Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

"To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour" w. Blake.

enjoy your break.

John. Fellow addict in recovery

Morning diary.

Well yesterday I endured the flight, three hours of alien hell,my head felt like it was going to explode! !!

But I got through it, sarah held my fragile hand and talked me through the ordeal, I am pretty sure that if I could have stopped the plane upon take off I would have and crawled home, which would have been a terrible thing to do.

Maybe the fair isle we live upon is the one I will be consigned to lol.

In the meantime my feet are firmly staying on the ground here in zakynthos, what a beautiful place, one day in and I already feel relaxed, my skin will tan quickly,the bags I have been carrying under my eyes for twenty years will rescind.

The welcome we received by our apartment owner was humbling, truly hospitable, it appears a standard of care exists here which exceeds wealth which reinstores my belief in humanity, not a care for wealth but a care for the wellbeing of life.

We dined in a beautiful tavernas, the hosts exacting and the food exciting, simply cooked but with great love and that's something you cannot teach or buy.

This morning I have awoken to the joy of the swallows that nest under the eves busy feeding there young,a constant song brought.

The weather is going to be kind to us these first few days, hot but mixed with cloud, so we can get out and explore the local area, the butchers and harbour fishing my aim,can't help but want to get my hands dirty and explore the local cuisine.

Sarah still sleeps peacefully, she looks so beautiful, I am so happy she has remained a huge part of my life, and enjoys recovery too,because I know without her in my life recovery wouldn't be possible.

Gambling it would appear was left at Bristol airport, all those flashing machines everywhere I looked, the airport was asleep when we arrived, we were the first plane to leave, but those machines relentlessly flashing, trying to steal away folks holiday dreams before they set foot on a plane.

A stark contrast to the airport we landed in.

Addiction can be here with me for the duration of our holiday, I want it to witness first hand what recovery can gift.

Life,love and humility.

I won't be around the forum much for the next 15 days for the fact that I won't have opportunity.

Look after yourselves one and all

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Wishing you and Sarah a fantastic relaxing holiday, ENJOY.

Suzanne xxx

Morning diary.

It's a few days into my holiday and I am starting to feel much more relaxed and my body is for the first time in a while not feeling run down.

Yesterday we walked to the next village and again I was overjoyed at the fact that 'gambling' doesn't dominate life here, in fact I would say that the opportunity to gamble simply doesn't appear to exist in 3d.

This morning I have awoken to the sound of church bells, although I am not religious I enjoy the sounds of those bells and today I believe I have a better understanding of having faith.

I have taken recovery as my own belief, it is my own church, I don't have bells, I do however have a voice, something addiction muted for many years. Recovery has brought humility to my life and I am grateful for it.

So lazy day today, maybe a stroll across the beach, the scenery is breathtaking.

My beautiful wife Sarah turns 40 years young tomorrow, a day of celebration

A day I will be honoured to share.

We have found a beautiful tavernas to dine in and hope to ride one of the beautiful horse carts to our destination.

I have been astounded by the price of dining out, last night a whole wild sea bass cost around 7quid.

Less than I can purchase one from my wholesalers! !!!

Gambling effected my life and many others in catastrophic proportions

Today recovery gifts it.

All because I am devoted to making a choice

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc's,

Maybe i will try a whole sea bass for lunch then instead of a marmite sandwich! 🙂

Sounds like your having a loverly time.

Happy days... S.A 🙂

Morning diary.

Well we have had a very enjoyable couple of days, a lovely celebration on sarahs birthday, the apartment owner left some beautiful flowers and some bubbly,we had a superb meal and got to truly enjoy each other's company.

We have visited a cathedral and yesterday went to a place on the island marked with a huge cross on the mountain side.

Why it's there

To give remembrance to the folk who's lives were taken in the civil war.

I am not a religious person but was humbled to witness such a devotion to a belief by many in the cathedral,through all the adverse and difficult times this island has encountered faith has held the folk in unity.

I have had a pretty jaundiced view of religion for many years, believing whatever religion is followed it breeds the acceptance of some appalling acts all under its name.

I have been enlightened to see the other side of the coin so to speak, because as I wrote this week I use recovery to give myself faith.

Recovery is the first thing on my agenda, it is the most important thing in my life, because without it I would function in nothing more than a wholly destructive fashion.

I used to be so angry at the world, my views were always extreme and with honesty pretty ignorant.

I have taken great pride in learning about life and through accepting addiction will remain in my mind I am able to understand better what giving to it brings.

I would lose my own faith,my humility and become wholly worthless again.

To live in harmony with addiction rather than fight it

f**k it gifts great energy to fight the sh#ite life brings at times and better still great energy to enjoy the profoundly positive effect recovery brings.

The only difference for me is through recovery there is nobody to worship or look up to, everyone is equal

That I relish.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan,

Glad to read you're having a good time on your holiday, and I hope you and Sarah really enjoyed celebrating her birthday. Each hour of that holiday is well deserved, you've worked very hard to reduce the gambling demons and to make sure you have the addiction in hand. Not so far away that you let your guard down, just in that position where you can keep an eye on it and stay on top of it.

Keep it up, and I hope you have a great holiday.

