2017 My Year

Hi I'm new here and I was with a gambler , we were together 11years and for most we was happy , but the last 4 years he got so heavily into gambling , I tried everything I could think of to stop him , but nothing helped , I lost all respect for him and we weren't sleeping together , he wanted to but I couldn't turn my brain off to the lies ect , I was soft , hard and nothing worked , I myself tried the online slots I almost felt like if you can't beat them join them , he went mad about that , in the end I found I was just living a separate life to him , avoiding being home as it was just to painful , anyway he left me 6months ago and I found out after he had been seeing another woman , he has no Friends and not a brilliant relationship with family , but it has torn my world apart , he is in a lot of debt but says he's not gambling anymore although he won't get help for it , and I can understand why he would turn to someone else but it just makes me feel as if I was the one in the wrong and how can he have done all this and yet walk away and be fine , leaving me in broken

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Stephen , I've gotta agree with the last post , don't be a stranger buddy , if youv'e slipped then so what just get your @r*e in gear come back on and feel the love and support of the forum :)).

it's never easy Stephen but its a dam site harder on your own , just reach out buddy :))

Hey Stephen please come back posting Hun I second everything allain and Alan have said, we are all here to help each other Lu x

HI Stephen please reach out to us, no one is going to be off with you because you had a relapse, we are worried about you and want to support you x

Day 1.

Feeling low.

Dont have any barriers for money. Tried handing over my passport/card but they went away and left them out for me so i would money.

Nothing really else to say. Bought a cheap phone. Bought some cheap clothes. Tried internet dating. Total disasters.

Im meant to be a smart guy. But i put myself in the same situations all the time.

Thanks for the support anyways.

Hi Stephen good to see you back on here even under the circumstances:((. It happens mate , it's not the first time you've been in this situation is it ? . Your back and you now have to look at ways of avoiding the same situation again if your left with money , that being said this has to be more about you and willpower to be honest . However many blocks you put in place won't make one bit of difference if your not going to fight it and change your mindset ! Internet dating is something I can't advise on but my daughter met her partner a few years ago and now their married? Just because it doesn't work the first time, as with gambling don't give up trying , perhaps it's too much too soon and you need to get your head in a better place by stopping gambling first ? . I'm just off to work but I'll talk with you soon my friend. It's good to see you back posting :)). Alan

Stephen! You're back 🙂 Listen, I think we all guessed something had gone awry, but believe it or not, I think you have made progress. 1. You've come back pretty much immediately - before you may have had an immense blow out of anger on here then disappeared into the wilderness for months, so this is progress. 2. You bought yourself some clothes, I don't care how much they cost. I buy cheap clothes, nothing wrong with that, so long as you remember to treat yourself to something nice every now and again.

You were doing so, so well - what exactly went wrong? When you went off radar, your mum wasn't away then - so what was it? You said it was a bank holiday on the Monday but you had decided to work anyway to stave off the boredom - was that it? I sound intrusive I know, but the same as everyone else, unless we understand the triggers, how can we fend them off? My problem was boredom too to a big extent, so I do understand. Are you still doing the gym thing because that helped? And have you been back to hospital yet?

Did you go for a basic phone Stephen?

re the internet dating, I think the most important thing you should be thinking about is fixing you. Girlfriends will come, but you want to be the best version of Stephen to have as a boyfriend, I know that's what I would want, not some gambling guy with low self-esteem.

I really am glad you're back, I was worried about you along with many others on here. Lick your wounds then read back through your diary to see how far you had come.

