A new dawn

Today is feeling like a much, much better day. I have had some good news and a weight has lifted. 

Also just realised that I haven't had any gambling urges for a few days. I am going to do something for myself today. Maybe a nice massage. 

Thank you for visiting my diary Murlo. I appreciate your kind words.

You are now 60 days into your journey of recovery and behaving like a true champion. Your honesty, modesty and compassion brighten up the diaries and are a great antidote to the blues.

Wishing you contentment in 2020 with lots of fun, happy days and jolly adventures.

Stephen x 

Dear Diary. Day 60 gamble free. Thank you Stephen for reminding me ?

Sometimes things happen that change our outlook on life and I would say that has been my experience in the last few days. Today has been a much better day, I am feeling rested after a decent sleep and ready to start thinking about what tomorrow brings rather than about yesterday or today. I haven’t spent much time at home over the last few days and it was lovely to have a soak in my own bath and sleep in my own bed.

I somehow feel different today, in a good way. I have cried a lot but it has felt good to do so. I have held on to so much since Monday it was great to finally let it all go. 

I actually got the chance to pick up my repaired wedding ring today. It looks amazing. All shiny and like new. Can’t wait til I can get it back on my finger.

I have been for a massage and that was heavenly. Booked a hair appointment (in serious need of attention) and been for a nice long walk. Thank you Freda for reminding me to do some self care stuff. It feels really good.

No thoughts of gambling. I wobbled on Monday but nothing at all since then.

Thank you to everyone for your words of comfort and support, it has meant everything.

I found chat hard tonight. Maybe I am not quite back to where I should be

I find it hard when there are lots of people in there, too many different conversations.

feel free to have a 121 with me on chat any time we are on there together murlo

stay safe 

Kram, that is lovely thank you ?

No worries my friend

Posted by: Murlo

I found chat hard tonight. Maybe I am not quite back to where I should be

Don't feel obliged to go in when you aren't ready. If you need to talk, use the Helpline. If you wanna observe, just be super strong and don't say ought. I do. I don't care. If I'm tired, I ain't talking to no-one. 

I just want you to be healthy and happy and that means doing that self-care stuff that's applicable to your circumstances. For me self-care today was a walk. For you it was a massage and perhaps not going in group chat for a few more days?

I dunno Murlo. I love you pal. You gotta do what you need to do to be well. Forget about us. Gamcare can deal with us. 

Drama x

You are wise and wonderful x

It can be daunting at times... Sometimes dinner chat is calmer and quieiter. 

It's difficult to guage the mood. Whether to add levity pool or not... Whether to sit in the background. I often come off chat pondering.. 

I just want you to recover In your own way. Remember we are there for the book.. The book isn't there for us. That is to say we each have our own unique way to travel and resolve this painful journey.. You have been delivered some bitter blows these last few weeks which demand a time for you to respond to loved ones feelings and emotions. You must feel crushed... 

We all love and care for you murlo and as for your support to others you are  a stand out. 

Sleep well.. Collect your thoughts and do what is right for you.. 

Much love  boo 

??

Thank you so much Boo, more wise counsel ?. I will get there, sometimes things just pop up that remind me that I am not quite whole at the moment. 

sleep well xx

Have reduced my being a thoroughly good egg target to 90 days by the way. I prefer it. 

yay! It will soon come around Drama ?. You will be having that 90 day fuddle!

Instead of chatting on Netline I Skyped my nieces who are on the other side of the world. It was awesome! I love being auntie ?

Day 61 gamble free. 

I haven’t done much today, just moped about feeling sorry for myself because I have a bit of a cold. Not good enough really. My hubby was meant to be coming home today (he’s in hospital) but they have delayed his discharge a bit so that hasn’t helped.

I am going to make the effort and go out tonight, I feel like I could do with it. May regret it tomorrow but at least it the weekend ?