Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

ps..

Thank you thank you to You and Sarah for "getting me" and what happens .

It means SO much to me to feel understood...even when I slip...yes its ugly ...I hate it and beating myself up harshly for not being perfect just makes the next flare worse as I am consumed with guilt....

I couldn't build that bridge with my ex.....I didn't have the knowledge until too late but I am really trying to do it here with you folks.

Truly...its unconditional it really is.....the good the bad and the ugly...

Thanks for being there.

((((((((D and S))))))))) xxxxx

morning diary. In my life it is great that the lessons i learn upon this forum help me in so many ways. Yesterday my number 2 chef had a stinker! I think if he cooked toast he would have burnt it! In my previous i would have torn him a new backside, today the kitchen would be a horrible place, in reality, he has worked 2 weeks on the bounce, we have been busy, he is worn out, maybe i pushed him too hard, did i lose it no, i rectified his errors, got him off as soon as i could and today have given him a lay in, i will then give him a couple of days off, i have had 3 days off in 4 months now, i still have a relentless energy i have harnessed and have to understand that is my pace and so do those around me. I get a huge sense of well being today from being able to run my kitchen this way, my job is reliant upon making quick decisions and i know through my recovery the best way to do this is to be forearmed, prepared for it, that today means an earlier start for me and give my staff a break. I still got to walk the dog up the fields to watch the amazing cloud formation, and a mother wren nursing her fledgling, sarah is making us a big curry for supper, joe returns from bestival and our youngest is meeting for an hours fishing post work. So todays sacrifice cost me a little time, well i wasted enough of that to fill most peoples, so stepping forward with pride i am making a difference to my world!! Why because today i wont be having a punt, today again i will enjoy my life and tonight my family, my beautiful amazing wife. Duncs compulsive gambler making a difference. NO BET TODAY.

Morning Sir,

Truly brilliant post. One that reminds us why we choose to make that 'right choice' everyday. The added benefits to not gambling are there for all to see. I think reading your diary for a week I could pick out at least 15 added benefits. Certainly 15 good reasons to continue stepping forward.

Have a great Sunday!

Flagg

Hi Duncanmac,

I am currently grappling with turning my "***-ativity" into compassionate action. Your post was inspiring! Thank-you! joan

Hi Duncs,

Thanks for the post. What a fantastic last post from you, Your commitment to your recovery is nothing short of amazing, Whilst in recovery everyday is another day to turn it around. You are so giving and humble in everything you do. You continue to grow and learn and change and admit your past faults and celebrate you new found you.

The trip down south was great, shame about the no medals for cav but then nothing in life is a given and failing makes us come back stronger, although it might be his last olympics he has pushed the barrier in terms of human endurance and strength and that makes him a winner.

Keep doing what you doing duncs, You should be exremely proud.

Blondie

Yo Duncs

Just wanted to pop in and say hi .

Keep striding forward , cornetto in hand mate .

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Morning diary.

today riding to work after a lay in with my Sarah and yes you guessed it young Hovis lol how romantic, and the course of events has led me to write this post,why does the vast majority of folk look like they found a penny but lost a pound??

Is life for 90% of the people i pass and give a hello or good morning to so bad they cant raise a smile???

Well today I did not have an alarm,for the first time in a long time this morning no need to rush up, well i did wake wanting a pizza but that is due the fact i live for food lol.I layed there thinking as sarah made tea in bed and NO pizza!! that what happens when i hit the perfect day?? Well from this I think, my wife is the perfect ten(thanks beautiful south!!) my kids are all proving themselves worthy fellow human beings with such compassion,and a passion for life, we gave a dog who had no name,a lot of love, today he shovels back!! my financial situation is the calmest it has been for a long time and most of all the skin i woke up in today well let me tell you folks it fits perfect, I am happy no extactic with life I yes want more, but not for me, for life so today folks I doff that old cap of mine and say a very big good morning to you one and all and simply wish that today you can all raise a smile, oh if you need help go to Charlottes,lucys or that Shiny ones page I Guarentee one thing the corner of the mouth will curl upwards.!!!!

Here is to us and the life just for today we live will be a cert better than yesterday.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thankyou,for giving me this my life back.

thanks duncs...your support always appreciated xxx

Hi Duncan, thank u sooo much 4 ur kind words on my diary. It means alot 🙂

U r doing brilliant, u r an inspiration. U give me alot of hope 🙂

Have a gr8 day 🙂

afternoon diary.

