Where do i go from here?

Outside help is necessary.

CW

I'm on day 104, with no outside help, therefore I can't agree that its necessary. Clearly you have the support of your partner and that may be enough, it was for me but certainly wouldn't put anyone off seeking the help that does it for them. Could it be that some of the partners of a CG are more in need of outside help in order to gain some semblance of understanding why we do what we do?

It could be that partners/parents of some CGs have been at the 104 day mark many times while supporting their loved ones and that love is not enough.

It's a journey not a destination. You're one bet away from disaster whether after 104 days or 1,004 days or even 10,004 days. The addiction doesn't go away and to be gamble free indefinitely and also to change the addict thinking so as to be gf indefinitely, needs outside help. Saying that you didn't need help for (the first? another?) three months is totally meaningless, especially if your pattern is to binge gamble. Nothing has changed other than superficially, no deeps have been stirred, the same old will continue until you make the real changes to the addict thinking. Which takes outside help.

It's absolutely not the OH's job to understand why the gambler gambles. The understanding of the addiction comes from fellow addicts at a meeting, not the non-gamblers. The gambling itself is anti social and dangerous and lays waste to lives, relationships and finances. If your OH is duly sympathetic, deeply understanding, bases their expectations of you on that understanding and sympathy, has even been persuaded that your gambling is their fault and they need to deal with the consequences for you, then all that allows your gambling to continue. Change only follows serious discomfort.

CW

At which point in the journey can i then consider that outside help is/was not deemed necessary? another 3 months? 3 Years? Deathbed? My point being that we are ALL just 1 bet away from disaster whichever way we are dealing with things.

If i can give you an example and a reason for my choices:

Say for instance i am an online gambler in a remote part of the country with no access to outside help. Does that translate to me being doomed to repetitive failure in my recovery? Of Course not.

I am positive that i speak for others who choose not to go down the GA route when i say that the Social Anxiety that has accumulated in me as a result of my years and years of secrecy/lies/deceit is a major factor in my not attending a room full of strangers to spill my story. This is simply how i feel and to be honest, such was the way i lived my life around gambling of all kinds,lapping up every bit of news, soundbytes etc. to attend meetings with people at various stages of recovery would pervesley stoke these thoughts and that i was missing the buzz. Again this is simply how it affects me.

I understand everything you have writted with regards to the OH's 'role' so please don't mistake what i previously commented - in no way did i suggest that it is the OH's responsibility to understand why their partners have done what they have done. My point was that, and many people will testify to, the perpetrator has lived with the knowledge and destruction and has been pre-prepared for the fall out whilst the OH has the bomb dropped and i take from Scott's posts that whilst it was supposed relief he was to feel at getting things out in the open, the hard fact is that it wasn't - he then had to deal with the fact that his OH was shellshocked and unable to be a crutch at a most crucial time, hence i believe that an understanding for the OH is vital and this might be best achieved via the outside help.

As an aside, and this is not meant to be a snipe in any form, you say that my 3 months + is meaningless as you consider that as it has not come via the route of outside help the root of the problem remains, so what if your OH relapses with all the help in the world? Where do you go from there? It's perhaps worth even considering that GA is NOT for everyone given the reasons re anxiety and the opening of old wounds i mention above?

Keep going Scott by the way, you sound like you have an amazing partner and i wish the two of you all the very best.

Steve

Day 100! Well done Baby! Xxx

Well done Scott a magnificent achievement. I wish you and your good lady every happiness!