Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan,

I love reading your thread, its a mix of comedy, truth and bits and bobs from a life that is being lived well. I agree with your views on the afternoon nap, where you can get it, it is truly a luxury worth savouring!

Your post from the other night set me thinking...I know that too often when I get back into some sort of credit situation, start building up some savings etc, too soon I've found myself slip sliding down the gambling path to destruction again.

Have a good bank holiday, I'm working until Sunday (though I swapped in Good Friday for another day so that I could have four days off later in the month, once the school holidays have finished), but that is no bad thing.

All the best mate

Ryan

Insomnia - think at this rate I will be going to sleep about the same time you get up for work.

The floods certainly knocked down more than just my garden fences as start of a big decline with many a straw added that finally broke this back.

Fences being mended this week ( how dare they charge so much) and acupuncture for my back and leg so gathering what I need to start rebuilding the proverbial wall.

Must admit I envy the energy you put into everything you do as by the end of the week and a few twelve hour working days I am totally kaput, especially when I need that energy to fight the demons, doesn't help getting three hours sleep either.

New spring resolution not to be a grumpy old bag so onwards and upwards from today.

xxx

Morning diary

Today is 'good friday' a day from my childhood that holds good memories why?? not religious reasons but the fact that as a child I remember all to well that it was a day where gambling simply was not a factor, I knew that on that day the bookies were all closed, there was no gambling to be had. It was a family day, football for the men then back to a relatives to debate the outcome and enjoy it, no gambling losses from my father, no wins either but it was a day without any disruption,the funny thing is the fact that gambling was not in the picture meant the day felt peacefull.

With hindsight I know all to well that in my fathers mind he would have possibly spent the day formulating his next punt, the racing only stopped for a day, so his gambling like mine in future years would have been dormant for a short term.

But all the same that day,a gamble free day all be imposed by a greater power existed.

f**k I could have learnt a great lesson from that, to have learnt that gambling had no place in my own life because I lived through gambling addiction boy and then through my own choosing a man.

I cannot change that path I trod, I did live it but today I reflect on this

As an active gambler I always lived in the past, always trying to recapture that feeling given through the first win, never looking forward always talking about 'this win or that' the good old days.

gambling made me live in the past,because the present as an active gambler meant in truth I was just digging a bigger hole.

Through recovery I have dug myself out of that hole, yes I fell back in once for three hours gifting my continued abstinence back to addiction, but I hung on,learnt that gambling is totally unacceptable in my life, because if I go at it I just dig a hole, in today's gambling market I am fully aware there are no 'good friday's ' because it is 24/7 365 days of the year, so today the industry can roll on,it will always exist but it will not get a single penny of my hard earnt.

Yesterday I paid every penny I got paid 2662.13 to debt, because I could and from it today I awoke in the knowledge that through paying out I make a greater gain than feeding notes into a machine, I am so fortunate that my beautiful wife shares my life, her income means we can exist in a life of humbled being, but a life which all the time we work at it, it will without doubt improve, it is an investment to the future, our future.

Today Recovery stopped me living in the past, yes today I remember it, today I open my wounds to use them as therapy, from that I don't beat myself up,more over I don't let addiction beat me up.

Today is a 'good friday' f**k every day feels the same, I am off to work,working all through the bank holiday, no need for me to do anything else,no easy option to look for, just hard toil to carry on my relentless pursuit of actually owing nothing to anybody, I used to think it would all come good 'one day' today I know it comes good every day, the bottom line is by the time I am 40 I should be in a position to look back at my life and think 'yes you had a hell of a ride and look what it gifted you, a wife who is truly the most amazing person, the best friend a fella could have,three kids who have turned into equally amazing people, there ambitions there own,not stolen away through there fathers addiction, there life in there own hands and a group of friends and family to behold too boot and the money you work hard for is yours to make the right choices with'

I turn 40 in october and it is the first time in my life that I have actually got the ability to look forward, not in the past for the things to treasure.

This is what recovery offers,not just to me but anyone who wants it,the rewards an honest approach to life, my life is not rose tinted, it is there for the taking.

so today I will take it with both hands, a rare lay in this morning, well broken by the fact that I willingly did youngest's paper round at half six so he could kip at a pals but I have had some down time,a chill out, now off to walk my beloved hounds before Work calls, today I leave Sarah in charge of the first bargain lamb leg, to which tonight I will devour lol.

Enjoy your gamble free time my fellow gamcarers, you are all worth it.

Be proud

Abstain and maintan

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc

Hope this finds you well

Enjoy your day.

Best wishes to you and yours,

Gazza

Hi dunc,

Just read your god Friday post and man I love it it's the first good thing this morning for me apart from the sun is shining outside but your post put some sun in my heart and this is priceless.

Thank you mate

Wolfgang

Morning diary

thanks for the kind words Wolfgang, it gifts my resolve hugely when folk take heart from what I write.

It for me is true that if we gift our lives through recovery but a portion of the time and effort spent formulating and gambling then the rewards are far greater than any punt.

I am obsessive at many things in my life, I am compelled to finish a task/job before before starting a new one,whether that be a job at work or eating a biscuit, f**k if there is a whole packet look out lol!!

Through abstinence I have learnt that some things don't come with closure, the end game simply does not have to come, it is ongoing, today it works in my life on so many levels, at work I can down tools and go home and forget about it, I don't obsess at home about work, I used to and the outcome was my work life overtook every thing else, recovery is the same I know today through all the lessons I have learnt upon this journey that the end game comes each day when I put my head on the pillow to enjoy well earnt rest, then it begins the next day, it is the same today as it was on day one of recovery, today's choice is as important as the one made the first day I owned up to being addicted beyond my control, today I have the ability to make a choice.

My choice is to abstain and maintain

No bet today.

