20 years pain

So I hit double figures today and its come around so quickly. Been a strange morning as I woke up dreaming about horse racing, not about gambling but just with an imaginary race in my mind. Very strange but not something that has me wanting to place a bet. Last night I found myself struggling to get enough spare cash together for fuel and food, I was getting stressed about it but the truth is this will continue to be a monthly occurrence while I gamble. By continuing to take a day at a time and sucessfully avoiding that first bet money won't be a problem for me. Stressing over money always leads me back to gambling, this is so irrational as its the gambling that causes the stress over money. So I need to really focus on staying positive, this time next week I will have been paid and I won't be gambling any of it!

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 10 I will not gamble!

Yesterday in work a colleague was placing some big bets on the football, to watch him win big and then give it back reinforces why I shouldn't gamble as that behaviour is exactly like my own when I gamble. I can't be that mug punter anymore! So a new day and one that won't see me doing any form of gambling, I'm really tying hard to focus on just taking this one day at a time and not getting too far ahead of myself. Life can only go one way for me as long as I make that daily choice. Feeling pretty good and looking forward to getting away for the night on Wednesday.

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 11 I will not gamble!

A new day and another day where I'm in a good frame of mind and having no problems with urges and no bad thoughts. My work colleague was again yesterday desperately chasing his losses, its so refreshing to have a clear mind and not be in his boots crazily chasing my losses like a mad man until every penny has gone and then the dreaded sinking feeling! The best thing so far for me since my last bet is the fact I am at peace, I have control of myself and my mind, total calmness is much better than the madness of my mind when I gamble! Only two more days till my city break and I can't wait.

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 12 I will not gamble!

Last day in work today before 2 days off and a birthday city break. I'm looking forward to getting away, however money is tight and when I change my currency later I won't have as much as I would have liked to be taking, just hope I have enough to get me by! On the gambling front I'm feeling good today, no urges and won't be jeopardising my break by placing any bets. Its going to be a busy day today, I have a positive mind and life is good!

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 13 I will not gamble!

A very quick post today from Dublin. It's been a good day so far and a well deserved break. I had a little time alone earlier on and being in a new country where I'm not self excluded a bad thought briefly entered my head. However I thought about the consequences of entering a bookies and there were no positives, had I gone in l would have started the cycle again and I would have also more than likely blown all my euros and had none for dinner and drinks tonight and shopping or sightseeing tomorrow. So a pat on my back for making the right choices today! I'm off out for the night now, I deserve a beer for having another positive day!

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 14 I will not gamble!

Just off the plane and about to head home, it's been a nice little break for me and I'm still gamble free! Payday tomorrow and no urges for me, however everyday needs to be treated the same. To win this battle every day I need to make the right choices. I can never be complacent!

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 15 I will not gamble!

hello mug punter keep up the good work im a fellow mug i bet of boredom or greed or sometimes just to be social in the shops to be honest i dont know why i just know thats what i do its crazy what we do to ourselves but just as easy as we can say lets try a liitle bet in the so and so and somewhere its just as easy to say no not today actually today i will keep some money for myself keep up the good work mate and best of luck to you

Thanks for the post loose cannon, I hope you're having a gamble free day today. It's pay day!!!!! At last my bank accounts looking healthy. Many a pay day I would wake up like a little boy on Christmas Day itching to get to the bookies and double or treble my money. It never ever went to plan, I would lose most of it on the morning dogs, maybe recover some on the horses and then blow the rest on the evening dogs. On the odd occasion that I won I would be back the next day and lose the lot, wages very rarely lasted more than a couple of days. One day I looked at my phone health app and it showed I had walked 5 miles, I thought that can't be right as all I did was go to the bookies. It was right I must have walked that from going from my seat to the counter repeatedly on an all day betting session, how sad!

