1st day of Gamstop.

Thank you for your comments sicko fit ? I'm so sorry you have been battling this for so long!!! You obviously have the great desire to live a better life... And you being on here and listening to other people stories and realising you're not alone must help.  I read other day of someone who'd also battled with this horrendous addiction for 21 years.. Now she's over a year GF!! And I believe you can do that too!! You deserve a happy rewarding life and I can only imagine the losses you have suffered over 20 years.. But think about how you will mo longer be losing anymore overv the rest of your life!!

Like you say one day at a time ? you can do this ??? stay strong!!

Good luck to everyone on their journey.

We got this! 

Hi joannieb, how are you doing ?

Hi Charlie

I'm not too bad thank you ? I am calling chat line everyday!! But I'm thinking that will get less as time goes on ? they are so patient!?

It's because I've isolated myself for so long and I don't talk to my family about it for many reasons.. But I know I need to get things out as I am by nature a communicator and used to be very social.. I don't miss the slots actually which is strange?? But I am reflecting I guess on past hurts and what led me to gambling   but hopefully that will get alot lighter load...

On a positive note, I got my haircut yesterday and bought myself a few tops!! First time in forever! So that was good ?

How are you? I see you on here supporting so many people.. Which is so lovely of you ? I'm sure like me they find your words and concern so helpful and inspiring to keep moving forward on this journey to a more content and full filling life!!

Thank you

Good luck to all ?

, 

Hi Joannie,

Great to come and read some of your journey, your honesty here is really inspiring. I hope you are doing well and congrats on the time GF so far! 

I can relate to struggling to communicate, it fills me with so much dread to have to speak about the problem because all I think about is the judgement, I’ve always thought better to appear fine than have people know the issues underneath.

The more I read on this site, the less I’m believing in that and it’s helpful. 

I hope you continue to have a good week

CJ

Hi Charlie

How are you doing? I have been really struggling last 4 days... This does have something to do with my brother becoming homeless and of all places heading to Camden Town from Suffolk!! So living in a bench at the moment in primrose Hill!? So this has caused endless worry and stress!

I was already struggling, not with having any urge to gamble at all??! Weird don't miss it? But I have noticed that I'm eating non stop ?!  But the biggest struggle is coming to terms with what I've lost over the last 7 years... Not just the money, but my pride, my morality, the best friend you could ever wish for.. My self care, endless list!

I just feel like I've wasted all those years.. Just so hard to come to terms with.

Apologies for the miserable whinge!

Always wishing everybody well on their journey ?

Hey I'm ok had a few tired days so haven't been posting but still reading. My reflection on your post is.... I know you're hurting, I understand but the positive thing, and this is going to sound weird but the fact that you can list all the things you have lost means that you are starting to get that clarity of mind. When I was gambling I couldn't think straight at all and like yourself the harsh reality of what I had done started to sink in about a week after I stopped. Let yourself feel it , digest it but then use it to move forward I've always kept " my list " in my eyeline to keep me grounded and give me that uncomfortable reminder of what a step backward would do. So keep moving forward, I know if hurts but staying gamble free will gradually dull the pain. Dig deep, keep going but also take it easy on yourself nothing good will come from constantly beating yourself up, you can't change the past but you can change yourself  and therefore your future

Hi Charlie

Thanks so much for your reply ? I do appreciate your words and support! I know you have come so far.. Really so well done!! When you talked about how it all started got you and the hurt you were going through at the time, well I can really relate to that!  I do understand that it will take a while to let go of the constant regret.. I guess its very common to reflect back on it all and feel such shame, but I know I will eventually get over that and forgive myself.  I am so shocked though that I don't miss slots at all?? I was playing for up to 12 or more hours a day! And I realised after a week I hadn't wanted any wine, so that's a bonus ?

I do hope you're less tired?   I hope you have been enjoying the Bank Holiday weekend and the sun!! ☀️☀️... About time!!  Thank you again for taking the time to show your support.. Its much appreciated and always great  advice ?

Well done again on your continuing success!!

Take care

Joan ?

