Where do you go to make it all stop

Dear Rebk1014,

well done for coming on the Forum and taking action, before things spiral out of control again. It is a testimony to your previous recovery efforts that you are not leaving it too long to get help and support this time around.

Unfortunately lapses and relapses are part of the recovery journey, but they serve a purpose - the more we learn about our triggers and trigger situations, the more we are able to avoid these going forward or find better ways of dealing with them.

Please feel free to call our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline for one-to-one support and advice on how to move forward in your situation.

Please also keep posting and engaging on here.

All the very best,

Eva
Forum Admin

Admin - are relapses and lapses really part of the recovery journey as you say ? I would suggest they 'MAY' be part of the journey. If a relapse occurs it is important to tackle that as soon as possible or you will soon be in the same cycle.

Its not right to say they ARE part of the journey, this wouldnt give new recoveries much confidence

Hello Daz78,

Thank you for your comment which is a very important point. You're right in that it doesn't have to be inevitable that a recovering gambler will have a lapse. But it is important to learn how to deal with them and learn from them if they come. Better to be prepared than to be 'all or nothing' and be blindsided if you have a lapse, and abandon the recovery journey. that's why we include preventing and managing relapses as part of our treatment: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-treatment/online-treatment

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Rebk1014

Please please self exclude yourself from every online gaming site out there.

Your story is so similar to mine, i lost my marriage, son, house to gambling.

Gambled all my life, most times totally in control but its the times you lose control that causes all the issues.

I went 8yrs without gambling, got my house back in order, credit rating recovered etc.

Then i joined an online bookmaker and now 3yrs later I have debts of £30k, 2 loans and 5 credit cards.

Finally I have self excluded myself from every online avenue out there. My debts wont increase but for the next 3yrs money will be very tight but at least it is still in my control and I am not bankrupt and still have my job.

Stay strong, promise your understanding partner that you can stop and beat it. Please do it while she is still with you and take it from me you only regret it once they are gone.

Gamstop is your friend. Also consider K9 freee software. Get your partner to make the admin account. Make sure you dont' see the admin password they create. Then sit with your partner and click on the things you don't want to be able to visit. There's loads of options, not just gambling, to choose from. Drugs, s*x, even estate agent stuff can be blocked?? Anyway I digress, click gambling to stop access to it and any other boxes that you want to, then get your partner to click ok and reboot your machine. That's it done. No matter if you have an urge to log in and make an account, K9 will stop you and if you try to sneak it on your phone, gamstop will block you too. Good luck.

Forum admin wrote: Dear Rebk1014,

well done for coming on the Forum and taking action, before things spiral out of control again. It is a testimony to your previous recovery efforts that you are not leaving it too long to get help and support this time around.

Unfortunately lapses and relapses are part of the recovery journey, but they serve a purpose - the more we learn about our triggers and trigger situations, the more we are able to avoid these going forward or find better ways of dealing with them.

Please feel free to call our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline for one-to-one support and advice on how to move forward in your situation.

Please also keep posting and engaging on here.

All the very best,

Eva
Forum Admin

What shockingly awful advice. Relapses have nothing to do with recovery. All evidence suggests the more relapses people have, the harder it is to ever break free.
To suggest they are a good thing is absurd & dangerous.

This is the kind of nonsense I would expect to hear from someone with no knowledge about addiction, not from a supposed professional . Relapses are lack of recovery not a part of the journey.

You have in effect given everyone a justification to go out & add to their shame, their guilt & their financial worries because, hey guess what the gamcare guys said its the way to learn. Utter irresponsible drivel

I think people (with enough common sense) can understand what Eva was trying to get at.

Whilst, a relapse isn’t ideal in a person’s recovery, it is neither the end of the world. The hard truth is that relapses ARE part of the recovery process. I don’t know this for sure, but I reckon that 99% of the users on this forum have had some form of gambling relapse since they joined.

Therefore, it is likely that relapses will be part of the recovery process. If you’re part of the minority that hasn’t suffered a relapse since quitting gambling then well done. You’ve done extremely well.

The message was intended to be ‘encouraging’. To say something along the lines of, ‘just because you’ve had a relapse, doesn’t mean you can’t ever defeat this addiction....’

If we were to make a mountain out of a mole hill, then she perhaps could have said that ‘Relapses are part of the recovery for 99% of people...’. Etc

But I knew what she meant. Dare I say most others did too.

I certainly didn’t take it to mean that relapses are ‘fine’.

The last thing that we would want fellow recoverers thinking is that one relapse spells the end.

In no way did Eva suggest that relapses are a good thing. She used the word ‘unfortantely’ first and foremost. But there is a way of turning negatives into positives. To learn from your mistakes in life. Mistakes can seem bad in the short term but can stand you in good stead for the longer term, so long as you learn from them.

I am minded to agree with Determined Dan. Relapses are very unfortunate indeed but, the truth is, they do happen. They are not inevitable - but if they do happen, it's our response that counts. Because a full-on relapse can be catrastrophic and a meaningful, immediate response can not only mitigate its effects but minimise any repitition. Repeated and untreated relapses can be the worst thing.

Relapses, if they happen, can be everything to do with recovery because we have to question why and what went wrong and to act accordingly. Our aim, first and foremost, is zero relapses. But if it happens, how we respond is critical and part of a lifetime recovery journey that always aims for zero relapses.

That's my belief but always respect other viewpoints!