well. But what to do about anxiety? There are different methods. Talking about your feeling is good. Sharing your shame is good. Being vulnerable is very empowering.

I have been following a mindfulness based approach of accepting anxiety rather than struggling with it. It's been transformational for me - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

Best wishes

Louis

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How can you survive if you have lost 11K euros yesterday ? How can be your life until now?

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Could you please answer me?

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Hi allainepo, slow to welcome you...I was going to make up a pony excuse, force of habit, but that's not how I roll anymore so just an apology really.

Thank you for your shout out on Heartbreak's thread, I hope your wishes are fast becoming actions to a better future 🙂

Incredible share over there by the way & don't fear a diary. I was petrified of being recognised @ the start of my recovery journey, now, it's just part of it & although I'm not quite @ the stage of shouting it from the rooftops, it's part of me & I'm not afraid of it anymore.

I'm glad to see Louis has posted here, I was going to suggest you have a read of his diary because of the social comcerns you mention. Addiction thrives on anything you perceive to be a weakness, offers us false promises of strength & control but it's all a phony mask!

You've given some great advice @ the end of your share, take it & piece by piece, you can put your own heart back together - ODAAT

Welcome. Good to see you on the chat before. See you on there again tri

Hey allain

thanks for your post on another thread. Very relatable.

I wasn't so much about s*x, but relationships. Which was kind of worse as rather than a one nighter, I'd have a relationship for a year plus.

I went through a series of continouos relationships which were never really for the right reasons.

I needed that reassurance that I was ok. I couldn't be alone with my own inner world

It's nice to read someone finally talk about how social anxiety affects them. I'm pretty sure it's a massive factor for many, I get a lot of people saying they relate to what i say about it, but they don't talk about it themselves.

Yet the more you can talk about stuff like that the more you can externalise it and it doesn't have to hold you back.

It still affects me. I discovered a term for what I have, self-monitoring. Means in 'threatening situations' I'm constantly assessing how others judge me - read, interpret, reinterpret, a cycle which means I'm not present.

But...I've learnt to do what's important in spite of anxiety. To accept it's there but not let it control what I'm doing. And the more I do that, the more I accept it, the less of a factor it becomes. The reverse was certainly true - the more I pretended I had no anxiety, avoided situations, distracted through gambling etc, the worse it became

Louis