So things have changed and they have to keep changing. For a start my money is now looked after by a friend so I've not lost a months wages on pay day for 2-3 years now. However I still have regularly been losing most of my wages. I'm self excluded at all the bookies in my area and online. I'm in a better frame of mind now and ready to continue the daily fight to ensure I don't give another penny to the bookies. I'm doing this for me and for my son and it's great to wake on pay day with a clear mind!

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 16 I will not gamble!

Well done mr mug i have been there and done it theres nothing wrong in making mistakes in life learning from them seems to be the way forward

Today has been a struggle, being surrounded by people talking about football bets tempted me and I really wanted a bet on the big match. I've managed to fight it off and can tick off another gamble free day, but only just. I kept telling myself if I placed that bet it would lead to one negative thing after another and tried to think about events from the past. I'm glad I survived and didn't give in.

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 17 I will not gamble!

Feeling better today, not got any thoughts about gambling in my mind. Got to continue working on myself to ensure that when the urges come that I'm able to stay in control and not give in. I will enjoy the sun today and enjoy having a clear mind.

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day 18 I will not gamble!

Well done, as I've said many times before, even 1 day gamble free for a compulsive gambler is an achievement.

You'll soon be at 3 weeks and before you know it a whole month, gamble free.

The urges, even years down the line never fully stop, BUT they do become much less frequent and they also become easier to overcome. Just think next time you get the urge, how far you already have come and the place where you are coming from, do you really want to go back to that horrible place.

During my recovery, the mear thought of having to post that I had failed, was enough to get me past the urge. I always say to people posts as much and often as you like.

A lot of the diaries on here, people don't always get a reply to posts, sometimes for a few days, but always remember people are reading and understanding your situation, as nearly everyone here is either going through or have been through this horrible addiction.

So I am back to square one, last Sunday night the urges came back and I found a new site online that I had never used and I loaded up 85 pounds. I had a winning streak and yesterday 1000 went into my bank from it. I have now given 700 back and I need to stop as if I continue the remaining 300 will quickly go and I will be telling my friend who manages my finances that I need 500 out of my wages. So first step now is for me to self exclude from the site which doesn't leave me many options as I'm excluded from most sportsbooks. The question I now need to ask is why did I slip? Well its no excuse but watching colleagues in work placing bets got into my head, but it was my choice to gamble and I should have made the right choice. Whilst gambling I lose all control, its not just the money, its the time and the fact it makes me not want to go to work or hide in work and place bets. It makes me stay up through the night placing bets and then as more as soon as I wake in the morning.

Where do I go from here? First step is not to gamble for the rest of the day. I'm out tomorrow for the night so the 300 I have left will pay for the night out and be my spending money for the rest of next week. I can't gamble again as I will lose the 300 and then lose the rest of my wages bit by bit as I can access it. I wish this was easier, for now I have to get back into a good mind set and take each day as it comes.

I'm a compulsive gambler and just for today on day zero I will not gamble!

Self Exclude ..and do it asap .. You know full well the fact you have ВЈ300 in the bank will make the urge stronger ..quit while you are ahead .. ( when I say ahead i mean money) every one slips up and it's what you do now that will make the difference . In the End you will never win while your still able to log into that site ..please don't do it ..you will lose the £300 and much more . I can see you trying to convince yourself not to gamble that win but I'm not sure ...
Just block or you will be asking your self why you didn't use that money to pay for your night out you will be kicking yourself and dwelling on what you could have spent the money on .
Stay Strong and Self Exclude

Lesley x

Day one again........................... same old story for me, I had a weeks run of big wins and then blew the lot last night. I need to fight off the thoughts in my mind about getting more money to gamble and try to regain some control. Its the same old story, I can't win because I can't stop. Fortunately I did pay off a lot of debt with some of my winnings, so it didn't all go to waste.

So todays plan is firstly not to gamble, secondly to enjoy my day off work and thirdly to reflect and think what I can do to ensure I don't slip up again. I will fight on, I need to fight harder this time round!

I'm a compulisve gambler and just for today on day 1 I will not gamble!