Where do i go from here?

Welcome Scott it's unfortunate we are meeting but we're all here for the same reason to kick this destructive habit. Unless your in the grip of it like us you'll never understand how it takes a hold of you and changes you. It makes you lie and cheat,become evasive changes your personality etc. I think you know what you have to do about this. You've already made a start by coming on here and admitting your problem but your going to have to tell your family etc I know first hand how scary this can be and how much the thought of doing it terrifies you but believe me it's better to unburden yourself. They'll be angry disappointed at first but that'll pass. To show your serious about things then it may be an idea to surrender your finances to someone. I'd also suggest phoning gamcare to speak to someone and maybe arrange to go to counselling or meetings. This may not be for everyone but it can be a fantastic tool in your battle against addiction. And lastly put the blocks and barriers in place to prevent any slip ups or opportunities such as self excluding,downloading blocking software etc some of these steps me seem extreme but let's be honest if it was as simple as will power then we wouldn't have came here in the first place. I wish you well in your recovery. You can do this! One day at a time 🙂

Shep (sorry duplicate post)....

Wish someone could fix this!

Hi Scott,

Welcome to the forum and for the honest opening post. Great words of advice there from New Beginning, please take them on-board.

All I'd like to add is in the next few days you'll have an urge to gamble again. The addiction will want you to give it one more go. If you are really at rock bottom you'll be able to fight the urge. At this point you need to be able to speak with a loved one close-by. I only told my wife, yes she was angry at first but she's a rock now in my recovery. I could have told my mother, who most probably would have been more sympathetic on her 40 odd son! But with her heart condition and how she worrys about the most stupidest of things I chose not too.

Putting the loses behind you and not having a thought at all to win them back is another must. Arrange a repayment plan that you are comfortable with, again involve a loved one and plan for the future. One-day-at-a-time, everyday you don't gamble you've done well, saving yourself money amongst the way.

Give a GA meeting a go. Try it before you say it's not for you. Every member in that room a "rocks" to me, I know if I slip ice not only let myself down and my family but all my GA friends who are all in this with me.

Wishing you all the best. Keep posting especially in your early days, there's always great support on here.

Shep.

Hi guys... i appreciate your words... i wish they offered more than momental solace!

The cat is out of the bag... i told my girlfreind last night and let me tell you, it doesnt feel like a weight has been lifted, it doesnt feel like a problem shared is a problem halved and it doesnt any better at all...if anything it feels worse. She knows of my betrayal and deceit... and its destroying her. How do we get through this when i have no idea what to even say to her...i have no words to offer. this is way harder than i first expected.

Hang in there Scott. It's the shock of things but it WILL get better. Just give her time. She needs to get her head around this,and given time she will. When she does its important that you remain honest and you make every effort to show that this was a blip,a bump in the road,an act of stupidity! Call it what you want but right now she is hurting and will take some time but if she truly loves you then she'll come back to you. The fact is trust takes ages to build up but seconds to blow so you have to prove to her you want to sort this. Whether that's from attending GA meetings speaking to counsellors or giving control of your finances over to her. On the plus side your secret is out and there's no more hiding,lying etc Right now your at the bottom so the only way is up. Keep posting in here as it'll help in these early stages. Sadly rebuilding and kicking this takes far longer than it did to get in this mess but you seem like a decent guy who like so many of us just made an a#%e of it. Follow through with self exclusions,blocking software, phoning GA etc and just give your missus time to process things. You'll get there mate,one day at a time! I wish you well in the battle ahead 🙂

Thanks mate appreciate that... i had to reset my 'day one' to today because before i told her yesterday we went out with the kids and ended up in the arcades so the kidds could do the 2p slots etc... i didnt think much of it at first because i was in 'happy face' mode....but i came to earth with a bump when i was putting my 5th pound into a party time game... so disappointed with myself that i couldnt even last 2 days!! But now there is now happy face mode, just recovery mode and im confident ill stay there whether she decides to stay or not... i need to do this for myself as well as the poeple around me. Gamcare have referred me to a local councellor so i think a chat with him will be good... im not ruling out GA meets at all but id rather explore other methods first.... different things work for different people.

I'm happy to have found this place, and you guys....you seem like a good bunch so thank you!

