2nd Post 7 days in

Hi

So this is my second post. I am now 7 days Gamble free. Thats the longest i have been gamble free in about 8 years which is quite unbelievably sad.

This week has been hard. My mood swings have been awful, mainly due to the realisation of how much of a hole i have dug myself financially. I now have a big debt, unfortunately a few thousand of that is payday loans (the evil loans for the desperate)

This months wages is going straight to payday loan debt, it means i live on next to nothing until feb and then each month following i need to pay as much as i can to each debt. Not exactly motivation to carry on but from my rock bottom i am going to build a strong foundation. Payday loans are by far the worse debt. When i sat down and worked out a repayment plan it seemed hopeless because by the time i could throw anything at it the interest is eating it up. My solution to this previously has been to gamble 1. To take away the stress 2. To try and repay my debt. Crazyness that isnt happening anymore. This is my situation now and if i dont face up to it then how will i learn.

If i am strong and budget well i can have it paid off in just over a year. It does mean being on a tight budget. This aside it has now highlighted how much money and time i have wasted and how much i could of done for the kids, for my family. Thing is if i focus to much on how guilty i feel or how bigger mountain i have to climb it just makes me feel worse and unable to sleep, concentrate or do any of the things my family need me to be. I need to tackle the mess i have created and the only way i can do this is to look forward not back.

I have now registered with Gamstop which is a big step for me, one i have put off for so long. It doesnt take away the mess i have staring me in the face but it does give me some relief that i cant do anymore damage to myself.

Today i feel wrecked. My partner deserves a medal. My mood swings have been all over the place, i am sobbing and moping around when i should be enjoying life. However its been 8 years of gambling so i cant expect it all to go away in a week. Us gamblers do want that quick fix dont we, but i look forward to a year gamble free so i can see what a better financial position i am in and hopefully mentally feeling better too. What a great feeling that will be to say i have come from there to here all on my own without a gambling crutch.

For now i am taking one day at a time. My debts cant go up, only down.