2017 My Year

Last past of the week for me.

Finished work for the day, did overtime in work. keeping busy.

Heading the gym now and then home. Keeping it simple.

Staying safe this weekend, wish you all well

Nice to see your still fighting Mr 'G' as I call it now lol. Heard anything from your docs yet? Goooo on treat yourself a little 🙂

Hope your weekend has gone well. Now you're reading this you'll be back at work.
Take care and all good wishes.

Hi how's it going x

Two weeks free. Ill get paid either the end of the week or start of next week so that will be the test. Barriers in place but personal responsibility is also just as important for me.

Im waititng on the GP to contact me. Ill ring again tomorrow. Bit annoyed that i have to chase the GP for a phone call but thats life.

Started to fancy a girl in work recently. I wont do anything about it but its good to have a feeling not related to gambling. Tried to start a conversation earlier - asked her how her saturday night went - but she ended up chatting to the girl beside me. Its good to keep the brain active and try engage with people around me though.

Overtime tonight. Im not doing overtime for the extra cash, im doing it because it cuts out my free time and that cuts out daydreaming.

I talk to a bunch of lads in the canteen every day. But i put up a front really and would never tell them if im having a bad day. Never really speak to my teammates. So i really want to try and be myself more and try get talking to people. Ill have to be patient though , my earlier attempts at chatting to the girl didnt work out well.

Gambling wise i have had thoughts. With the football back on this weekend its hard not to think of odds for matches.

I still get headaches, not constantly but enough for me to worry.

Day off today for the gym, went yesterday to pass the time.

Thats all mumblings really, im doing good. I have to be patient . I really want to try to change a lot of my personality traits and that will take time but im open to change.

Keep up your socialising...its a good way to pass the time 🙂

My recovery goes in a cycle. On the third week i try and start solving my other problems. I take too much on too soon and fail. Thats why getting through payday will be so important. I will be breaking the cycle of that.

I feel im losing some focus. Starting to think of all my other problems when i should be concentratin on the gambling. I think once payday comes and goes ill be able to regain that focus

Hi Stephen , nothing wrong with trying new things to come out of your comfort zone , if you don't try you'll never know will you and just like trying to make a conversation with the girl at work and give up gambling if at first you don't succeed keep trying , if the girls not interested then move on , theres plenty more fish in the sea ( and I should know , I own a Fish and chip shop ) :))

Your doing so well my friend from where you were a couple of weeks ago , youv'e achieved so much in such a short time and everyone on here's proud of the effort your putting in now , just as before little steps and one day at a time Stephen .

Stay safe buddy and have a great day .

Stephen, sounds like you're doing great!
You're aware of how you're gf cycle goes. Don't take on too much.
Let your mum have control of your finances.
Just think, if you do, will that mean you'll be able to treat yourself - bus fares to work, new shoes, trousers and a take-away??
I'd love to hear that's where your hard earned wages have gone this month. Surely you'll feel so much better walking out of the shop with your new clothes which will last you months and months than walking out of the bookies with nothing.
If only it was as easy as it sounds.
I know you must be struggling after all the years of gambling.
I just want what's good for you. It sounds like you deserve some happiness in your life.
Gambling usually takes happiness away. Don't let it. You have to stay strong and fight it, make sure the blocks are in place and the triangle is broken.
As Alan said, little steps. . . we're all rooting for you.
Hope you get sorted at doctors.
Take care.

Thanks guys, if im ever in the neighbourhood Alan ill try those fish and chips 🙂

Rang the GP again this morning, spoke to the secretary who remembered my call from last week and said she would remind the doctor.

Im doing ok, i know why my head is messed up, its a couple of days before payday. So once i get over that ill find it easier to regain my focus,

Not planning on buying anything when i get paid, i know i cant have any money on me. My mam can take her rent out, theres a direct debit for the gym. I might ask for 20e a week to get some lunch and bus next week but other than that i have no plans. Will try and keep it as simple as possible, i know my head will be runnign around in circles.

