Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Mr. Duncs....And Sarah

Not posted to you before.......Always enjoyed reading your posts......

Wanted to let you know you have some competition in the kitchen now!

Seriously....You are both an inspiration on here, With the support of each other you have shown it can be done........Throwing my scarf off now and dancing round it...tr ....la ....la!

Though people dont always post...doesnt mean they dont read.

Have loved reading through your journey!

Sue xx

afternoon diary.

thanks for all the kind words folks I really do feel humbled by many of your posts,as I often state I am just a bloke trying to fix his broken ways.

Today my life is turning around full circle and to achieve this I am taking a huge look at myself, today i have thought about my own self esteem, something which has over a long period been pretty low, something I used gambling to foolishly mask along side drinking, the one constant in my life has always been work, something i think for me is a subject which has in my life led to a degree of criticism as often I have put work first, cooking for me is my oasis and know I have put it first because it does give me a sense of being, I dont want to personally break down what caused my low self esteem as for me recovery is about as a constant stepping forward never back. Today my self esteem is high, higher than it has ever been, why I have a sense of being, a family who we together strive for a balance in all things, a set of real friends who i know i can count upon the same as they do me, a job which is a challenge but will ultimately give me my shot to cook the food which for twenty years i have yearned to cook and from all this I have faith in most of all myself. A boss once said to me that a person who had say a 60% skill level and 99% confidence sometimes breached the gap between the two with arrogance, well today I know from this I am 99% confident that my skill sect is equal and my only arrogance in this life would be to return to gambling which with out doubt would destruct my self esteem, so today I bin that feeling I harboured for too long along with the gambling that I binned too.

Duncs compulsive gambler NO BET TODAY.

Good for you my friend .

Let's us not forget , you have along with your family put in the hard work to make this all possible .

Your commitment to turning your live around is an example to us all.

I have made a quick call to the local incinerator and those things you chucked in the bin this morning , have just gone up in smoke ,,,,,,,,

No turning back now , but then who on earth would want to .

Keep striding forward ..........

Shiny xxxxxxxxx

Afternoon diary.

Well thank you shiny, as I said going through a clear out at the minute, kind of tweeked the 12 steps to suit me,and what is good for my recovery. Today I will pay testament to a person who gives in shovels and until the weekend i fear i for one took for granted, Rach your post today spells out so much about the recovery of not only the compulsive gambler but the people around them, I guess a part of me just assumed that because I am recovering the folk around me would to and for me at the same relentless pace, Today I know i will like my blocks are kept in check i will keep those around me in the constant loop, something i feel i may have overlooked.

So from me to you a massive big thankyou.

Off tomorrow a day to dress in my sunshine best, and we celebrate the life of an absent friend.

oh to end on a great note diary my joe went to london yesterday off the back of his bestival performance, to record some of his work for the roundhouse promotions AMAZING!!!

at work, catchin a quick break, we are catering a wedding today, fantastic in the style of a street party in the 50's, ha ha showed my pastry chef the best scones in the world(Thanks Sharron the best pastry chef i ever worked with!! dont fret the recipe is still safe!!!!!!!!!!)

Duncs stepping forward never back.

hI Duncs,

thanks so much for the post.. Poor little woody he hasnt stopped crying since he came home feeling extremly sorry for himself, im assuming its just a bit of trauma/stress from being in a cage in a strange place in pain for 2 days.. Hes eating and sleeping and wagging his tail and his b*m lol... Will see how he is tomorrow but its R & R for him for a week.

How amazing is that Joe what a little star in the making you must be so so proud.

I love reading your posts they always give me that boost to keep going.

Thanks duncs

Blondie

Hi Duncs.... : )

Thank you so much for understanding and taking the time to understand ....I feel so happy today because even if in some small way understanding can be built

then it is all worth while....massively worth while.

Its not about right and wrong is it?..its about understanding different needs...nothing even needs to be fixed or worked harder at...its just a process thats all..

Im thrilled that You and Sarah are real examples of how a relationship can be made stronger and I love how Sarah also reads the forum..its fantastic....

am sending cooooo eeeee waves ////// from the settee to the family and knowing that the similarities are far more important than any differences...

hugs and love to all and Hovis ...wuff wuff

Rach and Dotty xx

Morning Duncs and family,

Wanted to say thank you for the post....think we both posted on mine about the same time!

Keep them cooking tips coming.....always willing to try anything new. I really enjoy being in the kitchen.

