Hello everyone
Well i never thought i would end up on a site like gamcare reading about other peoples gambling problems and relating them to myself, but unfortunatley here i am. I started gambling 7 years ago, i remember the night clearly, i had recently recieved my first debit card and as i was sifting through my emails i came across a one from a bingo site. It was all colourful and inviting and had bonus money to play with. I hadnt used my debit card online yet so thought what the hell, ill have a go. I won £90 and got really excited. Now, here i am 7 years later writing about my woes to fellow gamblers. I havent the best of health (broken vertebrae and 2 major failed ops, benign tumour in my head, pancreatitis, gall bladder out) and am currently not working and recieving sickness benefits, i have been off work for a year now. I live alone although i have a boyfriend, my kids have left home and both have great jobs, one just got married. Then theres me....sad old me who has never found any path in life, doing everything i shouldnt be doing, letting my parents down with various things, expelled from school at 15, pregnant in same year and a myriad of other things over the years. Well, ive let them down again, and my kids. I had a huge win on the slots about 3 weeks ago, £18000!! I was so excited i called my daughter and then my parents, life was gonna be great until i found that i could only withdraw £3000 per month from the site. I did this, but the itch was to much, i went back on and the money went down to £10,000, i carried on and it went up to £30,000 (i kid you not). Well weak willed lilly here has now only got £2000 left to withdraw, i only had to wait another couple of weeks to take another £3000 but i couldnt seem to help it. My family are expecting me to have all this money coming and think that i have the intelligence not to put it back on..yeah well they should realise that good old me who has never done the right thing for herself has let them down yet again. Im trying to think of all sorts of lies to say to cover myself and my problem but really i know what theyll think. Im useless, im a let down, im acting all coy and quiet, my boyfriend knows somethings wrong, Im determined that i will withdraw the last £2000, but then what? I said id pay allsorts back to various people, promised i would get my self sorted out. What kind of mug blows £30,000? What a freak i am and if i could physically kick my own head in i would put my self in hospital. Sorry this has turned into rambling novel, its whats in my head and i cant talk to anyone else. Thanks if you got this far....
Hi Janie00......it's not an unfamiliar story......it's why we are here........you can beat yourself up as much as you possibly can....but you signed up here now......you have signed up for a reason.....to get yourself back....keep writing...there's great support here......
Janie00, you have come here for a reason & unlike many, before every last penny is spent!
Can you give your computer to someone until you can withdraw what is left? I am shocked & disgusted that a site can operate in such a way & hope that you exclude yourself the second you withdraw the money! On a positive, if you had been able to withdraw when you had your 1st 'win', you may well have ended up drip feeding it all back in anyway whereas, this has shocked you into action & bought you here for help!
You are not the 1st to do something like this & sadly won't be the last but you must turn this into something positive now, speak to Gamcare, get some help & let this be the last time you lose to thieves!
Gambling is something that you can control your own luck with - To coin a phrase, 'everyday you don't gamble is a win'! Be strong like you have been to survive the traumas your life has already thrown @ you, let it go & move on, you can do this - ODAAT
Hi Janie,
Feel sorry for what happened to yourself. Suggest to take the money out, and maybe give it to someone that you can trust. Just think that 2000 will help you. I am new here as well, been read all sorts of stories, and I know that I have done wrong when chasing my losses made me believe I will get everything back and why not a bit more. I say that it's better with a penny into your bank/pocket than to give it away.
well said ODAAT : "Every day you don't gamble is a win" - for youself and for the ones that loves you
Hey guys
Thanks for replying. I so want to go on and try and turn the £2000 into more because it's been up and down that many times in a couple of weeks there is always the possibility of it happening again but I am telling myself that I can try and make the £2000 work for me if I withdraw it. I can pay my parents £100 per month as they said they wouldn't take all the money I owe them at once and still pay bills etc out of income. I'm lucky I haven't got massive debts and no gambling debts. I opened a new bank account in November and swore I wasn't gonna gamble out of it, fresh start and all that but temptation took over. Also if I hadn't told anyone about the winnings I wouldn't be quite as bothered, I've always kept it to myself and if I lost then no-one knew so it didn't matter. If the site would have let me withdraw it all at once out would mainly have gone on paying people back and doing my house up. I'm not the only one in the family, my son blew £8000 tour bonus/wages when he was back from Afghan. His fiancee found out but still married him in October, I think he's controlling himself but he lives abroad so I don't see him much. He's home for xmas and I so want to talk to him about it but I'm the parent and should be the strong stable one! My daughter's boyfriend is also bad for gambling but he bets big on racing and if he loses he takes it out on others whereas I retreat inwards. I think I might tell everyone that I'm not getting paid all the money because the site told me I won most of it off bonus funds and can't withdraw it. I know honesty is always best but I really want to soften the blow for myself, I'm such a coward... And I'm rambling again, lots on my mind sorry.