Ryan

Hi Duncan

Wanted to thank you for posting on my diary. I've not gambled for a few years but recently on a trip of delving deeper into underlying causes.....in my diary I was saying that I think I'm socially anxious and you generously noted you get where I'm coming from on that.

Thanks that's really cool. I'm just starting to properly recognise that I'm socially anxious and that it's been there for a long time. It's nice of you to get that, to comment. You mentioned being the joker. I am that a bit but also speicalised in being contrary as a means of distancing myself but being accepted.

I hope you have a great holiday

Ryan, cardhue thanks for your ongoing support.

Morning diary, I am two hours ahead here in zakynthos, rain is forecast today and that means a quiet day, sarah is still sleeping peacefully.

I have some beautiful fruit bought at the market yesterday for breakfast and a good book to start, the third of our trip.

A week gone of our holiday, a week left to enjoy.

The challenge to find a greater meal than the one I ate in the beautiful port of st Peters, a simple tavernas placed right on the harbour, fish swimming at our feet and a fragrance of a bbq drifting from the kitchen.

A simple chargrilled squid with courgette and aubergine, incredibly cooked and simply a joy to eat.

Food has dominated my life, I am blessed to have a profession that I love, it makes work come easy as it never feels like work.

I am equally grateful for this forum, it's been a key to my continued recovery.

I believe by taking the many forms of medicine it gifts,not always easy to swallow, but priceless in ensuring that my focus will always be on maintaining my own recovery.

I came here truly broken, i thought my life was unrepairable, rotten to the core.

From those remnants I have built a fella from within, I know I still need to work hard to make amends and bring change.

Recovery never stops, the relentless pursuit of feeding it compels me to want more

More of living, something I gladly sold out to addiction to simply escape.

Today I stand and fight.

Today recovery gifts another win.

In fact this morning I feel like I hit one out the park!

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning diary.

The sun is already blazing here in zakynthos, lol Sarah has already been and put the towels out on the sun loungers,so today we will enjoy a day by the pool, yesterday I read another book, today I have another to start.

Five days left until we fly home and over a week until I return to work.

Yesterday the bills got paid, and the kids are looking after themselves and most importantly the hounds.

Gambling addiction denied us the opportunity for holidays for twenty years, gambling addiction simply stunted the growth of plans and dreams.

I have had an eye opening through recovery, one that squashed the feeling that I had something to prove to the world.

I used to have such a terrible relationship with money, throwing it at anything except what it should be used for and always foolishly believing that gambling would provide more.

Addiction lorded the fact that 'other' gambler's were winning but the truth is that I can count those on one hand and I have spent a great deal of my life stood in a bookies.

Without doubt I have witnessed more times the scenario of a punter drawing four figures from one fobt with a brief show of elation only to find themselves feeding that and more into the machine next to it.

In fact that page has been ripped out of my own gambling life diary, it happened many times.

All chasing a monkey for a jackpot, a figure I could feed it in five spins.

Looking back I see the futility of my gambling because I will be honest pretty much after the first time I gambled I simply forgot how to win, the act of gambling was a war to stay gambling.

As Einstein wrote 'to repeat the same action over and over expecting the outcome to change is the definition of madness'

Never a truer word written.

Cut back all the fancy trimmings and the pure fantasy addiction feeds you and for the compulsive gambler that is what you're left with.

Gambling is a futile act, as an author here wrote many times

Gambling is a complete waste of time.

The wonderful thing is that we can find redemption, through giving recovery as much effort as we did our gambling.

Recovery is my new addiction, through it I win my life back.

Please do the same

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning Duncan

Great to see my old friend is enjoying the fruits of his labour, i just finished 16 days in Thailand with my family and your right gambling for so many years has denied us and our families these wonderful holidays. I salute you and wish you a wonderful time, i will post on my diary today. It's day 5 for me but i am back trying to win the fight again.

Dark Place

Hi Duncs and Sarah,

WOW you really are turning your lives around, and all because of one simple word RECOVERY, you both truly deserve all the happiness and contentment you are getting on your hols in the sun, felt quite envious when I read the towels on the lounger bit, it made me smile, no lie ins lol, yep towels on the sun beds are the first port of the day.

Have a great time enjoying the rest of your hols,

Suzanne xxx

Good morning Duncan. Sunshining here but not quite the same as being on a sunlounger in front of a crisp blue pool with the great atmostphere and food as abroad. Uplifts me as reading a good few positive posts today and makes me Want to be adding my own in the future. Enjoy that well deserved holiday.. Take care Mary

Good afternoon diary.

Well after eating the best ice cream I can remember in a beach bar overlooking the clear blue Mediterranean Sea Sarah decided that it is time to update my profile picture,the new one portrays a fresh looking me lol,no more tired lines, no more eyes that hide ammenacing secret. just the smile of recovery.

Recovery is for me freedom from my past failings, it's future unknown but one thing is for sure, it's a brighter one without addiction calling the shots.

My curls continue to grow to boot lol,a far cry from the man i let addiction become.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning Duncan

Many thanks for your post last week.

I am really pleased to see you going strong.

I hope nothing stand in your way of recovery.

Mark