A little about myself, I'm male, in my late 20's & all i know is that I've been a gambler all my life really. Even as a kid I always loved the arcades but not for the games, the gambling.
i have a relatively good job, a girlfriend & a loving family. I rack my brains most nights asking myself WHY? WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? Unfortunately I haven't got an answer.
My pattern of life goes pretty much like this.. Get paid, try & be strong enough to resist the urges, then before I know it, I'm doing it. Normally I try & tell myself I'll only do £20 and walk away, knowing full well that's just my addiction talking to get me in the bookies. Before I know it my card is going over the counter doing £200-£300 a pop before long I've done my nut!
Normally waking away between £1,000-£2,000 down. Then the urges tend to go as I don't have the funds, for a couple of weeks then I start to train, go for runs etc & feel good about my life again. Thinking of all the ways I'm going to stop it the following pay check & how to enjoy the simple things in life.
Low & behold, after a long few weeks of living off peanuts I get paid, normally I can last up to 3-4 days maybe tops, then ground hog day. I DO THE LOT! As I'm sure many of you are aware, the mental strain this addiction has on you is beyond words! I've spent nights lying in bed thinking, stressing about money while my partner sleeps none the wiser.
I genuinely feel this problem is a curse, it's the only thing in my life that time & time again destroys me! I've done counselling, GA meetings, Gave my bank card to my girlfriend, transferred my wages into her account.. EVERYTHING! I don't see this addiction ever letting its grip on me loosen & fear my life is doomed. I know these are strong words but I mean them sincerely. I feel the only way I could stop is for someone to lock me up & throw the key away!
Hi Jay... its tough. I've done 16 days in my lasted stint and I feel more positive this time. I've got over an remaining urge that I had in my brain that I could gamble responsibly one day in the future... I now know that's not true after my last relapse. So I've given up gambling now and I'm just getting on with life. That is making a big difference for me this time round.
Ps if you've handed over your bank card and your Mrs gets all your wages then how can you gamble?
In the end I got the card back. Talked her & myself into it. I need a totally new fresh approach for next month & it NEEDS to work! For my own sanity I can't cope with this.
Hi mate. Welcome. You're in a good place here. Life feels pretty S***e when you're in the horrid cycle. You may be down, but remember your not out. You're young, many happy years in front of you.
Put blocks in place whilst you're feeling strong. Be honest with yourself and your loved ones. Self exclude from all the bookies in your town and surrounding towns. One 15 minute call can save your life. It did mine. 08002942060. Get blocking software for all your phone's, laptops etc. Or ask your broadband provider to block gambling sites.
Live off a lunch allowance for a month or two. Hand over all your cards.
Most importantly admit to yourself you cannot ever win. You are a compulsive gambler and we all bet until we run out of money.
Get yourself to a GA meeting asap. These are special rooms where everyone will understand your thoughts, lies and feelings.
Lift the weight from your shoulders. Put blocks in place and start loving life again with a clear mind.
I wish you well.
Thanks for the kind words & advice. It's really much appreciated. I've decided I'm going back to GA meetings next Tuesday, see how things go. Got nothing to lose! I'm starting to feel the fire inside me to stop this now! Just need the right support & attitude to defeat this AWFUL, AWFUL addiction!
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Wow, that post definitely had an impact. I want to speak to my girlfriend but it's So difficult.. I've hurt her & promised her I'd stop & ive genuinely wanted too but the addiction always seem to get me lying again! Im going to tell her I'm going to GA & that I need help. I don't know what else I can do.
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Thanks for the words of wisdom. I'm thinking more & more about speaking to her tonight, Is worrying about telling her I've run up debt again. Suppose what ever I tell her now may mean that it stops things getting worse & worse! Alcohol & drug addiction seems to so much more recognised where as gambling maybe isn't seen as so destructive.. It definitely is! I'm going to go home after work today & put some plans in place!
Hi J
This is the parent of a gambler speaking and my advice to you is give all control of your finances back of your partner or family asap. It sounds like they already know you have this problem so take a deep breath, find a calm moment and tell them you have relapsed. The secrecy and the false promises that you will not abuse the trust to have the cards back (that is what gambling does to you) is the worst thing and it will be so difficult for you to try to mend this on your own and your stress levels will reach sky high eventually. Easier said than done, I know but you need their support and let them know you have come on here. Let them monitor your finances and that will make it so much more difficult for you to gamble. Today should be your first day towards recovery and today is the day you need to put an action plan into place i.e. Talk to Gamcare counsellors by phone, if you feel up to it - they will advise you on serious self exclusion and finance and emotional support. Stay on here for quite a while talking to people and reading each section of posts, make a diary if you feel like it. There have been people your age posting on here in tears this week and it is heartbreaking that so many young bright people are having their lives ruined, not to mention their families and partners. You must thank your lucky stars you have a job and what sounds like a good partner and not everyone is so fortunate to have the possibility of a bright future so it is not too late to start that action plan. Everyone on here will be willing you on and hoping today is the day you seriously start to turn your life around.
I can see from your posts that you are making a good start and also trying to help other people on here - so be proud of yourself for that.
Good luck with all that you do in life.
Thank you Gamparentanon. To the drawing board tonight I'm thinking. Won't be easy but I'm going to make things more bullet proof tonight while seeking help to help myself also. I really do appreciate your words, means so much.
Hi Jay,
Telling the wife/girlfriend/partner isn't easy. This thing called "addiction" doesn't want you to do it, it's scared you will part company. As an addict we are all in denial, we are good liars, we aren't the people we really want to be.
Tell her everything and I mean everything. Hiding anything will only come back and bite you, or may even be a foundation for a future flutter. You will feel better for it (I did) but 2-3 days later the question and answer sessions will begin. At least at this point the $h!t has already hit the fan so you can be prepared.
You've got to want to stop. I read your opening post aboutyou "going for runs and training", you've got to be mentally focussed to do this, so take this strength and contribute it towards your recovery. If you get an urge to gamble, go take a run, clear the head, then tell this thing called "addiction" your the one making the decisions. I'm in my mid 40s so long walks in the country, even with a pad and paper help me sort my head out.
Wishing you all the best. Shep
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