Hi there my name is Iain and I live in a town called Kendal in England - Cumbria. I have been gambling as I guess a CG for over 12 years know. My son is 10 on 18th Feb 2015m - yes I was gambling before he arrived and unfortunately after.
I have just read some of my posts on here that I wrote over 5 years ago. I wish I had read them agin during the 5 years I have been away. Yes away from here but not away from Bookies of fixed odds betting terminals. So why am I back - weel on Thursday 29th Jan 2015 and then again on Friday 30th Jan 2015 - I blew my months salary in 2 local bookies. Came home o the Friday 31st Jan 2015 and told my wife what an idiot I have been. Whilst I can still get up and go to work unforunately my wife cant as I have destroyed her.
So what know - I do not know - I lost my mum to cancer last year and when I rang my dad to tell him that my wife could not go shopping on saturday becuiase I had blown all my oney. He shouted down the phone, told me he could not talk to me and stated that I helped kill my mam. Today working around I realised that as a husband, father, friend - I am a failure. Yes it is due to Gambling. But how do you stop. Yes it is good when we win. Yes we feel bad when we lose. But today - I want out from gambling. Hence this post
I am so sorry to hear your story. I am sure your father didn't mean what he said but it was in a moment of anger.
I did the same this month. Whole salary in 2 hours which I haven't done for a long time. I still feel sick and have a day to day battle this month to find money. My partner is also not ready to be supportive (again) she is understandably upset with me. For me the hardest advice to accept is giving up the finances. I have always made it my responsibility to be in control of rent bills etc. I have to hand this over (when I have found all the money to pay the rent etc for this month ) which will be hard for me but maybe a relief. Perhaps you need to do that too.
like you I have had times when I gave up and times when I didn't bet madly. But essentially I can't control it which I accept now. I really want to abstain now and am determined. Perhaps like you my real challenge will come when the pain of this loss disappears and my life gets better. That is when we have to keep checking in. I feel your pain at the moment but keep reading all the posts. It has helped me anyway. You can start again it is not too late. Slowly things will improve.
Stavs99 you have come back to the right place as you probably know!
Your Father may have been angry but that was a very cruel thing to say 🙁 I would hope that as gambling has controlled & manipulated you into becoming someone you would never have chosen for yourself so his grief has affected him? I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Cancer is not selective & whilst lifestyle choices can increase the chances, no one can cause it to another!
Look back @ how you got onto the recovery path last time & use what worked! Also how about you get some passport photos done to self exclude - I don't imagine you have bookies on every corner up there so this will assist breaking your Time-Money-Location triangle (removed 1 & you cannot gamble)!
Im pretty sure Gamcare offers support for partners & your wife sounds like she is in dire need of this @ the moment! You might not be doing too well @ the moment but until you lie down in a ditch & give up you are not a failure! Kids are very resilient & your time costs nothing!
Come on back & join us in recovery, we will be alongside you every step of the way - ODAAT
Hi Stavs 99,
It most seem like your whole world has caved in. There are people on here whom are more experienced with their posts in terms of experience and advice than me. I'll put in my two penneth.
All I know is at one point i thought that hell existed right here on earth with the mental torture I once endured due to the fall out from gambling.
People can be cruel with some of the things they say. Those closest to us have the ability to really mentally "wound" us badly. Your father will have been very upset because of what happened to your mum. My mum died of cancer and I know the mental pain that my father suffered. The memory of what your father said to you will greatly fade in the fullness of time.
In terms of how you feel. I would say no one whom as ever walked this earth has been 100% perfect. Many have committed greater sins than you or I. You'll feel better as the gambling free days mount up.
I hope the above does not sound too much like a sermon. It's not meant to be but rather to illustrate that you are not alone with this gambling devil.
You sound as though you are ready to give up gambling now. Take some action. You'll build some bridges to your family members again. Prove to them that you are equal to the challenge. Use this forum and the advice given to your best advantage.
Best Wishes.
Good luck one day at a time be good
Hi there - Iain back again. Thanks for the comments on my post guys. I guess ultimately it is good to share and try and support each other. One day at a time it is. Going to be very hard. But hey ho here we go. Access to cash is being denided and hopefully I can learn to accept this and in future be thankful that I have given over my bank card to my wife. Did not have any choice. Tomorrow I will have to ring Step Change charity and ask for their advice as the only way I can see at the momment is declaring myself bankcrupt. It was on a list of things to do - but I did not want the shame I guess for my parents. As my wife said i dont tink i can hurt my dad much more at the moment. So that is my next step. Everyone advice you look at line says keep busy, keep channels of converstaion open with loved ones, find a replacement. All very good - but I will stop because for me now enough is enough. One thing i did on Sunday that did feel quite was go into the 4 bookies in town to self exclude myself. One of these aws w**********l's as I have not been in there for over 3 years since I last self excluded myself. But then I was so angry this evening as I received an email from W Hiil stating that they had sent me a new account - this was a result of me putting on email address on my self exclusion form. They will be getting a reply.
MrStop wrote:
Hi Stavs 99,
It most seem like your whole world has caved in. There are people on here whom are more experienced with their posts in terms of experience and advice than me. I'll put in my two penneth.
