This time is forever..

Hi!

Here to tell my story and hopefully help others in similar positions. The power of putting things into writing to be shared with those who have experienced the same problems cannot be underestimated.

I have been a compulsive gambler for over 12 years. It started when i was 18, a student, and used to place the odd bet here and there on sports, mostly televised stuff, to make the experience of watching that little bit more fun! Except, the fun became necessity rather quickly, and so did the debt i caused. My addiction has always been online sports betting, and with the revoloution in mobile phone tech, the ease of which hundreds of pounds worth of debt can become thousands in hours is unbelievable. I have not ever calculated my losses, but I am confident it is in the region of £20,000.. maybe more. The vast majorty of this has been caused in the past 5 years i suspect, as my problem became bigger and bigger. Always chasing the losses, never wanting to quit because i kept telling myself that one last bet wouldn't hurt, and then i could repay the loss and THEN i wouldn't ever gamble again. Except those times never really happened, until i had literally nothing left to gamble.

I had to come clean around 8 months ago to my parents, and at that time my soon-to-be wife. I had lost a large sum of money we had saved for our wedding and had no avenues to turn down. It made me ill, but my secret life came unravelled, and being fortunate enough to have parents that couldn't see me suffer and had the means to help, they bailed me out. My father gave me enough money in the form of a loan to cover the costs of pay-day loans and finance I had taken out to cover my debts - and i then also had enough for my wedding. On that day, I vowed to my now-wife, that I would never place another bet again. On that day, I had never been more confident that I would never go back to online betting.

That was enough to keep me off the betting for 6 months or so..

Fast forward to 2 months ago, a small bet placed on an insignificant sporting event caused me to have a huge relapse. I have lost another £4000 since then, and I have never hated what I do and where this life takes me to as much. I know it all has to stop. I can't bear to tell my wife what I have done... AGAIN.

I came to the realsiation that i am not somebody that can have a small bet on anything. Betting for me isn't about FUN, it is about a compulsion, that doesn't subside until every fund has been depleted. Even staring into all the empty bank accounts, and all the finance and credit cards, I somehow still thought that betting was my only option, and i could somehow rectify the situation.

Well, now i am taking control. I am ensuring that no more of my life is wasted on false hopes and expectation waiting for the next bet to win or lose. I have self-exluded from every online betting site I have ever created an account with. (There were 15..?!) I had previously tried to use an app on my phone to block gambling sites, but these are too easy to bypass...and using another device also allows access. I was kidding myself, pretending that i had it all under control.

Reading this forum has helped me a lot in the past, knowing there are others with the same addictions. I think i was lying to myself until around 2 days ago. Telling myself that im not an addict, that betting was just a 'hobby'. Money doesn't buy happiness, but spending every penny i ever made on betting, and then losing.. is one way that I knew I would lose everything that did cause happiness.

Now i know that i can do this, and this time it will be forever.