Twinks xx

Hi Stephen sooo glad to see your back as been worried. It does need willpower and a change of mindset and something must be changing because you've come back soon as. You'll get there Stephen we all will take care hun Lu x

Stephen

So pleased to hear from you - you have an army of caring people on here who have been waiting to hear you are ok and thankfully you have now put our minds at rest. Sorry to hear you are low at the moment but maybe that is part and parcel of the rollercoaster ride of recovery and the trick is to ride out each day, learn from it and try and make the next day better. You should not put yourself down so much - you have done well organising the new phone and going clothes shopping. Who cares what things cost you have made an effort to make yourself more comfortable and improve your life so good for you. I would suggest you put the internet dating on hold for the moment and just concentrate on yourself and you will most probably meet a really lovely partner when you are least expecting it - which is much more romantic than internet dating - well, that's my opinion anyway and always looking for a happy ending!! Reading between the lines of your posts I can see you have a lot more to offer than you give yourself credit for. I know it can be hard and a bit of an effort but try to keep being friendly with people at work or at the gym even if it's for a short time in the day. Or even take your Mum out for a cup to tea or coffee now and again when she gets back off holiday. I hope you don't mind the parental advice now and again. Take care Stephen.

Stephen, all you seem to do is put yourself down and sell yourself short.
If my memory serves me right you have resently studied and passed many exams.
You are aware you have a problem but you now look for ways forward. Yes, sometimes you slip but please, please, please stop beating yourself up. You have come back onto here earlier than you normally would and it's fantastic to hear you got yourself some new clothes and a cheap phone. You've got back in touch with your doctor. Can't you see there are many positives in your last few months??
We don't have a magic wand. It's not easy but it's also something which is not impossible.
Even if you're taking two positive steps forward for every one back you're still winning.
You got some new clothes. I hope next payday you can treat yourself to something else - bus pass sounds good now the cold weather is kicking in!
I've struggled myself over the last month. I know it's difficult but we've both had runs in the past where we've succeeded to stop throwing our hard earned money down the drain. I'm nearly one week gf again. I hope you can join me on this journey. It's at times like these that I think why the h€ll do we do it?? In the cold light of day we work hard, take the money in one hand and hand it straight over to the gambling companies - crazy!!
It's time for me to take control, as I previously said, I hope you'll join me.

Took some drugs in the bookies . they turn a blind eye when you lose a months wages in an evening . might kill myself tonight . get drink with the 50 left and throw myself in front of a car. The drugs I got from the homeless is numbing me .maybe it might numb the pain of killing myself. Was always thought I was worthless. It would b a good note to end on. Happy Xmas non one gives a f**k.

Took some drugs in the bookies . they turn a blind eye when you lose a months wages in an evening . might kill myself tonight . get drink with the 50 left and throw myself in front of a car. The drugs I got from the homeless is numbing me .maybe it might numb the pain of killing myself. Was always thought I was worthless. It would b a good note to end on. Happy Xmas non one gives a f**k.

Stephen !! , The gamblings talking to you again and telling you all the things it used to , " Your worthless " You can't do this " buyt you know perfectly well that's not true . OK , so you gambled again so what , it's not the end of the world and it's happened before , it's just money again and you giving in to the temptation .

You stayed gamble free for many weeks and achieved so much in such a short time , so you can do it but as of yet you don't want too enough and that's it plain and simple . You dissapeared from this place where you could speak and engage with people that understand what it's like to be where you are now , which is never agreat idea , I don't know what went wrong but it just goes to show that you still had access to money and a place to gamble , which if you can't control it is something you have to put right .

Nobody said it's easy Stephen but you do have that choice to come back and get the support you need from the forum or gamcare or you can just let it win and say Fecck it , it's just not worth it ? . Nobody but you can fix this buddy were all here to help and give support and advice wherever we can but you still have to want this more than the next bet mate .

I told you before that what your talking about is a" permanent solution to a temporary problem " and those problems begin to go away as soon as you stop gambling , you know they do because you already started making giant steps forward .

If youv'e taken alot of drugs and you feel unwell then either phone an ambulance or get yourself to A and E , call the Samaritans if you feel the need to speak with someone or call gamcare , It's just not worth chucking your life away for a few quid mate !.

Speak with us soon ok buddy :))

Alan

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