Hi everyone,
I'm relatively calm writing this now, as I have waited most of the day to come on here.
Been in bits most of the day tbh, embarrassed, ashamed, worried as hell.
I have read many stories on here, and some are truly inspiring. I'm trying to take positives from everything I read.
Basically, my story. I was paid yesterday, I now have nothing left. Alot of bills were paid, pay day loan payments included, the rest GAMBLED... Gambled away in my hypnotic state online... Not thinking about that I actually need money to live!!!! Grrrrrr idiot!!!
Last couple of months have spiralled in a self destructive way. I have 4 pay days loans, a loan to my Dad I'm paying, 2 maxed small CC's. The payments are being made but now it will finally catch up with me.
Today at work, I wasn't there mentally, I was a mess. Everyone discussing weekend plans, beautiful weather... I just felt sick. I went to the loo and sat on the floor (I know) in tears. Frustration, punched the wall. How can I be so stupid? Why can't I stop?
I'm so scared about telling my gf, I have 3 beautiful children and I'm ashamed to be their father. They deserve more than this. I've changed in so many ways. I'm just a miserable horrid bloke now. I use to be fun, they enjoyed my company... Not anymore.
I actually think my Mrs will leave me. I'm just preparing myself mentally for it. I can't get a consolidation loan, which is actually good cos I will prob gamble it. I spoke with an advisor about an IVA... My debt is about 6k so I suppose it can be managed.
I'm just so annoyed at this addiction, it's ruining my life.
What really hit me today... I saw someone I used to look after by chance, he told me he had been released from prison recently and was seeing his children again... He said "your help was what kept me going, you're a good man mate, thank you"
But.... I'm not. I'm not a good man. I'm a piece of s**t. I hate myself and what I am. I'm sorry to go on...
You can stop but you need to want to.
Start with honesty with your partner and offering her full financial transparency and control. Commit to the mechanical blocks which take away your access to cash and gambling and investigate GA and counselling so you can identify and address whatever it is that's driving the compulsion.
Ok, so you have a problem. Every, I mean every single problem in the world have a solution! You gambled your salary online, you have made a mistake, it can be fixed.
Register to GAMSTOP, this will exclude you to almost every site online, next month you would not make the same mistake and please do it, because I can guarantee you the next month you will do the same.
Summer is coming, sunny holidays...you will want to spend time with your family on a sunny beaches rather then gambling sites!
Trust me for GAMSTOPS - even though I am atheist, I am convinced angels send them
Hi there, how's it going? You spoke to anyone yet? There is some great advice on here and, most importantly, the notion that you are not alone! Let us know how you’re getting on...
Your NOT a "peice of s**t" mate,, your just a man with a problem! You helped the bloke who's seeing his kids again,, i really hope someone comes along and helps you. Good luck buddy.
I have just sat down with my gf and told her everything. I admit, I cried.
I kept adding on what I owe until the weight was lifted and I was completely honest.
Her reaction, I just couldn't believe it. Pulled out a pen and paper and wrote down all my debt. Told me we can sort this, told me the gambling stops now.
I fully expected to lose her today.
I was petrified this morning, took me all day to pluck up the courage to come clean.
I have signed up to Gamstop and will speak to her later about giving her full control of my finances.
This feeling is the best I've felt in so long. I'm no longer carrying this lie, this awful weight forcing me down.
This is only the beginning, I think I now need the counselling to help me with this addiction asap. I will only get this chance and understanding once and I don't want to lose my family.
To anyone doubting being transparent and honest, don't be... Just do it. It's scary as hell and there will be tears and pain, but once it's out, it's out.
I saw a topic about feeling reborn and this is truly what it feels like. The anxiety pain in my chest is gone.
I will keep updating as this is only the start of a very long road.
4 days GF
Stay strong everyone.
Much love.
Dan
Congratulations Dan. Proud of ya pal.
Brilliant Dan (which is BY FAR a better name than the one you used to use!!).
I too am so chuffed for you mate, big shout out to your understanding Mrs too!
Congratulations on the start of your new beginning buddy.
Well done on telling your missus Dan. I wish you and your family all the best.
Thank you for the lovely comments people.
Keep updating your own stories.
We do this together x
Dan, I know well the feeling you speak of after coming clean. Kudos for you for being strong enough to do that.
Hopefully that move was the last gamble even taken in your life. Sounds like it paid off and you'll sign off from your gambling days a winner.
Life will get better if you work at this I promise you that. Hit this hard and you can turn your life around and be the man and father you want to be.
Best of luck to you.
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