Make that £1000 left now...
not unusual at all janie
get out quick if you can
run don't walk
tri
Ok so it was nice to wake up and for that couple of seconds not remember anything, then reality hits you and brain goes into instant overdrive, deciding that I'm being punished for something but really I am my own worst enemy and I am punishing myself for reasons unknown to me or any universal law. I sat and thought about what I'm gonna do last night, and I think I'm gonna withdraw evrery bit of spare cash from my account every month and stash it away like a squirrel stashes nuts for the winter. I still don't know how to tell my family yet and trying to act like I'm getting a load of Money coming but I'm not spoiling Xmas so will have to wait a few more days. At least I bought loads of nice gifts for them with the first £3000....every cloud!
Thanks Janie,
You are so right, need to keep smiling and stay positive. This will be with us for life, there's no denying that, but with determination and management of this condition it can be beaten. The main thing is we have admitted the issue to ourselves and try to be as open and transparent with those around us. I'm seeing my parents today after effectively they took control on my finances. A 37 year old man having his parents in mid sixties doing that.....so pathetic.
I hope your health is on the mend, and I look forward to speaking with you through this process. Good luck, with everything and let's make 2015 a year to remember (for not gambling).
take care
Andy
Better life wrote:
Thanks Janie,
You are so right, need to keep smiling and stay positive. This will be with us for life, there's no denying that, but with determination and management of this condition it can be beaten. The main thing is we have admitted the issue to ourselves and try to be as open and transparent with those around us. I'm seeing my parents today after effectively they took control on my finances. A 37 year old man having his parents in mid sixties doing that.....so pathetic.
I hope your health is on the mend, and I look forward to speaking with you through this process. Good luck, with everything and let's make 2015 a year to remember (for not gambling).
take care
Andy
I tell you what would really be pathetic - having a problem and not doing anything about it. OK so it's not an ideal situation but at least you are confronting your issues and that is the best thing you can do.
Well I've just been for a meal with my kids and their partners , had a great night but the guilt kept washing over me when it popped in my head. I paid for meals off my card and they gave me cash back for theirs so now I only have £41 in my account I'm thinking I might as well put it on a site and try n win which is what I usually do. I get it in my head that £40 won't get me much and might be lucky, then when I'm not I think **** I could have bought food or paid a bill with it.
I'm tired, but if I go to bed I will just lie awake worrying about my woes and end up gambling at 1 or 2 in the morning, which funnily enough is when I win most. Here's hoping I get to sleep lol.
Hi janie your story is touching, if I had a win like that I'm pretty sure I would have done the same, I won £3500 on poker I told everone my partner etc, the site had me jumping through hoops for the money before I knew I was down to £700 so I can relate to this, I hate lying and deciept but I tolde partner they conned me through a bonus wish I could of been truthfull but sometimes you have do what you have to do, you feel bad enough as it is without the added pressure of what everone is thinking, I have only been gamble free for 2 days and an determined to beat this plz read some of the other guys story there a massive inspiration that you can beat this, you have already made a positive step by joining this site you are not alone janie
take care and don't beat your self about it that money is gone it's hard to let go I know but you will only make your self feel more terrible
That is exactly what I'm gonna do kirby, tell everyone I won most of it on bonus and I can only have £1800, if I can hold onto the £1000 I have left to withdraw. I have £800 in savings so I can blag it hopefully. Mum n dad will believe me but be disappointed that Im not going to be ok financially now and dad will want me to call allsorts of places to fight them....! The kids who are 25 and 28 May not be quite so gullible but I'm afraid this is all I have, a big fat lie to cover a big fat **** up. I hope to speak to you more and also hope you have a good Xmas. I'm just gonna keep my chin up until after the festivities and then start the web of horrible deceit 🙁
Take care
That is exactly what I'm gonna do kirby, tell everyone I won most of it on bonus and I can only have £1800, if I can hold onto the £1000 I have left to withdraw. I have £800 in savings so I can blag it hopefully. Mum n dad will believe me but be disappointed that Im not going to be ok financially now and dad will want me to call allsorts of places to fight them....! The kids who are 25 and 28 May not be quite so gullible but I'm afraid this is all I have, a big fat lie to cover a big fat **** up. I hope to speak to you more and also hope you have a good Xmas. I'm just gonna keep my chin up until after the festivities and then start the web of horrible deceit 🙁
Take care
That is exactly what I'm gonna do kirby, tell everyone I won most of it on bonus and I can only have £1800, if I can hold onto the £1000 I have left to withdraw. I have £800 in savings so I can blag it hopefully. Mum n dad will believe me but be disappointed that Im not going to be ok financially now and dad will want me to call allsorts of places to fight them....! The kids who are 25 and 28 May not be quite so gullible but I'm afraid this is all I have, a big fat lie to cover a big fat **** up. I hope to speak to you more and also hope you have a good Xmas. I'm just gonna keep my chin up until after the festivities and then start the web of horrible deceit 🙁
Take care
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