Time to reflect on addiction

In the whirlwind of 10 years of out of control gambling, I am on holiday and having some real time to reflect on how and why this happened to me. It’s only when you stop, that you realise the total financial devastation I have caused myself. 

I wish I knew why I allowed this to happen. 
I have always loved sport, especially football. My Dad would always bring me a football coupon to choose some results from as a kid (literally £1 a week) Then when I was old enough I would do the same literally £5 at a weekend as fun.  

Then during my mid 30’s at Christmas after getting a bonus, instead of £5 it was £20 and that is where it all started. I remember it like it was yesterday. By the end of the Christmas holiday I had placed £1000 on the 3 teams all to win (Man City, Derby and Coventry) it won and I won over xxx. Within 2 weeks of finishing for Christmas my life forever would be changed. Would I have carried on if I’d lost.? 

Fast forward 10 years and 200k losses, maxed out loan agreements, credit cards, remortgages and lost redundancy I have over 40k of debt. After many botched attempts at quitting over the years, it was only this year where I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t borrow anymore, my finances were devastating. I had finally reached the point of that constant money train of borrowing money that would reset my brain into thinking it’s ok I have control again, I will win next time, finally ended. I couldn’t afford to borrow any further. That was when I had reached the end, this cannot carry on. It’s either carry on until I lost everything or start to do something about it once and for all. It wasn’t just financial ruin that destroys you, it is the mental and physical torture it has on your body, sleepless nights, anxiety, hair loss. It steals your personality and destroys your soul. 

Today I am over 150 days gamble free and without the ongoing support from you guys making me feel I am not on my own makes me carry on. It is going to be a long road ahead, but it’s certainly better than the potential of being homeless because that easily could be the reality. 

Please please please, for anyone reading this that know they have a problem, please reach out for help and quit before you destroy yours and your families life’s. Please don’t give the devil  your soul.