Years of gambling, stress and fraud.

Btw I do not in anway think it is ok to  chargeback like I have. I know what I did was wrong, I was at very low ebb and it is no excuse really. When I did finally tell a friend, he was no help really, he just says snap out of it and its easy to stop if you want.

I am not the sort of person to seek help or admit that I need any or confided in people. I find it really hard and I feel it makes me look week.

Hi there @cgler

I have only just joined the forum today!

Your post is the first one I've read and it has really hit home with me. I have never told anyone that I gamble, in fact most people assume that I am totally against it! Truth in fact is, that I 'secretly gamble' to the extent that I'm behind on bills, have numerous loans and yet again no one knows, not even my husband.

I found whilst reading your post, some sort of relief, in a sense that I'm not alone. You are very brave and strong for not only sharing your story but also for seeking help. I hope you find some sort of peace from sharing?. From reading your story it made me realise that yes I have also the same issues, but I'm just going to take the ruff with the smooth and assume this is just a little bump In a long road ahead.

Today, 27th April 2019, I openly admitted to myself that I have a problem, I also signed up for a self exclusion of 5 Years on most betting sites!

I CAN AND I WILL 

Tell yourself that everyday. 

Hi there,

I just wanted to say that you are not weak at all when you seek help. You are actually brave and strong to search for advice/help because that means you are willing to fight back the problem you are going through.

Please don't stop asking help, especially to professional help or gambling helpline.

I am a family of a gambler and want to tell you that seeking help is what your family or friends would want from you. 

CGler,

Welcome.

What you have done is fraud, and unquestionably it will lead to stealing from family, work or friends if you don't stop.

I would urge you to attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings as soon as possible (ie this week).

It takes courage to walk into a meeting and admit your problems in front of strangers. It certainly doesn't make you weak.

https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/find-a-meeting

In the meantime, as an absolute minimum register with Gamstop

https://www.gamstop.co.uk/

Posted by: CGler

Hi, I never admited this public before. But I got serious issues with gambling. I think it started in childhood, living near seafront as a child I got  on fruit machines where it did not matter about the age of someone. I was not addicted then though . As I got in adulthood the issues arouse.

I will not go into every single detail, but I would say I deposited and wagered significant amounts (six figure sums). What got me hooked,  I had joined a site and won a large sum with little money at the time. This was my first experience of a big win and it happened on the very first site I joined. This is what got me hooked.

The trouble is even small wins never satisfied me anymore and even when I did win larger sums, for some odd reason I cant explain, I would just sit and play until I lost it all and more. When I did win, I would often withdraw and feel as if i got my fix for the day, but the next day my urge to gamble would come back, and cause most sites offer you the fuction to cancel the withdrawal, then i would cancel my withdrawal and most times I would lose everything.

I am also shameful to admit, when I lost a large amount. I would call the card company up and say it was not me and most times they would refund me, although a few declinded to refund. I also had bank accounts refund my money but they would then write to me to tell me they were closing my accounts. The only neagtive that really happened would be that they would close my account. So only last week I did it with my new bank account and it was easier to do as I had no current gambling transactions, they refunded my money without question. I would often change all my details in the casino for fake ones after i had lost. The casino even provided the wrong updated details to the bank so this helped my case and I got my money returned.

I did confide to a friend who said I was at risk to getting arrested and prison, I already knew this when i was doing it but its like I am on self destruct mode. I trying my hardest to stop and I do manage to stop for a month and even 6 months. I know sometimes when I had a stresful event or bad time at work then it makes me want to gamble and sometimes if i see a tv advert or the late night roulette  games it seems to set me off. I cant explain my urge or why I do it, I sometimes think maybe I have some form of mental illness? my friend seems to think so.

I never stole of family or friendly or work. But I guess you can say I took advantage of the charge back schemes.

 

 

 

 

Hi

I to got very stimulated in to Gambling on the sea side fruit machines at an early age.

Yet when I had got in to the recovery program I felt that I was not responsible for my unhealthy actions and self destruction behaviors.