Right my resolve topped up through my use of this forum, off to walk the hounds then work again beckons.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hey Duncs

Hope you are well. You are right - it is much better to be mindful and be in the present moment. It is something I have been doing a lot of and it definitely contributes to me feeling a calmness in my life and more at ease with myself.

Hope you have a lovely Easter with your family.

Take care.

Feb.

Hi Duncs,

Firstly, Happy Easter and thank you for your support last week.

I am in a much better mode than last week. Yes, I fell off the wagon and it seemed painful. However, I really like your recent post! And I realise something important that you have mentioned; I have been dwelling way too much on the future and not living in the moment, therefore it has caused an enoumous amount of stress!!

I want to post, and read your post's with intent, although I guess in the past I simply ran out of steam?

Keep up the good work.

I CAN WIN BECAUSE I HAVE STOPPED!

Evening diary

Thanks for the kind words folks, you gifted my resolve to continue enjoying life no end.

Today I got to graft hard, enjoyed life and come home to a great supper of more of that bargain lamb, too boot there is enough left to furnish a curry tomorrow Fantastic!!

Got me thinking it really is there if you want it, life.

In a nutshell to be able to live happy.

If I still had gambling in my life would I still be making sweeping statements about how other folk live,would I be questioning other folks happiness,bitter at the fact that through folk being happy because they choose life instead of thinking the answer still involved gambling would I still be losing.

The answer for me is a resounding yes.

The sun brings out the best in folk,it is a sight to behold, after the harsh winter,the continued rain,the floods it is truly marvelous to see what effect this weather has on folk.

riding to work I could see folk happy,playing on the common,young and old enjoying the bank holiday,truly great to see and inspiring.

Me I am no longer bitter at what life gifts,yes I am working 7 days a week,it to be honest comes easy,the weather goes a long way to improve the spirits,my knees have been out for a good few weeks again now lol.

Great to see the spirit of the weather being carried through to the forum too,I hope the new posters take great spirit through what arresting the punt can gift.

LIFE, and me I will take it in it's sun blessed glory today.

I thought of the honourable SA tonight riding home a fella was running,running hard at that,a look of satisfaction spread wide across his face,me I thought,fair play to you fella,your doing something to forefill your life,smiling to myself as I rode by.

I truly love the gift of recovery

The knowledge that gambling is a waste of time is a precious thing,it gifts a life,it is surely never too late to enjoy what it gifts,the good for me outweighs the S***e!!!

Funny because in my life I made the S***e pile up high every time I entered a bookies.

something I wont waste my precious time on in the future,well unless I spot a new one opening in town,to which I will enter with relish,a big smile,as I self exclude!!!

Knowledge is power.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today,stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs,

A good read.

Hi there

having been flooded out of my home for nearly three months the wonderful sunny weather is renewing not only my riverside garden but re energising me as well, think that was what started my downhill spiral of depression earlier this year.

Having acupuncture at hospital this week, should be interesting, have so much trapped wind some days might go pop when she sticks needle in - is that too much information?

Thanks again for support as much appreciated at those times when life feels like P**P.

xxx

GOOOOOOOOOOOOD Morning diary

So yesterday I got to ride to work in torrential rain it did nothing to dampen my resolve,my spirit lifted again when I got to bag my waterproofs and ride home after a days hard graft in glorious sunshine.

Had a delicious bowl of lamb rogan bhuna for supper lovingly made by made beautiful wife.

Watched some of the spanish football on the tv out of one eye and promptly fell asleep a deep slumber earnt through working hard, no fretting over where the next funding is coming from for yet another episode of gambling, or how to lie my way out of more losses.

This another gift of recovery.

Up early this morning to watch the premier league games from yesterday,all good to watch,the outcome not too important.

The sun has blessed us with it's presence again today!!! fanbloodytastic!!!!!!!

Off to work shortly,not before I have run out with the hounds.

No chance of me formulating or spending a single penny of my hard earnt today,all to aware that the irish national is running, a source for addiction to see an in road into my mind.

Well monsuier addiction I have news for you my old friend, the door is shut,my mind is closed for any of your shinanigans today!!

f**k you!!

Oh and I rattled out a cauli cheese for supper tonight,lol got to get in on the home cooking action before I am made redundant there!!lol

Even got to enjoy a creme egg yesterday!! delicious!!

LIfe is full of the rewards of abstinence since I took my head from my backside I see it clearly!!

Gambling is a total complete waste of time.

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today stepping forward never back.

So good to read about your day - and life gamble free

May the sun continue to shine in yours and your families life as well as on your bike ride home

Hi duncs,

Just been reading your postings and found them very inspiring. Am new to the forum and have found it a useful tool.

Been gambling for many years, its time for change, so many people hurt family friends, relationships come and gone, you know the script.

Returning to GA tomorrow for the first time in years, hopefully this time I will stick it out. Also got some good advice from online chat earlier today counselling etc.

I cant tell you how this forum has helped me lately and thanks for sharing your experiencing. You have been gambling free for many years now. It must feel great to get your life back mate.

I hope this will be the start of a new period in my life.

Evening Diary

Well if anyone wants a punt today,fancies letting destruction,the self appointed shi#te that gambling brings to life,not just the life of the gambler but the life of those folk innocently in our lives then I gift this advice

Read the thread of Shelly b on the family and friends section of the forum, it is truly eye opening,heart wreaching and all because her husband had to 'scratch his itch' that itch addiction the compulsion to gamble.

Some things have a profound impact upon my life today.

That thread is a great reminder of why I am here.

There is no glamour,glory or buzz to be had in the world of gambling

I would just impact sh#ite,buckets of it.

Today I hope Shelly b finds the courage to seek recovery, her and her kids deserve better from life than that which gambling has reaped.

My name is duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today.

Stepping forward never back