Where to begin

I'm ashamed to say that I have slipped back into the abyss today, 1000 gambled away. I don't know whether it's complancety or boredom or habit but today it has beaten me and I'm left with a sick desperate feeling and know that this is for sure thd lowest I have been. My heart is racing and I am panicking. I cannot tell my husband he will be devasted and angry. I cannot speak to anybody.

Reesay I am completely there with you on this one.

I too gambled away more than a grand again today. Online slots being my biggest vice too.

I'm at the precipice of complete devastation financially.

Time for life - I am sitting here in tears. I have tonight gambled most of my wages away. I have never done this before !! Why after I was doing so well?!!! I can't understand why I did it. I knew it was wrong and yet I did it anyway and now I cannot pay my mortgage. My life is not worth living like this, I have to get help

Feel free to talk to me about it if you want to. I am in the same boat and it is probably best to talk to someone who is going through the same thing as you.

Hi Reesay

I have just read your post and I really feel for you as I was there 4 weeks ago I reached rock bottom I had nothing left to feed my addiction.

Try starting a diary it really does help especially and read other peoples stories

Only you can do this there is no quick fix

Take one day at a time and forget your lost money

That's gone This is. Now a new life keep strong and keep thinking how you feel now when the urge comes to gamble again

Every day you don't gamble you win

You can never win if you play because you can't stop

I hope this helps I know you feel absolutely devastated but by keeping strong on your new road you can abstain and win

Best wishes Suzanne xx

Thank you all for your comments

It is an uphill battle. I couldn't tell my husband last night what I had done, he could see how upset I was but I just blamed it on the guilt. He is speaking to his parents today to try to borrow some money to get us through June. They have already helped us out so much I feel I betray all of them.

I have contacted my Iva company today to ask for a payment break. I have paid for 4yrs with no problems but If granted I can use this money to pay the mortgage and start again. I have opened a new account with no debit facilities on. From next month my wages will be paid into that. I am toying with the idea of opening up to my parents. They do not know about the debts, iva or especially the gambling but I feel it's too much for us to bear alone.

Hi Reesay

You have not posted for a couple of days I hope you are ok and beginning to move forward

Best wishes Suzanne xx

I am seriously trying. After the weekend if hell and that's the only way to describe it I just feel empty. I have spent all my wages and have had to borrow from parents to get through this month, this is what mortifies me the most as my in laws have helped us out loads and loads in the past. I spent Tuesday and Wednesday crying my eyes out still having the urge to gamble to miraculously solve our money problems but knowing that it's never gonna happen!!

I am determined to stop.

I have downloaded k9. I have got my new cash card through the post today and next moths wages will go into this account. As my husband works nights and this is when I'm at my worse he had started to take the wifi router with him! Extreme I know but if I can't get online then I can't gamble. I have contacted both ******** and quickquid ( owe 900 and &1100 to them) and set up payment plans for the next 6 months. I have access to money but it's in a joint account and my husband is making me account for everything even the 1.19 spent in wilkinsons today. This is what I need, no more half measures. I am an addict this is no longer fun, I feel like I'm playing for survival I hope that doesn't sound too dramatic!!

I have been trying to open up and speak to him more about how I feel and he is relieved that I am as he has know for such a long time that there was an issue bug I refused to speak about it.

I hope I sound I bit more positive, everyday is hard but I cannot have another day like Monday ever again!

Hi Reesay

Am pleased you are ok

Use the triangle it does work time location and money

I only have cash when I got paid 2 weeks ago I paid bills pay day loans etc and what bit I had left I drew out so no money on my card to gamble if urge came

Made me smile when you wrote husband taken wifi to work my OH took my laptop to work 9th April have not seen it since

Take one day at a time it's helps and if it gets bad one hour at a time

Also think about how you felt last time you lost that helps too and forget about lost money it's gone and when you realise that you stop chasing it and that helps stamp the urge

You can't win cos you can't stop but everyday you don't play you do win that day

All this is hard I know but one day at a time

Keep strong

Best wishes Suzanne xx

Hi Reesay

Hope you are ok and have started the fight against gambling it is the only way forward in the end

Best wishes Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne

I hope that you are doing well. Unfortunately I'm not doing so well. I have gambled again in secret from my husband. I have won and lost over the last few days with yesterday being a complete blowout from money that my dad gave me to help us out.

I am in a circle which I need to break free from. I am convince in my head when I'm spending ///// loads of money that I'm gonna have this one big win which will sort me out yet even win I do win big I don't withdraw it because if course I want more. I am being put in touch with a gambling counsellor to try to help me combat this.

My compulsion to gamble takes over every thought in body. I am fine until 6pm when I come home from work then it's almost automatic that I start to think and look for ways to place bets and I've now realised I can do it from my phone!!!!! I feel such a loser this morning. I'm meeting friends later then have family things going on so spending time with people who live me yet these things seem to dull into comparison with the high that gambling gives me. I can only take one day at a time and try to beat this. Thanks for keeping in touch, it's so good to get these thoughts out of my head even if I can't say or speak the words aloud to anyone .

Hi Reesay

I kept thinking I would have this big win and make it right and like you when I did win never did get to withdraw it

My last bet was in the 28th April I took out a 300 PD loan and blew the lot on slots I knew this was it and I did not have any feelings to winning or losing the buzz had long gone now Because I knew inside if I won I would only put it back on I then knew I had to stop

You have to really want to stop in your heArt for me I had no more to give to gambling I had wiped me and my OH out And I was relieved I had no more money to feed my addiction It had burnt me out

You are very brave to come on here and admit you have a problem Everytime you want to play come on here it helps read write how you feel start a diary and come on here Everytime you have urges to play

I can relate to everything you are sAying because I did the same as you

You will never win because you can't stop

I hope this helps it's not easy I know but it is the only way in the end

Suzanne xx

Hi guys just thought I would post an update. Things are going well so far I've stopped and more importantly don't want to gamble anymore. It's been over a week now. I just had a lightbulb moment when I realised it was only me that could stop me from doing destroying for life. I've been off sick from work this week and I have finally slept and rested and just let everything come together in my mind. I know it's a hard slog to come to pay off my debts but I also know that's it. I will not take out another PDLoan and I will not waste anymore of my time or money feeding. Gambling I now realise is not my friend. I've taken steps to stop, I have no money in my account, I have k9 installed and I am blocked from every site I can think of. I'm in a good way finally and I want it to continue. Thank goodness for this site, without it I would've been truly only.

Hi Reesay

When we let go of our losses and realise that we will never win simply because we can't stop we are on the road to recovery we have to forget what we have lost we will never get it back and we have to face up to our debts and take responsibility for them

It is very tough to take all this on board but it's what we have to do it really is the only way to go in the end

I wish you all the best on your journey

Suzanne x

Hi Reesay

I'm new on this site and reading your story made me want to reply to your thread. Your situation is pretty much exactly the same as mine. I have been addicted to online slots for just over 5 years and as of today am 12 days gamble free. It doesn't sound like alot but to me its huge and I am proud of myself. I had my lightbulb moment when I confessed to my husband, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and I have not had the urge to gamble since I told him. I'm starting to feel like a "normal" person again. I am in lots of debt - about 20,000 and it will be a struggle but I am looking forward to having money again to treat myself. I haven't really bought anything for myself for a few years - all my "spare" money went on the slots or paying back PD loans, credit cards etc.

I'm positive about the future now, lets kick this together and start living again!

Sharon.xxx