2014 Challenge

Checking in on 149 days gamble free. Feeling a bit jaded this morning after having a few beers yesterday whilst I have not drunk for around 4 months. Looking forward to watching my beloved team tonight in the play off semi's. Come on PNEFC.

Have a great weekend.

Mike

Hi all, my name is James.

During 2013 i developed some serious debts and gambling issues. Everything came to a head when my partner opened my bank statements and discovered what had been happening. In August i decided to stop. I managed for a while but had several relapses, nothing as serious as before, 10 here and there, so i fooled myself that everything was ok.

However since the middle of April, when i got paid, i have been having major problems again. I managed to lose (deposits minus winnings) 350. Now may partner has found out again and is quite correctly furious.

This time i have seen a counsellor and am determined to put things right. I have self excluded from every site i think i am a member of.

To date (on Saturday 10th May) i am 4 days gambling free

Hello.

Just checking in, i realized i hadn't this week.

So i've had a really really horrible week! I've sadly lost my job and really don't no what to do?!!

On the positive side i haven't gambled for 13 days. swings and roundabouts i guess.

checking in 151 days

Well done everybody this week who celebrated milestones

Congrats again on your 150 days BBS!!

Mike - really hope PNE win tonight!! Good luck!! Enjoy it mate.

greenunit - really sorry to hear you're having such a tough time soldier - at least there's one consolation that you are not having to put your head on your pillow at night and worry about how much money you're lost today. Please stay strong - these are the really testing times and as you'll know, gambling will make problems much much worse. Take care.

8 hours, 3 soldiers to come, 33 soldiers on the journey............

.......possibly 34 on the march........help2604 (James), if you can post again before midnight tonight and confirm that you are are ready to commit to join us on the journey and agree to the rules that are on the first post of the thread then I'd be delighted to add you to the group tomorrow. If you miss today then please post once again with your commitment and I'll add you next week! Good luck mate.

This will be my last post before the update tomorrow everyone....have a great night!

Mr Brightside

Checking in day 67....! Completely free from gambling. It wasn't the best welcome back into Chester after holiday with Chester races in full flow. Onwards and upwards. Have a good week everyone.

1 hour, 2 soldiers.........for the best ever.......

Mr B (out on the razz!!!)

Morning. Sorry for late check in. 6 days today. Rst.

Mr Brightside,

Apologies for missing the midnight deadline, but please add me for next week. I am ready to commit to the guidelines laid out in the first post. We can all beat this!

Hi James,

You've just made it!! I'm just finalising the numbers for this week now and can quickly re-jig to get you in!!

Welcome to the team soldier!!

Mr B

Hope its been a good week for everyone, mines been a lot better than the past few. I'm looking forward to reading this weeks update. Great to see so many of us are still going strong!

Good morning team!! How are we all today??

So this is my penultimate update before taking a couple of weeks out and heading off to the sunshine for a rest!! The one and only Big Philla (bornagain) has kindly volunteered, with a bit of support from delboy to keep the updates and momentum going for the time that I’m away. It’ll be fantastic to lie on a sun lounger with a beer in one hand, iPad in the other and read how well everyone is doing………I need the break from work if nothing else!

In this week’s update I’ll provide the latest stats for the group, the usual features of milestones and the roll of honour, the ever growing money mountain as well as the second in our “spotlight” sections that this week sees the amazing Duncanmacs guesting on the challenge, as well as a brilliant contribution from Time4Reform.

The Headlines for this Week……….

We have had one of our best weeks ever as a team!! Every one of our key measures have improved, some quite remarkably! We had 31 soldiers who began the week and all but one have made it back to base safely giving us a 97% retention rate - almost hit that illusive 100% number!! With an amazing 4 soldiers who were missing re-joining us and two new recruits joining the ranks, we are now 36 strong going into battle week. Each one of the 36 in the team are carrying an average of 72 days free from gambling and our collective total of clean days improved by 20% to give us a collective total of 6.9 years liberated from gambling. The challenge total of days since it began has improved significantly and the monies saved that would have lined a bookies pocket has gone up by 14k. What a fantastic week!! We should all take time to be proud of ourselves and our comrades - we are winning!!

New Members Joining Us………

We’ve had 2 new soldiers join the team this week, Dot83 and help2604. Welcome to the team folks and thanks for joining us in battle against gambling. I hope you get a great deal from being part of this group and that it acts as an extra conscience for you when temptation comes your way!

The “Spotlight” is on…………..duncanmac and Time4Reform

Second week of our new update section and I’d like to extend a huge thanks to our contributors for this week. I think this part of the update will be hugely important as a regular feature in sharing, learning, growing in recovery and understanding each other’s motivations and tools and techniques. So, I’ll hand over to our guest soldier for the week duncanmac and our own team member Time4Reform to take us through their spotlight……………….