29 weeks today NO bet, I would have 29 weeks ago today have travelled across the city to may haunts to no doubt empty the bank account of todays deposits, to have returned home to make up many excuses as to were the money had gone to, then the cycle of intercepting the post and bumbling through another month would begin, oh surrounded constantly by the search for more money to fund my addiction. Today it ends Today i did cross town but with sarah and our youngest 2. We got youngest a new pair of cons, not the ones i would have bought begrudginly from the sale rack to make savings to either cover my loses or worse feed my habit more, Sarah got a bag of bits from our favourate store Primarny lol and i bagged a new android phone and some runners, sale rack of course!! tomorrow our lily is shopping with friends too boot, oh and I found out that youngest has now graduated to my shoe size so there will be some borrowing occuring LOL.

We have today money in the bank to facilitate this and cover the outgoings and service a debt.Also we have in what before would have been a terrible month off for them all a few quid on top for a treat or two.

Today I would like to pay tribute to my Family my rock,my best friend,my beautiful Sarah and our 3 blossoming kids,for they went through this adddiction without fault, they gave there undying love and devotion to me I know in the hope it would all end the cycle would stop.Well folks it did stop 29 weeks ago today and today we will live within our means, but rest assured we will live out our dreams and some.

Work now,eldest coming to wash pots( well lunch on the worlds best teriayki beef we are creating LOL) oh that is work after finishing another perfect morning by taking sarah and the other 2 to breakfast near my work in a super cafe, best eggs benidict outside my place lol, and all this gamcare because 29 weeks ago it stopped Gambling stopped ruling and devistating my life, and with so much support I will never go back, my blocks are in place, they will stay and like today when the fella made a pun in the phone shop as to why Sarah paid and not me, folks he was left scarlet red not me, lesson learnt,engage brain first my friend.

today just for today No bet and for sure tomorrow will dawn brighter for it.

Thanks again for all who inspire and show me the light,this is truly turning into an amazing second half of my life!! cant wait for extra time!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Duncan,

Awesome post, hopefully I can get to where you are sometime in the future. Your whole outlook sounds amazing!

To be honest I an about 10 pages into your diary, but slowly and surely I will read it. Your journey must have hurt, it certainly like mine has hurt those around us. But to have your partner stand by and support you speaks volumes for the faith they have in you and you in yourself.

Like you I have 3 kids and they deserve a great life, and that is now my aim

Stay strong and enjoy the beef!

Steve

Hi Duncan,

Wot a gr8 post, straight from the heart. U r a true inspiration 🙂

Stay strong and keep going x

hiya Dunc and Sarah ...

Once again..an urge to give you folks one big massive hug with a tear in my eye....

I loved that question...and what gambling has given me is to help me see that underneath we are all good people....

Its SO frustrating and sad when a disease like this makes someone into what they are not and their other halves into what they are not...and pitched against each other.

This is why I am obsessed in always trying to find a common language that bridges that huge gap...

I am so so so happy that you and Sarah have found a language to speak in that has helped to avoid the misunderstandings and I can tell that you love the bones of each other.

My exes Mum emailed today after half a year of radio silence and our last conversation was not good....we left on very upset terms.

She's reading the forum and she offered a hand in friendship as she is worried about me..

Another piece of healing there

...

By sharing who we are honestly on here and being real we are all helping each other and in all my recovery I always got support from cg's who despite being in their own pain could see mine too and looked past my defences and didn't give up on me and wanted to help....

You and Sarah both have always been there...and all the postees....also a ex cg lady called Maddie who is a f/book friend now who also keeps an eye on me...and my long suffering boyfriend....who I really don't deserve right now as Im pushing him away to protect him from me and he is giving me space and not giving up on me.

love and hugs

unconditional......always was and always is....

Rachel and Dotty xxx

Good morning Duncs

Great great post as always 🙂

Full of the goodness that comes while we remain bet free , a pleasure to read each post you make , a pleasure to hear the joy you are achieving , a pleasure to see the family you hold so dear are getting the man back , one Sarah fell in love with and one the kids can look up too just cause your you !

Keep that step going forward Dunc , it's keeps us wanting to step with you 🙂

Keep strong

Smiling Lucy

Dunc,

Great last post mate.

I saw myself in a lot of what you wrote.

thank goodness with help and support we're turning our lives around.

Continued best wishes,

gazza