29th June 2025

Here we go again....

After a successful first 4 months of 2025, I let myself down hugely by gambling for the next 2 months. Culminating in losing a lot of money that I borrowed when taking out my first ever loan at the start of the year. I was going to state my losses but it doesn't matter whether it's £100 or £100k. 

But, it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start again. I'm not stupid, I know things have to change this time. Otherwise, it'll be a case of rinse and repeat after a few days, weeks, months of abstaining. 

I'm desperate for this to be my final attempt at a recovery. I want to live a happy, peaceful and simple life. I don't do flashy. I don't strive for nice cars, big houses, designer clothing etc. I just want to make memories.

Which makes the reason for gambling and putting myself in financial difficulty even more bizarre. There's just no need for it.

Watching my last bet lose last night, when it looked a certainty to win, actually made me happy as I knew I just didn't want to ever put myself in this position again. I hate how gambling has become so deep rooted in sport. I hate the fixed odds betting terminals in the bookies that are designed to keep you hooked and providing you with those deliberate near misses to keep you believing that next time you will win. I hate the fake, uncaring, tick boxing slogans that come with gambling, 'When the fun stops, stop' etc.

I just hate everything about gambling and what it stands for. It ruins lives and I'm not going to allow it to ruin mine any further. My life is more than good enough without it.

Will yesterday be my last bet? I don't know. I hope so. But for now, I will keep it simple. I will not gamble today.