Must say you have been very brave reading all my diary!

I'm in this for the long haul!

Sue x

Morning Duncs,

Great to see that you are still going strong. Enjoy your weekend.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Duncan,

Just popping in 2 say, I hope u have a gr8 wknd 🙂

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Hiya Duncs....

Been reading your previous post again there on self esteem and yes ..even I can see the change in your posts from when you first got on here and your self esteem was down...

You do come across as a confident person and I know you have worked really really hard for that and have bags of humility..

I always love that the word humility means..the "ability to be taught" and be humble cos when we don't know we learn more.

Arrogance is a lack of those things and I get what your boss was meaning there about percentages...

I would say the biggest mistake I have ever made with choice of partners is mistaking arrogance for confidence..

You always strike me Duncs as very similar to one of my best pals John....he' wears his heart on his sleeve ...has been known to chuck a few things around in frustration at himself but has a big heart of gold and wouldn't hurt a fly ...he has'nt a bad bone in his body and is hugely kind ...you remind me of him from your posts..

If he has ever hidden stuff its been to protect others ...like the time we were in business..he got into trouble with accounts..didn't tell me and then it grew into a bigger mess when if i had known earlier i could have arrested it...He lied to me because he didn't want to worry me not because he was bad.

Anyhoooo...started going off track there but ....all II was really saying is that on real confidence....yours shines through and I love how you always give so much credit to people and make people feel good inside and like they are worth something...

Keep singing.."you will always find me in the kitchen at parties."..and wondering if thats the same for you and Sarah ...lol

hugs and squeezes...always forward....never back

Rach and Dotty xxx

Thanks rach will catch up soon.

Afternoon diary,no post yesterday as we had a day too celebrate the life our sadly lost friend kim. My mum came from somerset to attend and had to rush home as there cat was taken ill, he had a blood clot and sadly this morning he had to be put to sleep.r.i.P sam. I am taking a day off today as my back problem has re occur ed so I am rest ing up.

Today I have been going through my 12 steps book I got from ga, I hope to go through these with a fella from my ga as we don't at our fellowship and the two Of us want to remain as focused as we can and both see this as an important aspect of recovery.

Today I would like to share this from my book."it is much better to face your defects fearlessly.most of our egos have built up a great wall of resistance around us.we invented excuses for ourselves and told lies to excuse our gambling weakness, so, if we are to arrest our obsession of gambling, our defects must be corrected" this folks will be my lifes work which just for today will make my choice easier no bet today.tomorrows forecast better for it.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning diary.

On bus to work, full of tramadol as my back is worse than yesterday, will get through and go to doc tomorrow, days like today I will survive and know they make me stronger. still smiling all be it a tramadol one lol

Duncs stepping forward never back

DMac,

Checking in on your diary. Great to see the progress you continue to make. I hope the back gets better soon. There is nothing worse than constant back ache. Hopefully, the heat in the kitchen combined with the strength of the painkillers will get you through it.

Tomso.

Morning Duncs,

Hoping your back improves today..no fun being in pain but tramadol to the rescue for you at least so you can work ..that volterol spray is meant to be good too..but maybe the Doc can give you something better or even physio?

I am sorry to hear about your Mums cat...It did seem you had a day of mixed emotions yesterday but have got through without going back ...

I also have been doing step 4 work and defects of character....facing them fearlessly...

My sponsor yonks ago in AL Anon used to say that sometimes what we see as a defect can sometimes be a strength if we apply it in a different way...I kind of see what she meant now.

(I came in with a defects list as long as my arm..lol )

It sounds like work is still as busy as ever...we were chatting with the restaurant crew last night at our meal who had 10 staff in but it was so quiet for a saturday...but wednesday was bouncing!

In retail we sort of track it to end of month paydays but even that doesn't stand up as a lot of folk paid on the 10th and 15th....Im a 28th girl...lol

SO...we came to three conclusions...1.the olympics.2.holidays abroad 3.the weather......we're always coming up with predictive theories about joe public and trying to be mind readers...

right ..well rambled on a bit there Dunc....as ever...

Always stepping forward...never back...

Keep on keeping on..but gently on your back...

hugs to you and Sarah...

Rach and Doo xx

...."hobbling forward"....did a big LOL followed by a concerned "AWwwww"

This forum really does bring out all emotions...even within a nano second..

Take it easy lifting those big Wok pan things.

xxxxx

R and D xx