I had a tendency to only remember the fewer win times I Gambled rather than remember all of the painful times I had not only lost but also bury and suppress the pains caused by myself guilt shame regret humiliation I had the tendency to try and escape responsibility for my unhealthy actions time and time again.

The more I got in to the unhealthy habit of escaping people lie and situations and be triggered in to escaping every one and every thing the weaker I got.

The gambling was a kind of buzz for me the trying to escape the anticipation the build use to be so fear filled I use to think it was fun and exciting.

My unhealthy habits became more and more about the adrenaline rush, the stress anxiety caused even more fears in me.

When I got a speeding ticket I would blame the police officer for me having the ticket.

When I was in two prisons I did not feel responsible for my crimes.

My whole life became about risk taking my driving my taking life threatening risks was not only about me but also about risk taking with my family.

So today I understand that when I said to myself oh who cares any way that was the very instant I was willing to give up all faith and hope in myself.

The recovery program was only going to work for me if I was willing to put huge amounts of time and energy in to my recovery, it meant writing down my needs  writing down my wants and in time writing down my golas in achieving success in every avenue of my life.

When I got married I thought I knew what love was, today I understand that only when I healed my pains could I learn to love myself and only then love other people.

In time I would become emotionally detached from Gambling, that it means nothing to me, that I do not love it and did not really love it, it was just an adrenaline rush for me, I do not blame the gambling establishments for my unhealthy choices any more, I do not hate them or fear them, they are just unhealthy places for me to go to.

The gambling my addictions were a form of escaping people life and situations I could not emotionally cope with.

With each lie my fears grew, as I got more honest with myself the more I understood my emotional triggers.

In time and in my life I got to learn more about myself that when I abstained from gambling I wanted to escape in other unhealthy ways, I would even take up other unhealthy obsessions, I would escape in an unhealthy way to television programs, I would escape in an unhealthy way to computer games.

It was very rare for people to take the addictions seriously, and over time I would go to recovery centers to help people  understand then they are vulnerable and what to do about it rather than do some thing unhealthy.

Over time I would be able to get more honest about my answers to the twenty questions, I got more honest about my emotional vulnerability, and in time I would understand that I had learned to bury and suppress my pains from a very early age.

In my child hood I had experienced emotional pains abuse, I had experienced physical pains abuse, I had experienced sexual abuse, I had experienced abandonment, I had experienced neglect and use to fear going to school and use to fear going home.

So to protect my inner child I got in to the habit of surrounding myself with walls built of fears, sadly the same walls built of fears were stop me having close intimate relationships with other people.

So today I have set up boundaries to protect myself, I am not willing to self abuse myself any more,  I am not willing to work hard for my money and then  give it away to complete strangers while me and my family go with out.

Over time I would be able to say to myself just today I will not gamble, that is a very healthy boundary.

Then after some time I would say just today I will not gamble or smoke.

Then I would say just today I will not gamble smoke or get drunk.

Then I would say just today I will not gamble smoke get drunk or abuse myself or other people.

I was a victim as a child, sadly I then became a perpetrator, and until I would be accountable to myself I would avoid healing my hurt inner child.

Today I am moving from being a very unhealthy addict to being a healthy person I can be proud of today.

Money was never going to make me happy.

Money was never going to make me feel successful in myself.

I listen to my own conscience today.

I trust my own instincts today.

I do not get stressed out and filled with fear at Christmas any more.

I do not get stressed out and filled with fear at tax time any more.

I do not get stressed out and filled with fear each time I go the dentist time any more.

I do not get stressed out and get as angry as I use to.

Today I understand that my unhealthy anger was due to my pains I could not heal.

Today I understand that my unhealthy anger was due to my fears I could not face.

Today I understand that my unhealthy frustrations was due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

Today I understand that my unhealthy anger was causing myself more pains and was adversely affecting my relationships with all other people.

How much time and effort am I worth today.

How much do I want to life a healthy life with out me escaping in any fear again.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

I know exactly what you mean. This is my first ever post. But reading your post was just what  I would have written. Without the fraud. ?

How did the bank not trace your IP address? 
was you ever contacted once the investigation was over?