How are you doing in your own journey?

My journey is still in its infancy 22days but I can already see changes. Unfortunately these are not in my finances but I have accepted the money is gone and I am where I am. No gambling will get me out of this mess it'll only come from hard work and dedication and for once I'm ok with that. I've noticed a change in my myself now the gambling haze has slowly cleared I'm more attentive and actually beginning to take an interest in my friends and family around me. The thing with gambling is it takes no time at all to rack up debt,erode trust,destroy relationships etc but it takes time and patience to build it back up. I'm feeling a bit anxious today as tomorrow is pay day but I've got my blocks in place and have came so far in such a small timeframe to throw it away. I can't and won't go back to the lies and deceit and the sheer mental anguish of trying to cover up debt etc it's mentally draining and just downright horrible! Let's just say I'm cautiously optimistic 🙂 one day at a time Scott,one day at a time. P.s. If I was a betting man I'd say she'll stand by you 🙂 sorry for the joke just trying a bit of gallows humour lol

Don't just look for the easy answers Scott. I get the feeling thats what your hoping for. Commit to the counselling and look for long term answers. My family wanted the hope that I was going to get better and while I was messing around with stopping that didn't give them much confidence. Best to you and keep posting with those updates. tri

Scott,

Well done for telling the partner. Massive step even if it didn't have the outcome you thought it would have. It's like a weight off your shoulders that you've passed onto to a loved one. Now, how you make them feel better is being completely 100% honest. I had over a week of tears and Q&A sessions with my wife. Sitting down going through the debt on secret cards, money is withdrawn from my ISA. All awful for both of us, more for the wife I'd say, as she had found out about a different part of me she didn't really know existed. I promised her GA meetings (best decision EVER) this really helps me and also reassures the wife that I am trying hard to keep on the straight and narrow. I suppose my attending these meetings stops the Q&A sessions from the wife, as her mind and mine don't relate when it comes to how/why we gambled. She knows at GA I'm in a room of people all suffering/recovering from this terrible addiction, people who I can relate with so much.

So in conclusion what I'm trying to say is without external help I believe you'll really struggle. I hope the councilling works and you get a councillor who is an ex-gambling addict which will help more. I didn't do councilling as I thought I'd find it difficult to open up to a stranger. Same applied to my first 2-3 GA meetings, then you hear people telling their stories and it may as well have been YOU they were talking about.

All the best.

You are doing great Baby. I love you so much! Been a tough few weeks but I've stopped crying now! Yay! This whole thing doesn't reflect what an amazing and awesome person you are! And how you have delt with it all just makes me proud of you! Keep going because this ain't ever happening again! But I know you can do it! You work so hard for your money and you work so hard to keep me happy. So, let's sit tight until pay day and we can start moving forward and plan a happy future together! You gotta save for a ring now! Hehe! Or maybe that car... Mwah! Xxxxx

What a lovely post 🙂

Sounds like Congratulatuons may be in order?

Recovery is possible guys...Working together makes the journey real.

Keep fighting - ODAAT

Great post! Scott take a minute to read it. Like ODAAT says sounds like congrats is in order! Together you can achieve anything. Good luck and hope to read some diary entries soon Scott

Well, i hadn't updated anything on here for a while because ive been so busy....and in all honesty hadnt really thought about it...gambling hasnt realy been at the forefront of my mind like it usually is, maybe thats because ive had no money whatsoever! Payday is in the next few days so theres a test coming i feel! i feel in a much beter position than i have when ive previously tried to kick the habit, perhaps thats because this time ive been 100% honest with the lady closest to me...who i have to say, is pretty incredible!! no ring as of yet... dont push your luck baby!! :')

you could say ive been finding this pretty easy to deal with but im perfectly aware that its very early days and that it will get harder. im in a position now that im earning more money than i ever have because of a recent promotion at work, so now is time to strat laying some real foundations to a proper stable financial future....maybe i can actually have some nice things!

The fufure is bright guys...never give up!! x

In response to shep... i havent had any outside help as of yet, and i havent felt the need to, but i promise you that im keeping the idea very close to my heart and am completely prepeared to take that step should my girlfreind or i think it necessary. different methods work for different people, but it sounds like its perfect for you and your other half.... keep that up my freind....good times ahead!