A fresh start

2 days gamble free. Feeling quite positive. Watched sport all day and not placed a single bet.

Feel absolutely numb. I have got through day 3 bet free. And I've managed to not have a bet on a golf tournament for the first time in 2 years.. And who gies and wins? The guy I've backed every single time he's played for 2 years. I've lost about 10-15k backing him since his last win about 30 events ago. First time I don't back him and he wins. I feel worse right now than ever. Feel absolutely sick. Dunno how I can forget about this. The money would have got me out of the most terrible hole.

I just can't believe it. I feel so empty, even worse than I felt when I was losing money. Dunno if this is going to set me back again. Tempted to chase the money I should have won but know that's not a good idea.

I don't know how I can get this out of my mind and get through the working week. Even though I didn't lose anymore money, it feels like the most terrible loss. I'm soaked in sweat, feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I'm in the most dire situation. I owe 5k in payday loans that are due to be paid on the same day in ten days. I have 6 grand to somehow find for a tax bill by August. Plus I added my debts up over the weekend and got it to be around 80k. I feel as low as can be. How can I get through this? I'm not sure that I can. The only solution I can see is to gamble and try and get a big win. But I know this will end in tears and am doing my best to banish these thoughts from my mind but I can't guarantee that I'm strong enough to keep going.

The only way I can carry on is to convince myself that although I would gave won this time, I'm still going to save so much money over my lifetime if I can stop.

This is the one thing I feared about not putting my usual bet on. I was terrified of it coming in and the affect it would have on me.

Hi,

Regarding your last post, this is exactly the case, if you'd have won that bet, yes maybe it would of solved your problems for now. But all it would of done is to add fuel to the gambling addiction and you would of probably been in the exact same position in a few months time.

Gambling will never be the solution.

You asked how to beat it and I would highly recommend talking to your girlfriend or your family about this because I can say that doing it alone is almost impossible. Yes they may be P***** off at first but if they love you they will want to help.

You will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and will make it sooo much easier to stay positive on the road to recovery.

I am talking from my own experiences, I completely understand the dark place you are in, and it's really really s**t isn't it. I relapsed last week and undone 6 months of hard work and positive strides forward in my life. Now I am back with the debt I started with, undoubtedly I have had, and will have, many depressing times when I think about the money I have lost. But that is in the past now, there is nothing we can do except move forward.

I can't stress enough how more gambling is not the solution. Easier said than done to resist! but please make sure that your priority is to stop making your debt worse.

I relapsed because I grew complacent not because that things don't get easier. Trust me, the positive feeling you will get after a few weeks gambling is crazy, you will feel like you again. Although there is always, always, temptations it gets easier to resist.

Use that as motivation to work towards! becoming yourself again!

Thanks for the reply matty. I appreciate it. I was in a dark place last night. I'm sure you are right. Had I have won a lot yesterday, it would have probably got me gambling big again, believing I could have another big win. Tbh, my gambling always gets more out of control when ive had a win. A few weeks ago, I won about 3.5 grand. Felt great, withdrew every penny. Then I got an email from someone from the site saying congratulations, what an amazing run. The funds can still be reversed if you want to try and win more. Or something to that effect. You can guess What happened next. It is just so difficult to take what happened yesterday because of how desperately I need the cash, but I know I will win in the long run if I can keep away from gambling. I gave had many big wins in the past and it has never solved my problems, so this one wouldn't have solved them neither. I would probably be sat here betting manically on some obscure tennis matches Had I won. I just need to accept that I do not have the self control to gamble. It's always all or nothing with me. I gambled my bank account down to zero, no matter how much was in there. Then I start on payday loans and gamble that all away. I know that I must stay strong and beat this, to get my life back. Not just the money but my personality too. My moods are ruled by how my bets have been going, I can't live like this. If I have a bad loss, it makes going to work and getting on with my job so difficult. I've had to fake illness to come home before because it's been unbearable because all I can think about is the loss. I know I can't go on like this. The stress has made me feel so ill for over 2 years now, since my stakes got completely out of control.

I'm sorry to hear of your relapse but 6 months was a great achievement! You can do it again, I'm sure. Thanks again for the encouraging words.

Rick.