All I know is at one point i thought that hell existed right here on earth with the mental torture I once endured due to the fall out from gambling.
People can be cruel with some of the things they say. Those closest to us have the ability to really mentally "wound" us badly. Your father will have been very upset because of what happened to your mum. My mum died of cancer and I know the mental pain that my father suffered. The memory of what your father said to you will greatly fade in the fullness of time.
In terms of how you feel. I would say no one whom as ever walked this earth has been 100% perfect. Many have committed greater sins than you or I. You'll feel better as the gambling free days mount up.
I hope the above does not sound too much like a sermon. It's not meant to be but rather to illustrate that you are not alone with this gambling devil.
You sound as though you are ready to give up gambling now. Take some action. You'll build some bridges to your family members again. Prove to them that you are equal to the challenge. Use this forum and the advice given to your best advantage.
Best Wishes.
I couldn't agree more MrStop! Good Post
Hi there, well today is Wednesday 4th Feb 2015. I guees it is going to be a long month. But as for me I am determined to try and just keep going by doing simple things and hopefully getting them right. Each I want to get up and go to work, whether tha is just an escape from my house. I do not know. However I like my work and I want to try and keep that doing that. Unfortunately the impact on my famil is bigger as my wife is struggling to even get out of the house and cannot face her going into her work. Because she though I was not gambling she had been telling people how well I had been doing. If only I had the courage and strength to have confided in her a few years ago then who knows. But that was then this now. Today I did not gamble - tomorrow I will not. Hopefully I would stil be saying this if I had some money.
Unfortunately I am Iain's wife and the long term damage is too much to repair. I am going to have divorce him. I think had he been honest I could cope, but he hasnt and the lies have just continued. I now will never ever trust anyone again, I dont want to a person who splits a family, but the consequence of his actions leave me no choice any more. We has his family have stuck by him. I have indulged him in a season ticket in the hope that it would be enough to keep him happy, but in this case appears not. Ironically the last payment for said season ticket has just been taken from bank today, leaving me the sum amount of £60 for the month. Yes you may all feel for the gambler, but actually you dont suffer, you enjoy what you do, you just dont like the results it produces. Me and my son have had to sacrifice lots, his dad has bailed him out numerous times, we are now both suffering with ill health due to this.
Sorry I had to say this, because I dont feel he understands what and where we are, and in fact there is no relationship anymore. It has been destroyed by lies.
I wont post again, it is completely pointless as it all seems to be about the irresponsible person not who is left holding the mess.
Well there it is in black and white. Hopefully I will remember this day and keep lookin at it as I do not want to gamble anymore. Maybe easy said at the moment. But when you look around and try and take a moment and think about the hurt you cause people that you love and who love you.
Hopefuuly someone in their fledging CG era will notice these posts nad if 1 person stops as well as myself then that is good. Me well - tpmppw is another day - today I did not gamble - tomorrow I will not gamble.
Well it's painful reading to see the above couple of posts.
I couldn't just read and run, but it's well beyond my capability to give you advice on your relationship as I have no experience of your situation.
Hopefully someone who can assist and advise will post or contact you via a private message.
I do feel for both of you.
Hi,
It is upsetting to read those posts.
I've been in really horrible situations as well.
As Stavs99 says if some of the things we post on here prevent other fledgling CG's from truly ruining their lives then something good will have emerged from our stories.
Take care.
Friday 13th - left work - went home - good week at work. Even though I have no access to money it was good to walk past bookies rather than going in. Today I did not gamble - hopefully tomorrow I will not gamble. Not just hoping but I will not.
debs3 wrote:
Unfortunately I am Iain's wife and the long term damage is too much to repair. I am going to have divorce him. I think had he been honest I could cope, but he hasnt and the lies have just continued. I now will never ever trust anyone again, I dont want to a person who splits a family, but the consequence of his actions leave me no choice any more. We has his family have stuck by him. I have indulged him in a season ticket in the hope that it would be enough to keep him happy, but in this case appears not. Ironically the last payment for said season ticket has just been taken from bank today, leaving me the sum amount of £60 for the month. Yes you may all feel for the gambler, but actually you dont suffer, you enjoy what you do, you just dont like the results it produces. Me and my son have had to sacrifice lots, his dad has bailed him out numerous times, we are now both suffering with ill health due to this.
Sorry I had to say this, because I dont feel he understands what and where we are, and in fact there is no relationship anymore. It has been destroyed by lies.
I wont post again, it is completely pointless as it all seems to be about the irresponsible person not who is left holding the mess.
Iain only you know how fair some of these comments are, but if you are struggling it might be time to get more help
If only stopping gambling was always as easy as just not gambling
If you want help you could get in touch with gamcare for starters. Perhaps get some counselling /more counselling?
No-one's mentioned GA yet? No-one wants to go to GA or get help but that may be an option
Cards in your corner what you going to do?
GA is a good option.....it worked to pull me from the edge.
That was almost a year ago so the programme does work.
Your wife could try a Gamanon meeting...they are a blessing for many too.
Take care and fingers crossed for you.
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