1. Tell us a couple of things about you?

duncanmac - “My name is Duncan McQuilken and I am a recovering compulsive gambler. I am 39 years old, married with three children, two whippets and a budgie lol. I am a chef by trade with food and gambling having dominated my adult life.”

Time4Reform - “My name is Darren, I’m 27 and live with my Fiancee and 3 year old son. My problem is arcades and physical slot machines (never been interested in playing online slots ironically).”

2. When did you realise you had a problem with gambling?

duncanmac - “I think this question is a double edged sword! Secretly during my gambling life I felt like a loser, from as young as an underage drinker who, rather than socialise, would feed the fruit machine. I would simply rather gamble than pretty much anything else, the result always the same, that 'walk of shame' - potless, silently plotting revenge, I lived in hope that I would turn it around. Until my rock bottom on 23/01/2012, I would have told you I did not have a gambling problem.

In recovery I can in hindsight tell with honesty that I have had a compulsion to gamble since the very first punt I placed. My father is still an active compulsive gambler and his gambling has never been addressed, it was just accepted as part of his makeup. When questioned he would simply turn violent, to boot he left my ma with circa 50k of debt when he moved out to re marry someone who “understood” him.

The seed that gambling was a source of 'free' money was planted at a very young age with many hours stood at the curtained doors of the bookies………then the fateful day I slid 50p into a fruit machine at southsea fair………the outcome? 'duncs was all in!!'

That win 4.20 in tokens…………Oh and you all know what happened to my new found wealth.”

Time4Reform - “If I’m brutally honest I think I knew about 5 years before I actually admitted it and took action to put barriers in place. I’m currently 11 days clean (at time of writing) and looking forward to hitting 2 weeks by the time you have all read this :)”

3. What have you been doing to fill the time since stopping gambling?

duncanmac - “Since I started recovery we have cleared 70% of the debt I “gifted” my wife and kids - I say we because we as a family are all in my mind in recovery.

I have taken a new job, which gifts more time for me to live the life I gambled away, we have rescued two whippets, I garden, read, watch football live and on sky…………both rewards of arresting the punt. I forage wild mushrooms and try to be a better husband and dad to my family. Our eldest son joe (20) is a poet. He was gifted the title of the young poet laureate for Portsmouth two years ago, something which has seen him grow into a truly great performer. We have seen him at “Bestival”, “Victorious Festival”, and the highlight for me was when he performed during the Olympics torch journey on the hallowed turf of Fratton Park. Lily-May (18) is learning to drive and is, like Joe, off to uni. Callum (15) is pompeys biggest fan, helped by the season ticket we bought him.

So my life is busy, busy, busy and Sarah, my beautiful wife and best friend, now doesn't live in fear. Something for 20 years she did…………out of unconditional love she stood by………never judged……… and was and is my rock. She teaches and now enjoys her hobby of anything craft related.”

Time4Reform - Not much to be honest! I have been concentrating on changing my mental behaviour. I’ve spent so long lying to friends and family that I’m not 100% sure what’s real and what’s lies. When my partner asks where I’ve been I am now actually thinking before I speak to make sure I don’t lie anymore. Whenever I used to gamble I used to tell her that I had been to lots of other shops when in fact I had only been to 1 .......The arcade! The one thing I have been able to spend more time doing is playing games with my son and having more kisses and cuddles with him. I’ve realised just how important he is to me and he is my motivation when I have my gambling urges

4. What has been the most important thing you've done to help you stop gambling?

duncanmac - “the facts are there……… I was running out of time……..couldn't see a way out…….actually went to take my own life………..a Samaritan talked sense. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. So I returned home confessed we had 24 hrs until repossession, I owed money everywhere. I sat and wrote that night, all night to everyone I had lied to, cheated, stolen from and the next day I sought help. I was a broken man.

GA was the first place I went, the fellas there offered a new way, a way in truth I never had thought was there, that day I did admit for the first time I was beaten, gambling had won, had me licked, that day I sat and listened and wanted more. My diary here is an account of my journey since that day. Between the two I get gifted an ever growing resolve.

Someone gifted me this. To recover from addiction you have to give your recovery away. So many things have had a profound effect upon my life today, I thank everyone for it.

Whether day one or 1000 in my mind we are all equal.”

Time4Reform - “I think being honest with my partner has been the most important. She knew that I gambled but didn’t know the full extent of it. Also I carry a picture of my son in the coin section of my wallet to constantly remind me why I want to kick this horrible monster into touch and I make sure I don’t have any change or large amount of money on me. I also ensure I get on here at least once a day to remind myself I’m not alone and keep my motivation up.”

5. What is the best advice you have been given?

duncanmac - “The advice that my dear friend and fellow GA member gifted that first day I walked through the door……….

There is a triangle

Time-Money-Location

Take one away and the punt becomes impossible, gifting the rational side of the brain time to think, re wire itself.

