The stakes were too high, I could have lost my family.

Hi everyone,

I'm new here. Yesterday was the day that I openly admitted and accepted that I have a gambling problem. I hit rock bottom big time, I gambled a significant amount in one night - a few minutes after it was paid in I had fired up the slots and the roulette and started with a wee £20 here a wee £50 there and before I knew it after a few hours I was down to my last £10 and thought well I've lost it all anyway. My family money, my rent money the lot all gone! I had to come clean and tell my partner everything and while I was there I was open about the secret credit card debts and store debts I'd wracked up in attempt to conceal my gambling problem. It was awful - I felt sick all day yesterday, felt low just the absolute bottom of the pit. I contacted gamblers anonymous Scotland and the lovely lady listened to me crying and addressing my problems and she's advised me to attend a meeting next week which I'm going to give a go because I'm all in now, I'm ready to get the help I obviously need. 

I've been open about the problem, the money issues and I'm going to see my Dr about the underlying problems the depression and everything I've been going through. I have contacted c.a.b for debt advise and made an appointment and also spoke to creditors today to explain about my gambling problem and that I'm seeking help for it. I feel so exposed and so ashamed when I'm openly saying I have a gambling problem it makes me so teary.

Im annoyed at the money I lost but it's pointless as it's gone it's done now, what I'm more annoyed at is the fact I could have lost my family over this. The stakes were far much higher than just loosing £1000 I could have lost my family and I'm lucky I didn't. I'm lucky that I have my partners support, yes he's angry he has every right to be - I have lied to him for years concealing this addiction and it's going to take the rest of my life to build up his trust again but I'm willing to put in the work with my recovery and show him I'm going to beat this and get myself out this hole. 

I've tackled a lot since yesterday, my head is pounding and it's still really raw the now but I just wanted to come on here and introduce myself and be part of this group. I won't have gambling as an 'outlet' now so I need to find something else to fill that gap so I'll probably be active on here and reading a lot of forums and support/chatrooms to help get me and other people through this.

Thanks for reading if you got this far and I'm always here for a chat if anyone's on the same boat.