What have i done...?

Yes stay positive janie you can get through it I have been beating myself up for the past 2 days coz I feel like such a wally, but I have said to myself today that's it no more giving my self a hard time,what's done is done there no point making your self feel worse, I worked my nuts off over the last month to have a nice Xmas and blown well over a grand of it in them proxy roulette machines, I went to town the other day to take out of my savings to cover what I lost and ended up going next door to the bookies and walked out skint another 300 gone it's soul destroying and you know what when I was walking across the main rd back to my car I was thinking to my self I wish that car would just run me over and end this that's how low I felt and that scared the s***t out of me gambling can be a very powerful and emotional drug that's why I have joined this site I want a life a proper life that I have never lived sorry for rambling on that just felt like I needed to tell someone that, I am actually looking forward to beating another day tomorrow day 3 that will b longest I haven't gambled for years, you can get through this janey we all can with help and support from others that understand take care

kirbs

Rambling is a good thing kirby, you are getting it out of your head and out in the open. Ive often thought about leaving this life but would never do it, especially over money. When I hear of others who have I think to myself things can never be that bad and you can always get through the c**P that's thrown at you or that you bring on yourself. You sound like an intelligent together person who has had a weakness like the rest of us. Well done for going 3 days and before you know it, it can be 3 weeks and you will feel even stronger. Stay proud and strong 🙂

Morning

It took me ages to get to sleep last night and probably dropped off about 2.30, had to be up for 7 to go and pick daughter up and take her to work so I'm shattered. Being tired is making it worse. My son is sitting with me in living room and I so want to say to him there's no money coming and your mother is a r****d. I know he wouldn't hold anything against me but I feel so embarrassed ashamed and everything else that equals those feelings. It's the rest of them I'm worried about, I feel like they will hate me, deep down I know they won't but all the what ifs are going through my head. I feel like I know how I'm gonna handle it and then suddenly my heads in turmoil and I just want to disappear and never come back. I'm so pleased I have somewhere like this to get this off my chest even if no one is listening!!

I'm listening janie, all you can do is get through this terrible time and try and stay positive time is a great healer things will get easier that's for sure, I think once u can let it it go u will feel a sense of inner peace and try to remember the way u have felt every time u get an urge to gamble even if it's a small amount, and look on the plus side at least u have someone money left to put to good use enjoy it and enjoy Xmas

kirbs

I'm listening janie, all you can do is get through this terrible time and try and stay positive time is a great healer things will get easier that's for sure, I think once u can let it it go u will feel a sense of inner peace and try to remember the way u have felt every time u get an urge to gamble even if it's a small amount, and look on the plus side at least u have someone money left to put to good use enjoy it and enjoy Xmas

kirbs

I'm listening janie, all you can do is get through this terrible time and try and stay positive time is a great healer things will get easier that's for sure, I think once u can let it it go u will feel a sense of inner peace and try to remember the way u have felt every time u get an urge to gamble even if it's a small amount, and look on the plus side at least u have someone money left to put to good use enjoy it and enjoy Xmas

kirbs

I'm listening janie, all you can do is get through this terrible time and try and stay positive time is a great healer things will get easier that's for sure, I think once u can let it it go u will feel a sense of inner peace and try to remember the way u have felt every time u get an urge to gamble even if it's a small amount, and look on the plus side at least u have someone money left to put to good use enjoy it and enjoy Xmas

kirbs

I know, I'm lucky I'm in a better position than a lot of people on here and should be thankful for it. Onwards and upwards 🙂

Hey janie how's day 4 going? I'm on day 4 too feeling pretty good I haven't gambled todat

Hey well done for day 4!!

I need to know how to change my day counter if I can...I lost the rest of the money so have nothing left to withdraw now 🙁 it's like I want to lose it all. Bizarre behaviour, w*f gets in your head when doing it lol. Never mind, get Xmas over and tell family no moneys coming, get to new year and clean start, but I'm not planning on gambling before then. On the 2nd jan it's my birthday and hopefully another year wiser. I'm so pleased that you have reached day 4 and feel proud for you 🙂 I know you can keep it up kirbs, I just need the power to follow you now, I've lost tonight and Im withdrawing from the cash machine what I have spare in the bank so there's no temptation over the next few days. I like the post someone put on about these adverts on tv, and to think of them as you may as well let someone in your house to help themselves to your gear, so true. I hope you are well, Speak soon and take care 🙂

I've worked out how to change counter! I've also made my profile pic the screen shot of the £30,000 I won, makes me feel sick when I see it so might help deter me ha ha. What I could of had...

Hi Janie,

Just read your story from start to finish... Im sorry to hear whats happened. Thats all I can offer.

Ive never ever in 18 years of gambling 'won big' my biggest sum of money that I walked away with on a FOTB was at least 10 years ago and that was 800 profit. That was a Friday and my Sunday teatime it was all back where it came from. In the bookies pockets.

We are compulsive gamblers and we dont function like normal gamblers. We need to look after ourselfs more as the gambling industry loves the likes of me and you.

Online slots may not be my thing but Ive played them on FOBT's and its virtually impossible to walk away,especially when youre chasing losses. Please dont do that.

Why not start a diary in the recovery section of the site. You will get tons of support from a lot of lovely people.

Take care of yourself, I know this is a difficult time for you.

Mark x

Sorry to hear the rest of the money went bk janie but tbh I pretty sure I would of done the same the temptation must of been massive especially after losing so much, keep ya chin up and look for what the future holds, the best you could probably do is self exclude from every online slot u can think of

take care

kirbs

Happy Xmas eve guys x

I think you're right kirbs, how do I go about self excluding? Do I call them or email? I have to, I put another £100 on at 2 in the morning, I just couldn't sleep. It's like I have no respect for money until there's none left. I'm gonna have a look starting a diary like mark suggested.

How are you feeling today kirbs? I hope you are still feeling good and looking forward to a happy Xmas day tomorrow. I don't know about you but it don't feel like Xmas, Im putting it down to the weather.....!!

Take care

Hi Janie,the fact you're still posting tells me you havnt given up,it's common to suffer setbacks when giving up anything,so try not to be too hard on yourself,try and enjoy Christmas and aim for a gambling free 2015,all the best!