Hi Richard

We can never win at gambling simply because we cannot stop

There Comes a time when we realise we will never get our money back because the stakes have got too high and with that brings higher losses that we can never win back

Once we let that money go and it's hard to do that but we have to in the end it's the only way to go

Take one day at a time and you will win one day at a time

Best wishes

Suzanne x

Hi Suzanne. I know you're right. I never take my winnings and stop. After a win, I just bet even more.

I know If I don't let the money go, I know I will lose even more in the long run. I just need to cut my losses and not throw anymore away.

It's been a tough day today but I haven't gambled. I just feel so depressed about the situation I've put myself in but I'm determined to put it right. I'm sick of working so hard and having nothing to show for it. I'm lucky enough to be fairly highly paid yet Im literally penniless. Can't even afford to buy food. What sane person gambles away food money? When I'm gambling I am crazy, I lose my grip on reality.

I don't think I've ever really wanted to stop before. I've always kidded myself I can carry on betting low stakes just for fun but now I realise that I'm just not able to do that and I have to stop. It's just so difficult because it's been such a huge part of my life for so long. I've gambled for 11 years and for the last 3, it has taken control of my life to the point where apart from work, it was the only thing I did with my life, all my other hobbies went out of the window. It's sad really that I've wasted such a large part of my life gambling, pushed friends and family away because all I wanted to do with every spare minute was gamble.

Hi Richard

It is very hard I know to realise that simply you simply cannot win in the end

First few days will be tough it took your whole life up apart from work I know I was the same there is a big void now in your life

Don't be too hard on yourself and take on day at a time it really helps don't think too far ahead

Come on here as often as you want to read other stories express how you feel on your diary it has got me to day 63 I

There is a lot of support on here we are all I the same situation trying to abstain from gambling

Use the triangle time location and money it' does make it impossible to play keep thinking can't win cos I can't stop

I call this journey a roller coaster ride but it far outweighs the merrygoround of gambling

Keep going and stay strong

Take care

Suzanne. X

Thank you Suzanne for your encouraging words. I'm on day 4 and I know that doesn't sound a lot but I think that's the longest I've gone without a bet for 2 or 3 years. So it's a start! I really feel like this is going to be the turning point for me. I hope so. I'm tired of letting everyone down.

Hi rick

Day 4 is very good getting through each day is very good

You are doing well

by doing one day at a time you will be surprised at what you achieve

Am right behind you

Suzanne x

Day 6 now. The thoughts about gambling are gradually reducing as each day goes by. Although I did dream about winning a huge bet last night..

Anyway, no temptation to bet, so all is good. Get paid 6 grand next Friday so that's going to be the real test. However I feel sure I will not gamble any of it. I know it's early days but I feel like I've turned a corner. I feel like the penny has finally dropped. If I carry on how I was going, I would face a lifetime of debt and misery. If I stop now, it's going to be a tough few years paying off this mountain of debt, but then I can get my life back. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Morning Rick,

I have spent time reading your diary this morning and like many of the other users of this site, your story is very similar to my own. I am perhaps a couple of years ahead of your situation and I thought highlighting my own plight may help. The one think that struck me is that you expect 6k in your bank in a weeks time, the one thing you have to realise is that you are very lucky to have that sort of income and the gambling problem you have if not dealt with can ruin that good position that you are in. I too was fortunate to have a well paid job, the problems that I have had may not have directly led to me losing that job but it certainly distracted my efforts which could have prevented redundancy. I now find myself with my wife and 2 kids having to live with my in laws, heavily indebted and hoping for the opportunity of another well paid job or a lottery win!!!!! Joking aside, focus on the positives because it sounds as though you still have a few and do so before you lose those.

All the best

Phil

Hi phil. Money has just been gambling tokens to me for so long. I've already ruined the good position I was in tbh. All the money I've earned in the last few years and I have nothing yo show for it at all. In fact I have huge debts. I can't believe how stupid I've been. All I can do now is try to stop throwing more money away and wasting more time.

A week after I get paid I'm usually skint. I owe every penny and more out on payday loans and credit card payments unfortunately. I also owe 22k to family and friends and face around 20-25k in bills in the next 6 of 7 months. So at the moment my situation is not good! But I know what you mean, at least I have a way of getting out of this mess eventually and I'm fortunate in that respect. Although Even if I never gamble again, it's going to be at least 3 years of very frugal living to get out of this mess.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Hopefully something will turn up soon and you can get back on your feet.

All the best

Rick.