I have tried to chat to the people on my team in work the last few days, not really getting anywhere. They have there own clique and to be fair im usually sitting in the corner in a mood because of the gambling. But i tried and thats a personality change.

Your always welcome in the chippy mate you know that :))

It's nice that you have a plan in place around payday as the more prepared you are the better , you know well enough what your bad times are but at least this time your better prepared to handle them :))

Keep pushing that doctor though Stephen and don't take no for an answer , they have a duty of care towards you and you have questions that should be answered ! , as for your workmates keep making little conversations with them ? you said yourself you haven't mixed much before so maybe their a bit uncertain about this new Stephen thats come along all of a sudden , your confronting your fears head on mate and thats a huge step forward for you and one that you should be rightly proud of :))

Keep striving forward buddy , little steps are all adding up to a bigger change :))

You have my respect mate , talk with you soon !

Alan

Cheers Alan needed that pep talk!

Went the gym at lunch time today because i was feeling low. The gym is right beside the job so i thought why not. I defo feel a bit better after it. Im glad im using something like the gym to make me feel better. Normally i would have walked into the bookies and even with no money i would look at the races.

Ah the team i wourk are a nice bunch to be fair to them. Your right Alan and i need to continue to engage when i can. Earlier i thought "f**k them ill talk to no one so", but thats not the right attitude and i do want to change.

The doctor situation is annoying me. She could even give me an update with how the referal is going, even if there was no update.

I have this feeling deep down that i am worthless. I know thats not true but deep down i do think it. So when the doctor cant even acknowledge me it kinda reinforces that negative opinion i have of myself. And i used that negative opinion to justify my gambling.

Still in the office finishing up some overtime.

I am making the most of the day really. Gym at lunch and overtime after work. Keeping busy.

In better form this evening now. I still find my moods changing two or three times during the day.

Payday is monthly. So its a huge thing for me. Its very much on my mind. I think i can focus more on work and the gym once it passes.

Don't ever think your worthless Stephen , I think it's addiction and particularly gambling that makes you believe that and to be honest I felt pretty worthless myself before I stopped , it was more the fact that I couldn't control my life anymore and had no interest in anything except getting to the bookies to play the machines , so I kinda started to believe I'd never be any different so what was the point in trying ? and that is what I think keeps you stuck in the cycle of continuing to do what is actually the cause of those very feelings if that makes sense ? but these day's I feel much more like my old confident self and it just seems to grow on a daily basis . .

The whole doctor thing that you say is annoying you is just life mate , we all get frustrated at how slow the system works sometimes and you really just want people to get their finger out sometimes , don't let it get to you buddy , if you get those feelings then a few good deep breaths to calm you down and push for an answer again , you'll get it when they realise you not the pushover you were and that your not going away untill you get what you want, remember that's the old Stephen's way of thinking not the new model :)).

As for your work mates , it would be so easy to as you said just say " f**k em all " and walk away but you haven't this time have you mate your facing another fear and dealing with it , again gamblings got a lot to do with that , were not very sociable creatures when were in a trance stood in some bookies playing a Fob't or bitting our nails in a photo finish on a dog race are we , and after a while that way transfers itself into our daily lives , we think nobody understands the way we think so why bother engaging , kinda explains why we end up like we do ? .

You may not realise it Stephen but your engaging far more on here than you were a couple of weeks ago , longer more detailed post's now show how far youv'e moved forward in a short time , like I said earlier , little steps end up becoming a giant leap :))

Sorry for the long post but it's good to talk :))

Have a good one buddy and keep pushing forward

Respect

Alan

Alan your a bit of a guardian angel arent ya 🙂 thanks for the post mate.

Started the day on a positive note by applying for a new exam. The exam will be on in January so i have a few months to study. Making sure i keep busy.

Overtime again today. Just to keep busy. Im trying to make the most out of each day and if that means im helping out at work then its much better than putting a bet on.