For me the biggest thing recovery has gifted is honesty, firstly with myself, then with the world. There's no shame in admitting our short comings, folk actually relish it. To end…………..

Live life from a glass half full……………………on that keep up the fantastic work…………………..be kind to yourselves……………………….Enjoy the winning……………….and……………….

Abstain and Maintain.

Time4Reform - “Hard to pick 1 piece of advice as the "best" as there’s lots of very good advice on here. If I really had to choose something then I would it be "the triangle" - Money, Location, time - Remove any one of them and you can’t gamble”

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Absolutely amazing answers guys and once again, thanks for taking the time to share your story. There is no doubt in my mind that your words will help many of us through this journey. Some real similarities in there which serves to reinforce duncs words on us all being equal no matter where we are on our journey.

On to the Milestones Celebrated in the Last Week…………

Hardtimes, BabyBlueSky, Scambling, Mr Brightside………and as at today, Happy Days (congratulations Mike!!) have all gone through 150 days being clean from gambling. More than 750 days clean between us folks……..or over 2 years!!

Bornagain broke through the 20 week barrier! Congratulations mate!

Baggins celebrates her 10 week milestone today!! Not long before you’ll be joining the Century Club Joanne! Well done!

Delboygolf and Spaingone both broke through the half century this week - this is you now into the hard miles of maintaining guys……..can’t believe how quickly it’s gone that you joined and look where you are!! Brilliant stuff!!

And the Milestones To Be Celebrated this Week……..

Monday 12th - Hitthefan becomes the newest member of the Century Club tomorrow bringing our total in this exclusive club to 9. Congrats HTF - a real cause for celebration!

Wednesday 14th - Kickitnow hits double digits in the number of weeks free when moving onto the 10 week mark!! Well done KIN!!

Friday 16th - Bornagain hits the 150 day mark - awesome going Phil, especially in light of the last month!! Proud mate, really proud. LostaFortune and FlyingFox march shoulder to shoulder onto the 10 week mark - great milestone to be hitting folks…….just 3 weeks away from a quarter of a year clean and then into the Century Club!!

Sunday 18th - King1984 hits the half century and moves onto 50 days - really looking forward to calling it out King…….and if you’d be up for it, would be great to do a Spotlight on you? Let me know!

Here is the Roll of Honour for the Week……….

Name Days Clean

Hardtimes 152

babybluesky 152

bornagain 145

Happy Days 150

lostafortune 65

Mr Brightside 154

rst18 6

Delboy79 272

Hitthefan 99

luckygirl 24

newhorizon71 77

Baggins 70

Kickitnow 67

ToBeOrNot 79

triangle 59

Scambling 155

NoCrisis 58

ringerbell 59

delboygolf 52

AdamPrice 109

Spaingone 55

davey 14

FlyingFox1 65

Drew2002 42

King1984 43

Gladsdad 36

Batman 87

Pinky333 35

Wolfgang 40

Mo 21

jess2910 15

greenunit 14

Granite 11

Time4Reform 15

Dot83 14

help2604 5

Drum roll………total days free of gambling since the Challenge began……….

4284 Days = 214,200 in our pockets………………..0 in the bookies!!!

What an incredible number that is………….since we changed the average daily “loss” to 50, the cash number has taken on new meaning to me - it’s just mental!! We are free now!!!

So that’s the update for this week everyone! I’m going to stop apologising for how long it is!

Check in is open for this week (rst - you’re checked in already now soldier!!) - get the check ins nice and early folks!!

Have a superb and clean week everyone, be good to yourselves and be proud!!

Mr Brightside

Thank you Mr Brightside for a fantastic effort in writing your update, and for converting my 70 days into 10 weeks which hadn't occurred to me (Doh!) - seems incredible to me now!

The 2014 Challenge has played a major part in my getting this far.

Many congratulations to all fellow-soldiers for the various milestones, and a big thank you to Duncs and Time4Reform for their contributions - very articulate and thoughtful.

Checking in for the coming week and sending best wishes to all.

Joanna

Just correcting a couple of typos and having now worked out my math is rotten(!) - there's 36 soldiers heading into the week and not 37 as was originally posted - couldn't work out why I had 36 names but my brain still telling me 37!! Lol!!

Have a great afternoon everyone - if you're watching footy then hope your team wins!! Personally, I hope a team in red wins, a team in purple wins and teams in black/white and another in blue lose!! Lol!! It's just nice to watch football for football tbh, with no other side interests.

Mr Brightside

I am back have had a blip but am getting help from a true friend. I have handed to her all access to my cash so I cannot make any withdrawals without her knowledge. It feels liberating and selfishly it feels as though I no longer have the responsibility of trying to manage!! It's now our problem and we will sort it out. Anyone thinking of trying to manage on their own, I have tried for 2 years now and it doesn't work. My whole mindset has changed now I have shared the problem! Not gambled for 3 days.