I've finally admitted to my self i have a gambling addiction. Sadly it comes with the blow that my other half and father of my children can no longer be with me. Who can blame him, I've run up debts on his cards and gone behind his back using money that he has earnt to fund my addiction.
I remember the first time I logged onto a gambling website. I was off sick that day and my little girl was 6 months old. I had read a magazine article that day about a lady who had won a large sum of money on a slot website. I liked the thought of that and soon registered myself depositing a small amount. By the end of the day I was £2000 up. From that day I deposited small amounts, not everyday but some days. I still continued with my daily duties and work and see it as a little fun where I could win some money. The amounts I deposited were in my budget - no harm done.
2 years later this addiction controls me. I play whenever I can. My other half banned bank cards and would take my laptop lead. But I found ways around all of this. I had no thoughts for my family, only that I could win big and treat them well. I could have done this putting the money away or just mot spending.
He has left me this evening. I feel like a failure. I thought I was stronger than this. But I'm not. I let a slot machine control me. I've let it ruin my world. I hope I can be strong and prove, to myself first, I won't gamble ever again.
Hi Louwho,
You've done done the right thing by seeking support now it's time to accept it. There are many different ways to help with the addiction and my suggestion would be to speak to an advisor on hear because they can help arrange things like counselling and because your dealt a double blow as you've lost your partner (hopefully only in the short term) speaking to someone to get things things off your chest can be a great weight lifted from shoulders. Other therapy's are out there such as GA, going cold turkey, hypnotism, books etc.
You gamble on-line so put a blocker such as bet filter on your computer, K9 is free but you need someone else to put the password in so you can't un-install it. If need be get rid of the computer and smart phones so you can't gamble.
Once you can accept help and actually sustain from gambling then i'm sure your partner will come back however at the moment there are 3 in the relationship and the slot machine shouldn't be there!
Speak to an advisor, block your computers and take it from there.
Good luck,
sound_advice
Hi Louwho, welcome to the Forum and well done for sharing such a sincere and brave post,
I gambled for twenty years before stopping around six years ago. In that time, I lost several homes and partners because of gambling.
You are quite correct when you say that prevention can only do so much my friend - gamblers will always find a way to gamble if they really want to.
What you have to tackle and analyze is the moment before you are about to start - this is the last point where you have an element of control, no matter how strong the urge. This is only a temporary situation - urges soon pass; if you can "ride the storm", then you will feel better for it and they will gradually lessen in time.
Ask yourself what drives you to this position - is it purely urges? Is it something else? Are you haunted by past losses? Do you crave the thrill of the chase or the money itself? If you can get to the bottom of how and why you feel the way you do at this point, then you have a much better chance of stopping before you start - once you do, it is almost impossible as you know.
Don't blame or pity yourself my friend - this isn't you - if they banned gambling, tomorrow, worldwide, would you be deceitful about other things? Would you borrow, beg, steal and lie in any other circumstances? The problem is that gambling makes you this way, and that is all people know and see after a while.
How can you get people to trust you again? You have to offer them total honesty, without exception - if you promised your husband that you will contact him every single time that you are even remotely tempted to gamble, then you not only get a dialogue going (which tackles the isolation aspect of gambling), it gives him much-needed peace of mind - i'm sure he would rather know the worst of how you are feeling than nothing at all my friend.
If you can't bring yourself to contact him, then you have to ask yourself why - is it pride? Is it shame? Surely the pain of spending money you don't have and taking it relentlessly is far, far, far worse than explaining how you feel, regardless of how upset you might be at the time?
Offer him a positive way forward. Explain that you have sought help on here, explain that you are willing to try GA and the GAMCARE helplines if necessary, tell him you will contact him each and every time as I said above, and then think about your future - he will need to see a positive way forward so make some plans for you and your family over the next five years - the places you want to go, the things you want to do; it doesn't matter if you don't follow through with everything but it will give you much-needed focus and direction when you are at your lowest.
My heart goes out to you my friend. You may well have a way back but you have a lot of ground to cover, and there is no excuse for not speaking to him first as I said - this has to be your number one priority. Try and work with him, not against him.
I wish you well my friend - keep posting and do whatever you need to do from now on. Be strong, be positive and draw a line under what has happened - you have no hand in your past, but you have a big hand in your future.
JamesP
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