10 days and counting!

Just throwing this out there and sorry if I upset anyone but your partner is being very emotionally abusive from how your are describing situations. has he always been this way?? 

Hi Libby you asking jadie the question or me ?

Hi @charlieboy this is going to sound really bad but I’m glad I’m not the only person who’s husband is like this. Maybe it is part of the process of them healing! I think I know the site your talking about and that where I started too! For the same reason! The chat. Last night was awful, kids stayed in their rooms, I stayed in my room and went to bed early, all I could hear was bang, crash! Dogs were shaking! Gone to work without a word today! Probably call me in a couple of hrs and be fine! But I’m not and as bad as it sounds I’m not letting it get swept away today because I’m sick to death of going in circles! My kids keep hearing me being called a liar and maybe for a little while i was but I’ve changed all that. He blames me for the kids telling ‘petty lies’ but if it was me who was being lied to I would ask myself why? He doesn’t realise why they keep not answering their phones to him or why they don’t talk to him! I’m ready to tell him enough is enough! I’ve always plaid his behaviour down but @libby87 I think you’re right he is emotionally abusing us and he always has! He says all the right things but he never changes and I’ve had enough! I keep saying he deserves better well so do I xx

I have been in your shoes with an ex partner, and before long you start to think/feel it is your fault. If his behaviour is now effecting your children also then that's the line you never want to cross. Nobody deserves to be abused in any way, I always felt the emotional was worse than the bruises as they healed.

Please look to protect them as yourself before it gets worse... You and they shouldn't have to live in a world where going to bed early, being scared etc 

Hi @libby87 I’m glad you’ve got out! I know exactly what you’re saying is true! I’m not going to take it anymore, he told me he has somewhere to go if need be and I’m going to tell him to go, I need him to go I think because I’ve been strong enough to not gamble but I feel the same as when I was and before I ever started which is not any good for me because I’ll end up back in the same place! I don’t want that, I want to get into work and do all the things i should be doing but he’s constantly telling me I’m a lier, I’m this and that and I think to myself who would ever employ you? Look at you! I volunteered with a refugee a couple of yrs ago, when I met her she was 35 weeks pregnant and had been moved to my area for her own protection as her partner had nearly killed her! She had the clothes on her back and a pack of vests, she was lonely and scared and overwhelmed but I started meeting her and through social media I managed to get donations and ended up with a pram and Moses basket, clothes, nappies etc and I even went to the hospital while she was in labour because she had no one else! She had a lovely baby girl and I helped her with that! I am saying this because I know I can do what I want to do! I don’t need him x

Dear jadiebby85,

Thank you for sharing your progress on the forum; it sounds like you have been doing brilliantly, however I did just want to share my concerns around the situation you are describing at home. As @Libbyuk87 has already commented, you should not be made to feel afraid in your own home; to change your behaviour as you describe is an indicator of an unhealthy or controlling relationship, and it sounds like the children are also very aware of your husband's behaviour and just how volatile the home environment has started to become.

You sound like you are already starting to think about the decisions that will help you in what to do next, and how you might start to build on your successes and everything that you have already achieved. I would like you to know that we are here for you @jadiebby85 and will support you in any way that we can. 

It might be useful to have a chat with Women's Aid or even the Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 for further practical advice as you prepare for what will be best for you and the children in this, your next chapter. 

We are also here on our helpline 0808 8020 133 and on our Live Chat both of which are available seven days a week, 24 hours a day.

Wishing you all the very best,

Helen 

Forum Admin

Yes jadie stay strong you have committed to not gambling which shows courage it's not easy.  I feel trapped as my husband would never leave. I would never ever leave my son and my parents who live in a flat attached to our house who are in their 80s( he makes their lives miserable sometimes) so I will stick things out . But I am considering things that can make me happy now and in the future. Gambling I know can't be one of them. My husband has been away 5days working, I've been cleaning etc etc and getting that feeling of hoping what mood he's in !!. I'm always here to chat to jadie x

Hiya Jardie

Hope your feeling better as it's really hard when your partner is getting you down as I'm sure during your relationship he would've made mistakes but he won't be remembering these as he'll just put it all on you. Just remember your the one who's on this site everyday getting help and helping people just remember your a person with feelings and you don't deserve to be put down when your doing so well, I'm not judging anyone I just think you deserve to be proud that you've achieved not gambling.