Posted by: joannieb

Hi Charlie

Thanks so much for your reply ? I do appreciate your words and support! I know you have come so far.. Really so well done!! When you talked about how it all started got you and the hurt you were going through at the time, well I can really relate to that!  I do understand that it will take a while to let go of the constant regret.. I guess its very common to reflect back on it all and feel such shame, but I know I will eventually get over that and forgive myself.  I am so shocked though that I don't miss slots at all?? I was playing for up to 12 or more hours a day! And I realised after a week I hadn't wanted any wine, so that's a bonus ?

I do hope you're less tired?   I hope you have been enjoying the Bank Holiday weekend and the sun!! ☀️☀️... About time!!  Thank you again for taking the time to show your support.. Its much appreciated and always great  advice ?

Well done again on your continuing success!!

Take care

Joan ?

Hi Joanne

I am to like you shocked that I'm not missing the slots. Specially how it has been my life for 12 years and like you hours and hours each day. I'm sleeping so much better to and I'm not on edge because I know my bills are paid and I've money in the bank, a rarity in the past few years.

But a super well done you have stuck at it and your doing so well.

Sorry to hear that you feel your having to put all the work in with your best friend. Sometimes in life we drift apart. I was close to my old friend, seen each other daily or on the phone at least and now its dwindled out over the years, yes I was sad, hurt, upset but I'm a firm believer that both parties should put in the effort, if its one sided unfortunately I can't see it changing. Maybe you need to take a step back, let it rest for a bit and if she cares that much she will get in touch. I know its hard to let go but its playing a huge factor in your mood. Times a healer, either your friendship will or you will and become much happier and just put your effort into people who want to be around you or call you.

Thank you ? yes it is really hard.  You see it is all my fault.. This is someone who has been incredibly loyal, generous to me so much more than I deserved!? Put money into my account every month for 3 years!! When I lost my home she was there, when I was hurt by my family she was there?? Paid for my trips to New York.. Endliss list!

I was moral and kind before gambling and now I feel I have lost probably the most important relationship in my life. 

Apologies for the depressing post!!

I do realise just how important it is to focus on the positive and of course the positive is GF?

Well done to all on this journey of recovery ??

So, 8 weeks now of no gambling!! ? And I have to say I'm not missing it??  Started looking after myself Alot more, well there wasn't any at all for last several years! So many positives... Yet still dealing with or struggling with hurts and trauma that I think led me to addiction.

But day by day ? I guess at first when I stopped I thought life would be sorted... Very naieve ? however I am so grateful for the little things everyday, like being able to buy healthy foods again, affording to get my haircut, have a facial!! Actually they are pretty big things!! I know I still have personal issues to deal with and working on letting go of past hurts.. But stopping gambling after those insane, horrendous 7 years is the something I am so proud of.

I truly wish everybody on here who is on this journey of recovery, strength, peace of mind, ever growing sense of fulfillment ?

We are not defined by this addiction ? good luck to all ?

Posted by: joannieb

So, 8 weeks now of no gambling!! ? And I have to say I'm not missing it??  Started looking after myself Alot more, well there wasn't any at all for last several years! So many positives... Yet still dealing with or struggling with hurts and trauma that I think led me to addiction.

But day by day ? I guess at first when I stopped I thought life would be sorted... Very naieve ? however I am so grateful for the little things everyday, like being able to buy healthy foods again, affording to get my haircut, have a facial!! Actually they are pretty big things!! I know I still have personal issues to deal with and working on letting go of past hurts.. But stopping gambling after those insane, horrendous 7 years is the something I am so proud of.

I truly wish everybody on here who is on this journey of recovery, strength, peace of mind, ever growing sense of fulfillment ?

We are not defined by this addiction ? good luck to all ?

Well done,  8 weeks is amazing. Keep it up you have got this x

Thank you Joannie for your kindness in visiting my diary and congratulations on your excellent progress in recovery.

Tormented by addiction

Seven wretched years

Confused & broken hearted

Pillows held your tears

Two months ago you realised

The foolishness must end

Happiness and sanity

On Joannie did depend

You eyed up the destruction

But saw there was a still hope

And side by side with gamcare friends

Your learning how to cope

Respectful best wishes

From Aum

?

Thank you for your fab poem Aum ? so witty and uplifting ?

Your so clever ?